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AIBU?

for being a SAHM

492 replies

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 13/05/2007 10:12

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

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MamaMaiasaura · 13/05/2007 11:04

agree with band of mothers too

I am SAHM now as contract finished am about 7 weeks preg sonot much chance of another nursing post with part time hours. I have a ds & and although he is at school I want to be able to be here for him at the end of the day. My DP earns enough and wants me to stay at home and sort out the house/dinner etc and tbh at the moment I love it. I did enjoy my part time nursing and will get back to it. Childhood doesnt last forever and I want to be around for ds and ds wants me to be too. I have a professional qualification adn may even do more studying too. I am happy tho being a SAHM and it suits all of us.

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Justaboutmanaging · 13/05/2007 11:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 13/05/2007 11:19

i should have put that db doesn't have children(not by choice) and does tend to judge. I often feel that being dd's carer is my career choice and can not think of a more fullfilling job.eeven if i did work I would never feel happy leaving her care to another person.

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Swizzler · 13/05/2007 11:24

Well then, you've made the choice that is right for you. No-one should criticise you for it. And there is no absolute right answer here - we all have choices, that's what being a human being is about.

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kerala · 13/05/2007 11:31

My job was in the city, high powered, very very long hours. No chance of part time, all men in charge. Dont know how I ended up there. People I meet who knew what I did are surprised I am now SAHM. But love it and refuse to feel guilty! Please dont feel you need to justify any decision. Either way women are made to feel bad.

Women at my old job with children either have to have a stay at home dad or day nanny and night nanny. My office room mate said goodnight to her dd everynight on the phone. Decided even before I had kids that I couldn't face doing that.

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Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 11:43

There should be an absence of guilt and an assumptions amongst everyone that it is as likely a man will stay home to mind children as a woman and that couples make sexually neutral decisions based on what is best for them.

It still puzzles me how any man or woman could actually like that job but it certainly is a job and lots of them seem to love it.

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foxybrown · 13/05/2007 12:06

How can there be an absence of guilt when threads like this make everyone feel crap about what they do, whatever their choices. You tell us to get full time jobs and elimate problems like who reads the bedtime story, SAHMs say you had children, look after them. Its so tiresome, there's no right answers, just personal choice. And a lack of understanding it seems.

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foxybrown · 13/05/2007 12:09

Actually, I'm wrong. This thread isn't so bad, its that other thread.

You know, the one I thought I was on. oops.

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kerala · 13/05/2007 12:15

Each to their own I say. Some would detest being at home all day and go mad with boredom others would break hearts having to sit in offices away from children. Others have no choice financially etc. The only truth surely is there is no right answer and people muddle through doing what suits them/their kids.

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macmama73 · 13/05/2007 12:17

We live in Germany and it is very common here to be a SAHM (mainly because nurserys for under 3 year old are almost impossible to find). If you go back to work, you get the guilt trip from relations and friends about being a "rabenmutter", a bad mum. Things are changing slowly but it is still frowned upon to work with a child under a year.

Just to say, I don't think there is a perfect solution. If you have to work because of financial reasons, or because you just want to, do it and don't feel bad about it. Similarly, if you want (and need) to be a SAHM, do it.

Basically a happy mum means happy kids, and that is what we are all aiming for.

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Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 12:22

Hitler was pretty keen on keeping women at home - kinder, kuche and kirche I think, the 3 Ks, your children, cooking and church. Proper little haus fraus kept in their place. So it doesn't surp[rise me what you say about Germany. Intereseting yo uhave that ethos in Germany and something entirely different in France and then different again in the UK.

Perhaps we should all pick to live in those countries with the ethos that best fits our views.

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macmama73 · 13/05/2007 12:24

Do you think it is possible to mention Germany without bringing Hitler into it?

It really pisses me off to read something like that.

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Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 12:32

Apologies. It just seemed the sexism of those days continues to today. If instead you'd said modern German has cast off that mantle and women were as much career women as women in London and Paris I would have felt more content. But plus ca change may be.

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macmama73 · 13/05/2007 12:39

Sorry to jump on you like that, but it is a sore point with me.

If you knew how often we hear remarks like that you would understand. Lots of our German friends have told me about being on school trips to England and being called Nazis when they were overheard speaking German. It makes me really mad, as you noticed.

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MamaMaiasaura · 13/05/2007 13:02

xenia you really spout a load of old shite. I think you probably enjoy trying to be a superior/contraversial individual but you come across as a pompous twat.

Sorry but that is my impression. Dont try and intellectualise what was a perfectly normal chatty thread. If you spoke to someone like that in a face to face situation u certainly wouldnt be a particulary interesting or popular person to engage with anbd would probably be avoided like the sodding plague.

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Roskva · 13/05/2007 13:18

That's a bit harsh, Awen

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MamaMaiasaura · 13/05/2007 13:25

maybe a bit, just gets up my nose this whole sexism political argument against woman who make the choice to be SAHM's. I am not sat here saying mums who work are bad, I just said this is a choice that works for us. Fed up of people inferring that it is wrong for xenia to infer that it is extreme right wing nazi values.

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2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 13/05/2007 13:26

awen well said
i didn't start this thread to ask xenias opinioun as i think we all no that...just to rant about being judged for something I can't change

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ScottishMummy · 13/05/2007 13:27

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan - hello darling why should you habve to justify yourself and ur SAHM choice i hope some eejit has not upset you

imo happy mummy = happy child. every woman is entitled to make the individual choice of how to raise her child whether its SAHM or work or study - up to u

oi come here for a bloody big hug u work all day with ur child well done

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LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 13/05/2007 13:27

ffs

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Wotzsaname · 13/05/2007 14:24

2shoes, what are you doing on an AIBU topic.
Daft bint! You are never unreasonable, you should know better...

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Rantum · 13/05/2007 14:32

2shoes - you are not unreasonable, possibly insane for starting a thread with that title on MN, but not unreasonable...

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TnOgu · 13/05/2007 14:34

I think debate is good and healthy, but I find it depressing and sad when women try to put other women down about their choices regarding staying at home to rear their own children.

It just shouldn't be something that is passed off as the easy option but instead it should be supported and recognised as worthwhile and selfless asd bloody hardwork

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Rantum · 13/05/2007 14:39

TnOgu, I agree completely, but these "debates" on MN rarely seem to remain objective - people throw underhand, very subjective judgements about other people's choices into their superficially "objective" and "intellectually motivated" discussion.

Fair enough if you don't mind that, but if you do these threads may be best avoided...

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NotanOtter · 13/05/2007 14:40

do we need 'justification' to be a SAHM now

None of my children have special needs - sorry

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