To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

Keep your own name if you like, no one is that bothered. They will just assume you're not married,. I am the Only Mrs X out of me and my 2 sister in laws. I just like having the same name as my DH and DS. And yes, it does make me feel like we are a little unit.

Same here.

Always addressed to Mrs. Hubby's Surname, never Mrs. Picker.

And hubby's surname is often written wrongly but that's another thread!

We've been wed 10 years!

And yes, it does make me feel like we are a little unit.

Find it so odd when people come out with this. I assume that their sense of being a family unit must be pretty fragile if it depends on a shared surname.

But it isn't my own, it's my Dads

How very dare anyone suggest you own your own name. Have them horse whipped immediately!

Find it so odd when people come out with this. I assume that their sense of being a family unit must be pretty fragile if it depends on a shared surname.

Honestly was there any real need to be insulting just because she said likes having the same name as her family. She didn't say "If we didn't share a name we wouldn't be one"

It wan't insulting. It's such an oft repeated response on these threads that I do wonder that these people place a strange amount of emphasis on the name creating the feeling of being a family unit.

It's such an oft repeated response on these threads that I do wonder that these people place a strange amount of emphasis on the name creating the feeling of being a family unit

I would imagine it's often repeated on threads like these because it's literally a thread about changing names once you get married though

And I find it odd. Presumably many of these people had kids prior to marriage. Did they not feel like a Little Unit then?

It means that the family are known as "the x family", that's all. My husband would hate to have a different name to his own wife and children.

I don't think there is a non sexist alternative tbh, unless each couple comes up with their own new family name on marriage.

I like this idea. (Wonders if it will ever catch on.....)

And I find it odd. Presumably many of these people had kids prior to marriage. Did they not feel like a Little Unit then?

I find it odd that you've taken such exception to a pretty innocent comment and decided it meant something totally different to what that poster actually said but there you go

It seems like people read meaning into surnames in different ways. For me my identity is not entwined with my original or current surname, but with my first name. My family identity changed to my dh and dc on marriage so I changed my name.

If there had been an option of choosing a new family name for the unit, I would have gone for that. That is still too unusual a choice to have taken.

Yeah i like the new name idea aswell

Flinders what is the male equivalent of Frau and of Fraulein?
Herr and Junker.
Neither Fräulein nor Junker are commonly used, well, you might hear Fräulein if someone is being rude to a waitress... but it would raise eyebrows.

There is a legal change coming by the end of 2018 with regards to the addition of a third gender, read the constitutional law decision here.

I find it odd that you've taken such exception to a pretty innocent comment and decided it meant something totally different to what that poster actually said but there you go

it's my interpretation of that comment, one that is made many times each time this issue is discussed. You've decided to be pissed off with that as is your right.

Actually, Herr and Frau are even used for children, it isn't just age related.

I don't think there is a non sexist alternative tbh, unless each couple comes up with their own new family name on marriage.

My friends did this. They came up with their own, lovely name. So they all have the same name and neither had to 'take' the others name. Best solution all round.

I have to admit not changing mine was mostly due to laziness. I cba filling in all the paper work.

It is odd to not change your name in real life. Only on mn do people not change their name.

Do you think it's odd for a woman not to change her name or do you think it's unusual?

Only on mn do people not change their name

Presumably you know that the people on MN are actual people though, not just little bots living in webspace?

It really isn't odd, I know very few people who've changed their names.

These threads always make me laugh. Bertrand's original checklist was brilliant.

What I'd like to understand is what happens in families where the parents aren't married. or weren't married and are now separated. I don't particularly mind that DS's teachers call me Mrs DHName (although I always say, "It's Working Bling actually" politely, but in his school there are a number of children whose parents aren't married. Do they get called Mrs DP Name? Or does the school spot the lack of wedding ring and make an effort to find out their actual name? I must ask some time.

On page 1 someone said that her SIL's children all have different names and it gets very confusing. I don't understand this. a) if they all have different fathers then even if their mother DID change her name each time, the children would still have different names and b) you can remember the first name and surname of every other person you know but for some reason you can't remember the surname of a child you are related to?! I find that incomprehensible.

If the child is Mary Smith and her brother is David Jones, is it REALLY so hard to remember both of their names? God, I hope none of them have middle names - that would really tax you.

And for the same reason, people who tell me they can't remember both our names when addressing things confuses me. They had no problem when we were living together but not married....

Oh, and I had a young male colleague ask me once, "But why would you keep your own name? Don't you want to share your name with your DH? What about the children?". He literally could not fathom that this was even possible.

I feel the same as you OP. It's still not a thing with all the people I know/places I've lived to keep your own name. The norm is still very much to take your husbands surname. I don't live in backwardsville either!