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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU re money

146 replies

MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:22

I am really struggling with this.

Just got a joint bank account with my husband - I absolutely hate it as have realised how terrible he is with money.

Accounts switched and he didn’t allow for any of his bills and was going to rely on the overdraft HmmHmm

I have allowed for all my bills which has also ended up covering for stuff he was paying for meaning we are skint until payday.

We have 6 kids between us, he has one adult child I have 3 living with me, two adults one who is in FTE still one who pays rent and an under 18 and he has two other under 18s.

A further £20 has gone out of the bank today for his two younger children’s investment things that he started when they were born.

AIBU to say we either put £10 away each month for all 6 kids or he pays this from his own money after bills - as this does not seem fair to save for just two of 6 kids out of “family” money?

OP posts:
MagicFajita · 18/04/2018 11:29

Oh dear op , it's a shame you didn't have a chat with all of your outgoings listed before opening this joint account.

This aside , are you sure you want a joint account with an overdraft facility? I only ask because I had one with my exh and will never again make this mistake.

A different way of doing things is to list how much you make together , pay rent/mortgage and all joint bills then decide what's left between the two of you. That way you avoid this resentment and if he chooses to live in his overdraft there's less impact on you. Maybe open a savings account for joint savings for holidays, home repairs etc.

I'm sorry you're having these financial problems , it's hard when you differ from your partner on how budgeting works.

MagicFajita · 18/04/2018 11:29

*divide

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:31

We did a spread sheet of everything before had but it all switched in the middle of the month where is became apparent he was used to relying on his overdraft to cover his outgoings and I am not!

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:31

*beforehand

OP posts:
NetVolume · 18/04/2018 11:33

Ah , so you knew about the money he invests for his children before you switched?

Viviennemary · 18/04/2018 11:34

This doesn't sound like a good idea at this time. I'd go back to having separate accounts and transferring money for joint bills into a joint account. You need to feel you have control over your money without worrying all the time about going into the red.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2018 11:36

I don't understand, you knew before hand and that he saves for his kids?

Viviennemary · 18/04/2018 11:37

As for the children's investment thing. Yes I agree it does seem unfair to save for two children and not the others. It can be his decision whether or not he saves for his child but it should come out of his money otherwise it then becomes £60 a month instead of £20 out of the joint account. No. Go back to separate accounts for the time being.

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:39

I probably knew but didn’t think about how unfair it was or think he would rely on me to pay for everything on the month we switched rather than putting enough into the account to cover the outgoings he was responsible for.

OP posts:
MagicFajita · 18/04/2018 11:40

If you knew about the savings for his kids then it's a bit late to take issue with it , do mention that you'd like to do the same for others though.

I don't think a joint account with overdraft is a good idea in general op , even less so when you have different financial approaches.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/04/2018 11:41

I hope by this you mean you have opened a separate joint account with your husband? Not that this joint account serves as your only personal account as well?

All is not lost. Just go back to having separate accounts and a separate one for bills etc. He shouldn't be taking money out of the joint account to invest in his children's accounts.

It all sounds rather chaotic but it can easily be solved. You might have to keep an eye on his spending too - you don't want him to ruin your credit rating or be liable for his debts.

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2018 11:43

I'm not sure you're explaining the set up so well.

How does he have his own money, do you? Are you putting a portion of your salaries each into a joint account? Or all in?

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:47

I have a separate account now (my other one closed as we did the switching service).

I have savings too as my car needs it’s MOT but I will have to dip into this to pay for some things to avoid going into overdraft.

Everything (my maintenance, child benefit, both wages) was going to go into the joint account and we were going to pay everything (including maintenance for us kids) then split the rest for personal use but in reality seems unfair to me really. I pay my for my sons phone who lives with me but we are also paying his kids phone bills who don’t live with is who we are also paying maintenance for and saving for!

OP posts:
Mightymucks · 18/04/2018 11:47

How are you splitting the bills? If you are splitting the household bills in half then he is supporting your children financially so I think it’s fair a very small amount goes to his kids too.

fuzzywuzzy · 18/04/2018 11:47

I don’t think a joint account is a good idea full stop with your husband. He sees a joint account as having more money to spend.

It’s not really benefitting you as a family he feels it’s acceptable to remain in debt whereas you don’t usually have a debt and this is sinking you too.

Close the joint account. He sounds very irresponsible with money I wouldn’t want to have to shoulder his debts.

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:48

*his kids

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Mightymucks · 18/04/2018 11:49

Who puts the most money in each month?

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:52

He earns more than me but with the maintenance and child benefit and my elder sons rent it probably works out evenly.

He has higher outgoings with his maintenance and petrol as he works away for work but gets some of that back.

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Hypermice · 18/04/2018 11:52

You need more than one account.

A base account your salary gets paid into
An e savings or investments account or accounts for long/mid/short term savings
A joint account

Pay salary into your base account. From there transfer x amount into the joint each to cover bills etc then all bills come out of there. Check the joint regularly to make sure it’s not low and keep a small buffer in there if possible too.

NEVER totally share finances with someone who has a different approach to money to you. Even if you’re destined to remain married forever, it’ll drive you insane. If the worst happens you could be left unable to access the account or with it cleared out and the overdraft maxed.

Set up a new base account today and get your salary and all other incomings paid into it.

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:53

It’s so complicated I didn’t really know how to work it out “fairly” so just thought let’s share everything but now I am feeling resentful.

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Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:54

Hypermice

Yeah I think that might be the best way - I think I need to speak to him when he comes home this weekend.

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VladmirsPoutine · 18/04/2018 11:55

Do you both earn a similar amount? I'm sure this set up works for some people but in your particular circumstance what with 6 kids between you - maintenance and all else, this was going to be a disaster from the off.

You need in essence 3 accounts:

  1. Your own personal account
  2. His own personal account
  3. Joint account for bills and house-spends

I hope you didn't do the switch for a £100 reward or something because it's not worth it.

Your responsibilities are too convoluted to allow for a seamless joint account facility; even this example about the phone contract for one of your dc and for his that doesn't live with you and him paying maintenance for his own children etc. It's too much. Go back to basics.

MagicFajita · 18/04/2018 11:56

Maybe go back to what you did before you switched. It may have been more complicated but at least it offered financial protection of sorts to each of you.

Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:57

No we didn’t get £100!! Grin

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Original poster
MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 11:59

What would you do re food etc? He is only here weekends and his kids here EOW.

Argh is so complicated.

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