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AIBU?

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Original poster

To find random men “helping” me to park, incredibly annoying?

173 replies

littlecabbage · 17/04/2018 19:37

Why do some men do this? Occasionally, when I am parking my car, particularly if it involves any kind of reversing, a random nearby man will start beckoning and gesticulating (totally uninvited by me) in the mistaken belief that I am unable to park my car without his “help”.

Yes, yes, I know that he thinks he is being helpful, but I suspect that this happens to women a lot more than it does to men. Does it even happen to men? I find it insulting and patronising. How do they think I manage to park my car on the 98% of occasions where there is no gesticulating (interfering) man in position? Grrrrrr!

(This even happens sometimes when I reverse out of my own drive, something I generally manage to achieve on a daily basis all by myself - what a clever little woman I am Hmm)

OP posts:
Tinycitrus · 17/04/2018 22:45

I phone my husband to come and park the car for me when I get home from work Blush

Flopsymopsycottontailbuns · 17/04/2018 22:46

It's happened to me twice.
Once aged 17 when I'd just passed my test an old man stood on side of the road tutting at me and really flustered me, I err made a hand gesture and drove off at speed!

Fast forward 20 years and reverse parking a rather large car into our rather small work car park a rather senior and elderly male colleague decided it would be helpful to make hand gestures to encourage me (bear in mind it's the same space I use every day) I smiled and waved though I was tempted to repeat my previous actions but i may have got sacked!

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/04/2018 22:48

You can’t be serious tiny?

tabulahrasa · 17/04/2018 22:52

“The number of people I see in petrol stations queuing up so they can fill up on the proper side, when there are spaces on the other side empty is weird. I learned years ago that most pumps have long enough hoses. And a lot of these waiting people are men! Why waste time waiting?”

I wait, not a man btw... they’re never quite long enough to go in at the right angle and it’s a PITA, I’d rather wait for one on the other side to free up sat in my car than fight with the nozzle.

Men helping me park, well actually get out of a space has only happened to me twice, both times in the same car park when someone had parked behind me across the way not in a space and I was in fact stuck.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 17/04/2018 23:09

Some of those petrol hoses are really awkward to haul round your car. They jam and stick in the mechanism. It’s easier just to wait for the one at the right side.

ShadyLady53 · 17/04/2018 23:34

This genuinely happens to me at least half a dozen times a year. It is bloody annoying and usually they make it ten times worse by standing in the space that I’m trying to reverse into or out of. I’ve wound my window down and said “thanks, but I’m fine, I don’t need help!” but it makes no difference. The most annoying is one particular spot that is very difficult but that I’ve been getting into and out of every week for the past eight years. I’ve got it down to a fine art but having a man waving his arms about and yelling “pull down to the left! Now straighten! Back up a bit! You’ve got LOADS of room now.” as I’m doing those things automatically is infuriating. Not to mention having to avoid running over their toes. Plus I can see and hear how everything is going anyway thanks to the parking assist and sensor in my car!

I’ve also had one man (and on one occasion two men) come and stand and watch me parallel park in tight spots. Not assisting, just stopped in their tracks and staring. I think the two men were genuinely just taking the p*ss and hoping I’d screw up or chicken out and drive somewhere else to park as it was clear when I got out the car that they were going to say something as soon as I got out of earshot.

With trying to “help” me park, it does tend to always be men between the ages of 50 and 80+ and so I think it’s a generational thing. It’s not meant unkindly, I’m sure, but it is patronising and I cannot for a moment imagine any of my male peers in their thirties “helping” me park. I’ve also never had a woman try and help me park.

I think I must give off a bit of a helpless damsel vibe and I am quite feminine in my appearance and of course, we all know you can’t be feminine and have any brain cells, or be able to think for oneself...

Ssssurvey · 17/04/2018 23:42

Fuel hoses are usually long enough on the wrong side if you park slightly forward of the pump.
OP, I respectfully think that you should reverse into your drive.
I have only once been offered assistance to park. I was parking as close as I could to the door in a staff car park in a space that had been infringed upon by the adjacent car. I tried once and as I reassessed my position an ex lorry driver having a smoke decided 'you could fit a JCB in there'. I was young so genuinely asked him if he would like to do it for me. Hmmmm, no he didn't. after taking the P he refused. I felt very proud when I parked perfectly but genuinely perplexed at why he had felt the need to 'have a go'.

ZenNudist · 17/04/2018 23:47

I am shit at parking. Getting better with practice. When i first started driving about aged 30 men tried to help. TBH i could have done for them to get in and park it for me!!

My dsd insists on helping me drive out my drive onto a busy road. Thing is i do it all the time without help and having to worry about someone behind me i could run over is a hindrance.

elfycat · 17/04/2018 23:59

DH is the one who'll do this to me. I have taken to putting the handbrake on and turning the engine off, crossing my arms and giving him my DropDead(TM) look. When he buggers off I continue the manoeuvre. To be fair he was in the Army and they're supposed to have an assistant for reversing.

I once had to park in the last parking space in a multistory. The man who'd taken the penultimate space stood and watched. The cars either side had encroached on 'my' space. So I took off my wing mirrors, popped the boot and very carefully drove into the space before climbing out the back. He commented on my excellent parking skills. I was particularly happy that I'd blocked both drivers doors and they'd have to clamber over from the passenger side.

Orangesox · 18/04/2018 00:09

Yep, I get this a lot due to being one of very few females in one of the businesses I work in. It’s often done when manoeuvring the company pool car that nobody else parks properly (ie reverse parked as per company requirement for that car park). All male execs assume that because they can’t/won’t reverse park the bloody thing, that I need assistance. Don’t even get me started when they come to see if I need help to check the oil and screenwash - Clearly my feeble female brain can’t manage that either Angry

I probably wouldn’t mind quite as much if it weren’t for the fact that they all know I drive a similar sized 4x4 and don’t need their bloody help to drive/park/maintain that either!

Ariela · 18/04/2018 00:11

I have had this happen to me, I am an absolute reverse in/parallel parking show off though. So I always say 'I'll just give it a go and if not I'll ask you for help thank you' all smiles,, then nip into the gap with 6 inches spare either end. In one movement no shunting.

EleanorAbernathy · 18/04/2018 00:14

This has only happened to me once- not long after I passed my test and I really was shit at parking so his help was appreciated! Grin

gillybeanz · 18/04/2018 00:15

why are you reversing out of your drive
rather than into it?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 18/04/2018 00:17

Ahhh, my grandad used to do this for anyone- man or woman. He was just trying to be helpful.

sockappella · 18/04/2018 00:23

Yes! They're dicks, I tell you, dicks.

AornisHades · 18/04/2018 00:25

This has never happened to me Grin

My ex was a copper. He used to do this really fucking annoying thing under sharp (not emergency) braking, of sticking his arm out to restrain my forward motion.
For context I had passed my test nearly a decade before him, he wasn't a police driver and if he had to brake sharply it was usually because he was driving like a twat, I was wearing a seat belt and I wanted him to keep both hands on the wheel, attempting to control the car. Fuckwit.

IfNot · 18/04/2018 00:28

Is it possible that they are trying to help you because reversing out of your drive is a rather dangerous thing to do? Possibly if you reversed into it and drove out forwards noone would ever try and help.

Noqonterfy · 18/04/2018 00:36

braking, of sticking his arm out to restrain my forward motion

I do that. Blush I can't help it. It just... happens.

TamzinGrey · 18/04/2018 00:41

I've never once had a stranger direct me into a parking space in umpteen years of driving. However, many years ago, my sister got completed stuck at the dead end of a narrow, tourist thronged lane in Cornwall. It was awful. A George Clooney lookalike suddenly popped up out of nowhere and very very gently guided her out. Me and my other sister were swooning inside the car at his his absolute loveliness. He was so kind and all three of us were extremely grateful. What's wrong with someone trying to help if they think that you may be in difficulty ? especially if he looks like George Clooney

MrsFrTedCrilly · 18/04/2018 00:42

It’s happened to me too. What I really want to do is run the feckers over but usually I shout at them, tell them that their assistance is not required and usher them on their merry interfering way.. Hmm

AornisHades · 18/04/2018 00:58

Noq but where did you see that to learn it? If I'm in need of restraining, surely by the time your arm gets to me I'm moving fast enough to hurt both of us and you should be hanging onto the wheel! The only time I've ever had to hit the brakes hard enough to lock and skid, every bit of me was taken up with not crashing and my knuckles were white on the wheel.

Ollivander84 · 18/04/2018 01:02

My dad tried to do this once as I couldn't get up a slippy iced over hill. I clambered into the passenger seat and went "you do it then"
He tried. And couldn't Grin
I resisted saying "told you so" for about ten minutes

Ollivander84 · 18/04/2018 01:06

Aornis - my mum does that! You'll be sitting in the passenger seat, idly gazing out the window and then this arm slams you back into your seat, winding you and nearly smashing your ribs into smithereens
You're ok mum, we have these things now, they're called seatbelts HmmGrin
I'm sure it's a throwback to when seatbelts weren't a thing but I'm not sure her arm would do much

SecretIsland · 18/04/2018 01:08

No, I've never had this.

I've seen men gesticulating and helping someone to park many many times - but only when it's clear that the person is struggling and actually in desperate need of help tbh.

Whitecurrants · 18/04/2018 01:32

Happens fairly regularly and I'm perfectly good at parking. As PP have said, they often start waving their arms so quickly that they couldn't possibly have any idea whether I need help. I tend to smile but ignore the waving (which usually isn't particularly helpful especially with parking sensors on the car)