for being a SAHM

[2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan]

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

It was the standard example though wasn't it - all those mothers during the war making munitions and tilling the land so we were all saved from Hitler's advances - small children sent to Cumbria for 3 years to stay with stangers, real strangers in this case, not loved known nannies, so we defended this country. Go anywhere like the idealists under early Mao, the jews on kibbuzes and for the greater good chidlren are put before the adult and political aims. It's not a novel new point of mine.

For me it's not an issue at all because I think children actually can be better served by a working mother than one at home so in fact you're doing your best for them by leaving them with someone else so it's not even a debate for me. it's a closed book, settled argument, not even neutral might be okay to work or okay at home but on a balance of most things better to work. So I don't even need the mental debate over it.

Should a nurse spend 40 years nursing or be a housewife for 40 years? If I can earn money, give to charity etc it's better. Surely it's better Bill Gates earned what he did and rids the planet of malaria or whatever his aim is than was a stay at home father and househusband for 40 years.

Some of the most heartbreaking stories I've ever read have been about the abuse of children who were evacuated during the war.

When I have children I'll take them to work with me, I'll be doing the best for my children by working & being a full-time Mother...Yes?

what is your mission xenia, if you are so certain that working is better for your children that you don't need the mental debate, why oh why are you debating it. Being a working mother is not better for your children, anymore than being a SAHM, it is just what works for different families.

Xenia - I agree that your children are probably better off with you at work

From MrAwen

awen walk away from this thread.........please

Go awen go awen! actually that was a little uncalled for. i don't consider Xenia to be a bad mother, i daresay she has worked her behind off to do what is best for her children. Its simply her "my way or the highway" attitude that bugs me.

iclimbedupamountain. I dont care tbh how i came across regarding xenia. in general i like to think i am a tolerent person as in all honesty whatever works for a family works for a family. I have not suggested that it is wrong to have a career niether have i said it is wrong to stay at home. So basically i dont give a flying feck if you think i am intolernt of others views.. perhaps the person whos views i am intolerent of in this regard are xenia's. I think from time to time we are all a bit less tolerent of someones views, like you are of mine.

that seriously was my other half. With the other comment.

awen he sound nice(i am calling you in chat)

MrAwen again -

My comment regarding xenia's children perhaps being happier with her being a 'working' (?) mother were due to her latest comments.

"For me it's not an issue at all because I think children actually can be better served by a working mother than one at home so in fact you're doing your best for them by leaving them with someone else so it's not even a debate for me. it's a closed book, settled argument, not even neutral might be okay to work or okay at home but on a balance of most things better to work. So I don't even need the mental debate over it."

I think that i would be better off making nuclear bombs for 40 years than raising my kids for 40 years - especially if they paid me heaps while I contributed to total world annihilation, hurray!

Honestly folks - she has made up her mind (she said so!) you are not going to change it - but she wants to change your mind - get out of the debate now and save your sanity!

how do i respond?

I agree with Mr Awen, children are better off with their Mother out earning if she wishes not to be at home with them & finds it dull!

It is rather mental isn't it - the idea that all children everywhere are better off with mothers who work outside the home.

Wierd.

What is more insane is the idea that all work outside of the home is a selfless contribution to society. (And that applies to men and women)

As you say, Xenia has made her mind up on the issue of whether children are better off with their mother at home or working and doesn't want to discuss it.

However, since she never had any choice in the matter (her ex-husband being a teacher and very unlikely to be able to afford to keep her and five children in a manner acceptable to her) it was surely actually just much easier for her not to address the issue?

We all make decisions based on circumstances as well as ideology.

Following my own advice now and bidding farewell to this thread, may it be long and fruitful in my absence .

ROFL

Can someone explain to a simpleton like me why some people think it is accetable/desirable to pay someone to look after your children but if you make the decision to raise them yourself, you are viwed as idle, a sponger, irrelevant?

BTW, I work part-time because that suits me.

speedy, this classification is made by WOHM who feel bad about leaving their kids, to make themselves feel better and superior.

Most WOHM dont feel bad, unlike Xenia (is so obvious) and indeed why should they.

Well, lots of people don't think it's acceptable or desirable. That's why this debate appears over and over again in slightly different guises.

I'd explain Spidermama but I'm a simpleton of the highest degree obviously being a Nanny!

Sorry speedymama, see I can't even read!

tut tut - scottishthistle - not only are u simple but could you also be a northerner!!