To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

Wonder when it stopped being possible to combine thinking about feminism with getting stuff done?

Wonder when it stopped being possible to combine thinking about feminism with getting stuff done?

Keep it, don't keep it. Some people will agree, some won't. I'm so bored of surname threads.

Flinders what is the male equivalent of Frau and of Fraulein?

We aren't married but I will always be keeping my name. It's MY name. I don't want someone else's name.

Our children have my name too.

In Spain, when the children take one of each name, do they take the grandads or the grandmas names?

The Spanish system also gets rid of women's names, it just takes a generation longer.

One of my friends insists on addressing stuff to Mrs Blueman, even though she KNOWS I've kept my name and we've been married for 18 years. If someone calls him Mr Bluelady now he just answers to it, says it's simpler than explaining.

That's what I thought chickens. Also being as I have my dads surname not my mums, how is that any less sexist?

@BertrandRussell 😂

The Spanish system also gets rid of women's names, it just takes a generation longer.

Do they always get rid of the grand mothers name? i wasn't sure about that

I got married last year and kept my name. Have had to gently tell family who assumed I would change, including sending a very generous cheque back because we wouldn't be able to cash it. I'm fairly robust about telling people, though try not to be offensive, because I think it's something that doesn't necessarily occur to people (especially older people) when addressing something. When I pointed out to mil that we had very carefully avoided all aspects of wedding vows that suggested I would "belong" to my husband and that addressing me as Mrs DH Surname was doing the same thing she seemed to understand. I think my husband finds it more offensive than I do, personally I think that in another 10 years it won't be much of an issue.

But it isn't my own, it's my Dads. It didn't appear from nowhere. If my parents had chosen a different surname altogether then it would be mine. I only have that name because of my parents decision to follow traditional sexist naming conventions.

I don't think there is a non sexist alternative tbh, unless each couple comes up with their own new family name on marriage.

Nobody actually cares, OP. No-one is shocked that you didn't change your name, you're no rebel.

I love this thread. I kept my name, and I don't know anyone else who did. ExH hated it.

My children had my surname, but then (twat) exH kicked up a massive stink and made me change them all to his surname later. He totally saw the name change as an issue of ownership of his little woman and children.

Now we are divorced, I am still Dr Namechanger2015 as I always have been. Children still have his surname, but barely see him and think he is a twat.

The name means nothing to them or me, they can keep it as part of their identity. I am their mum regardless of what we are all called.

But it isn't my own, it's my Dads.

Do men own their own names or is it only women living in a perpetual state of their name being loaned to them?

Trinity I don't think it is a simple as that either. I am currently reading a book about velazquez and it turns out that velazquez was his mother's name not his father's

Thanks. If I were in that situation I'd probably chose the names that went best together

If my name had come from a long line of women before me, then I might have felt more of an onus to keep it - to preserve the line.
But as it was, I did not feel that way because the name came from a long line of men before me. There is no point pretending otherwise.
In this sense, I might as well change it to my husband's name.
If so don't want a name that's representative of any male lineage, I would have to choose a new one.
This is why women are possibly less attached to their names and and men feel more of an onus to "keep the name going" because of the way that name was passed down in the first place, over many generations.

No women change their names, I'm not saying that is right or not sexist. But not changing it just means you keep the name your mum changed to, and did not get to pass onto her children. So you're just perpetuating the sexism of the previous generation.

If it's not yours for the reasons you give heate, how is it your dad's either?

Yeah I am trying to say what limoncello is saying more eloquently.

Well it isn't, it's his dads etc etc. a new name for a new married couple is the only way to be totally non sexist.