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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To find random men “helping” me to park, incredibly annoying?

173 replies

littlecabbage · 17/04/2018 19:37

Why do some men do this? Occasionally, when I am parking my car, particularly if it involves any kind of reversing, a random nearby man will start beckoning and gesticulating (totally uninvited by me) in the mistaken belief that I am unable to park my car without his “help”.

Yes, yes, I know that he thinks he is being helpful, but I suspect that this happens to women a lot more than it does to men. Does it even happen to men? I find it insulting and patronising. How do they think I manage to park my car on the 98% of occasions where there is no gesticulating (interfering) man in position? Grrrrrr!

(This even happens sometimes when I reverse out of my own drive, something I generally manage to achieve on a daily basis all by myself - what a clever little woman I am )

OP posts:

purplelass · 18/04/2018 12:54

My neighbour did this the other day when I was parallel parking outside my house - I just ignored him and got on with it but I did find it very patronising.

Especially as both of us have lived here for over 20 years so I think I know what I'm doing by now!

DragonMummy1418 · 18/04/2018 13:01

My parents do this to me when I visit every single time... in spite of the fact I've been driving for 12 years, have driven professionally and am a better driver than them! I just roll my eyes and ignore them.

hdh747 · 18/04/2018 16:25

While not illegal to reverse out onto a busy road, it is contrary to the high-way code and can be used as a reason for prosecution for driving without due care and attention.

Also, while anyone jumping in to help, without asking, can be annoying, I really don't think it's a sign of misogyny. Older chaps were often taught to show good manners to a lady (yes their mums would probably say lady) and think they are being chivalrous. There is so much genuine misogyny and demeaning of women in the world I just can't get hot under the collar about a chap being a bit too helpful.

peacheachpearplum · 18/04/2018 16:28

user1473256244 you are very honest, most drivers won't admit to be bad at parking but lots are. I think I'm middling, not great in the tightest spots but generally OK and I do know my limits.

LunchBoxPolice · 18/04/2018 20:20

It's worrying that there are posters admitting to getting out of the car so someone can park for them.

SaltireSaltire · 18/04/2018 20:32

Yes - has happened to me and seen it happen to others. I’ve even been asked once did know how to fill up my car 😂. I’d just filled it and was looking for my credit card.
Cringeworthy - but as it’s usually older men doing this I guess they think it’s being chivalrous, or their wives don’t drive, so it’s still novel to them.

MrsSmile · 18/04/2018 20:34

I have had this happen many times and it drives me mad - usually older men (I dunno if it has anything to do with me being blonde?).

I have bloody parking sensors on my car ffs!

Strugglingtodomybest · 18/04/2018 20:57

I've had this too. It's infuriating. I don't mind someone offering to watch me out into heavy traffic or if there's a blind spot, but I really do mind if it's just your bog standard parking space and you haven't even started to maneuver yet. It really puts me off.

I live rurally and am blonde if those two things make any difference

AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 18/04/2018 21:09

I hear you OP, drives me mad.

We live in an area of terraced housing, no drives or garages so it's everyone to themselves when it comes to parking and you quite often have to squeeze into spaces- passing men seem to think they should help by beckoning you in.

On the same list for me as men who help you put your suitcase in the overhead locker on planes without asking.

pieceofpurplesky · 18/04/2018 21:19

My 82 year old dad would do this. He would also do this to men. He thinks he is helping as he is from an age before power steering and beeping cars.

LemonysSnicket · 18/04/2018 21:43

It’s happened a couple of times to my boyfriends, he’s a very good Parker so when the spot looks v tight people have gesticulated

Dogmatix34 · 18/04/2018 22:42

Has happened to me quite a few times but then I’m really shit st parking, as my kids are always pointing out!

hedgebackwards · 18/04/2018 22:45

I've had a random man stand and watch me parallel park and when I got out, he said "Well done". Cheeky git. He wouldn't have said that to another bloke would he?

Missingstreetlife · 18/04/2018 23:04

It happens to me, don't mind if it seems I'm in trouble and they ask, e.g flat tyre (I can do that myself as well), but am good at parking so usually ok. Recently some bloke waving his arms about from the pavement so I told him I know how big my car is, I know he's trying to help but actually he's distracting me, so instead of concentrating on my car I'm paying attention to him. He looked bemused.

Nitpickpicnic · 18/04/2018 23:25

I’ve been known to lean out of the side window and shout cheerily ‘no need, I’m pretty good at this, and I’ve got sensors!’. A couple of times I’ve felt the need to stop the car dead and wait until they bugger off. It was actually fun watching their mad gesticulations escalate because they assume I’ve become paralysed by womanly indecision! Once it took another (random) woman putting a hand on his elbow to make him realise he needed to leave off his patronising kerbside dance.

Mind you, just yesterday I ended up in a weird situation where I needed a man to direct me and he totally had his own language of gestures that made no sense at all. He was an employee, I was trying to park in the businesses car park. They had a huge truck dropping deliveries in seperate piles all over the car park. Instead of waiting an hour for them to finish, I asked him to find me a park that would be out of the way of the truck’s manoeuvres. There were low piles of timber I couldn’t see, below my sensors.

You know the universal gestures for ‘keep reversing’ (rolling your hand) and ‘ok stop now’ (thumbs up)? Yep, none of that. In his world thumbs up meant keep going. And he positioned himself in my blind spot, rather than in mirror range. Very confusing few minutes.

Mookatron · 18/04/2018 23:29

I've had this a few times. I'm REALLY good at reverse parking so it's particularly annoying that whenever the random bloke starts with his 'helpful' advice I fuck it up!

squarecorners · 18/04/2018 23:31

I find I get random men offering me unsolicited directions to places if I mention in taking a long ish journey. Mate, I've got a sat nav, cool your jets.

AlexaAmbidextra · 19/04/2018 01:02

In my younger days my dad owned a haulage company. I got my HGV licence as I enjoyed being able to drive for him from time to time. How I loved turning up at a company in my Eddie Stobart sized articulated lorry. I would jump out of the cab to go in and ask where they wanted the load and in about five minutes an audience of men had collected to see this youngish, five foot two ‘girlie’ make a fool of herself. They’d stand there, arms folded with a smirk on their faces while I reversed this huge truck into the correct position. They looked sick with disappointment when I managed it with no problems. Most times I would get the helpful arm waver who didn’t believe I could do it using just side mirrors. I used to have to tell him to piss off if he didn’t want me to run him over.

Seeingadistance · 19/04/2018 11:49

I've had a random man stand and watch me parallel park and when I got out, he said "Well done". Cheeky git. He wouldn't have said that to another bloke would he?

Yep, I've had this, and one patronising bastard actually gave me a round of applause, for parking my car.

As for those pp who regularly have to get someone else to park their car! Have you no self-respect? Seriously. If I couldn't park my car I'd stop driving.

SlightAggrandising · 19/04/2018 16:48

As for those pp who regularly have to get someone else to park their car! Have you no self-respect? Seriously. If I couldn't park my car I'd stop driving

This. 100%.

StealthPolarBear · 19/04/2018 16:58

Just happened to me again when I was reversing into a space. A man started waving me right up against the wall I was reversing against despite the fact I was deliberately leaving a gap for children to walk (path between shop and school and in front of the car would mean children walking alongside a busy road)

LightDrizzle · 19/04/2018 17:05

I’ve had this in the past, also a lot of “What’s a little thing like you doing driving a big car like that?” I’m very small but it’s got an engine not fucking pedals!
Like a pp, I’ve also had spontaneous applause for a spectacular parallel park into a tight spot, I’m not always that good, I suspect the fact that I was parking up outside an excellent pie shop had something to do with my focus.
I get it less often now, so either that generation of men is dying off (it wasn’t young men) or I’ve dropped off their attractiveness radar, if indeed that was anything to do with it. I found it annoying as it made me self conscious and also I wasn’t keen to trust the judgment of such obvious muppets.

LightDrizzle · 19/04/2018 17:08

also blonde!

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