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for being a SAHM

492 replies

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 13/05/2007 10:12

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 19/05/2007 18:32

Yes, of course you can change them but you're arguably deciding to change God's views for your own convenience whether you're Muslim or Christian or you can say Jesus/God/Allah had a core message of equality and a load of sexist men writing rubbish 2000 years ago can be ignored and indeed one thing Jesus tried to do was get people away from Old Testament going by the very letter of the law and not the spirit and I'm sure the proper Muslims have the same view. Those conservative ones who get bogged down in detailed dogma are really going against the spirit of the equality Jesus and the Prophet etc were all after. I expect they weep up there at the sexist mess men (not women) have made of it all.

Caroline1852 · 20/05/2007 10:38

I do not find the bible quotations in the least bit sexist or demeaning to women. Most of the quotes say that men should look after their women. They should be taken in their historical context too: the world was a different place then. The sentiment is respectful and I think that is the important bit.

Judy1234 · 20/05/2007 11:26

I agree but sadly today in 2007 fundamentalist Christians (some, not all) and Muslims are misreading those things, not allowing them to have been of their times and using them to justify refusing to allow women to study, become doctors, work whilst married etc etc. God must despair of it all.

2shoes · 20/05/2007 11:46

i have to say that i find it incredibly rud to totally hijack a thread. I realise that no one has ownership of a thread. but when a poster then takes it over just to push her own views.......rude is the word I think.
Xenia you have said you know nothing about sn but feel you can still post about sn children going into residentail care. I have to question this and ask for your credentials as an expert in the sn fiels.

mamazon · 20/05/2007 11:50

2shoes - step away from the thread.

there are times when you need to accept people crave a soapbox, this is Xenia's.

try not to fuel the flames by bumping the thread. i think it is well documented that you are a fantastic mum in what can eb a very difficult situation, you do the very best job you or anyone else could.

sadly as parents of SN children we also realise that people with no experiance tend to have the loudest views.
don't rise to it, just pray that her children never have an accident that leaves them requiring that extra attention

Judy1234 · 20/05/2007 13:48

I thought I'd said how difficult it must be with a special needs child, didn't I? Read what I posted.

Elasticwoman · 20/05/2007 14:10

Yes you did Xenia. I have now started a new thread under Spirituality etc to discuss religion and sex equality.

2shoes · 20/05/2007 15:55

Getting back to the original poster she has a severely disabled child and that is a very different thing from most parents because although I do know people with nannies who are prepared to help whilst the mother works and some people use boarding schools depending on the condition etc if the mother's wage is large enough to pay for that in many cases only the parent can do the care, no one else will and it's not sitting around doing your nails care, it's very hard. I think in those cases it just depends on the disability. If say the mother earned 10x what the father did as I did ultimately with my husband and one of us had to stay home we agreed it would always be him even before we married so he would have done if the children required it. In other cases if it's a disability that can be managed by a nanny and the parents earn enough to pay then of course in some cases it's better to work- mother gets a break, family income increased etc but I'm sure some disabilities are just too severe to find anyone to take them on.

2shoes · 20/05/2007 15:55

as posted by xenia

Judy1234 · 20/05/2007 16:36

So what's wrong with what I wrote that you just quoted?

2shoes · 20/05/2007 17:32

you have voiced your opions on sn care. But as you have stated you don't know anything about sn care.
I realise that i might as well bang my head against a brick wall as you will never give an inch so in future will advoid you like the plague. good bye farewell and good luck.

mozhe · 20/05/2007 17:49

But why can' people voice their thoughts/opinions on SN...even if they don't have a child with SN ? She isn't saying, ' this is how you do it...or else ', she was just saying this might be a way of dealing with it.....Is that so wrong ?

Judy1234 · 20/05/2007 19:43

I didn't exactly say I knew nothing. My father for example worked for years with chidlern with special needs and my sister who didn't live long had down's syndrome and I have known some people with SN children and nannies, that's all I was saying but SN is a very broad title and as I said I certainly don't have personal experience of living with a special needs child.

Plenty of stay at home mothers feel qualified to write about working mothers even those who haven't worked full time.

What I am sure we will all agree on is most parents love their children very much indeed and do what they think is best for them as I'm sure you.

2shoes · 20/05/2007 21:42

xenia that is one of the best posts I have seen by you.

Elasticwoman · 20/05/2007 21:59

Xenia, didn't you live with your sister who had Down's? Was she older or younger than you?

Judy1234 · 20/05/2007 22:31

She's a bit of a red herring actually as she sadly only lived for 2 weeks as she was born very ill. Ihad my mother's diary typed last year which I found after her death which was a kind of baby book just about us as under 8s. It is intereting to hear how you are before you have conscious memory. The saddest bit is her description of my sister's birth and death.

I've read a lot of descriptions over the years by people who live with very disabled children and it must be very difficult indeed.

2shoes · 20/05/2007 22:34

it is har but very rewarding(well for me it is as dd is a hoot)
sad story about your mum and sister

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