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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To find random men “helping” me to park, incredibly annoying?

173 replies

littlecabbage · 17/04/2018 19:37

Why do some men do this? Occasionally, when I am parking my car, particularly if it involves any kind of reversing, a random nearby man will start beckoning and gesticulating (totally uninvited by me) in the mistaken belief that I am unable to park my car without his “help”.

Yes, yes, I know that he thinks he is being helpful, but I suspect that this happens to women a lot more than it does to men. Does it even happen to men? I find it insulting and patronising. How do they think I manage to park my car on the 98% of occasions where there is no gesticulating (interfering) man in position? Grrrrrr!

(This even happens sometimes when I reverse out of my own drive, something I generally manage to achieve on a daily basis all by myself - what a clever little woman I am Hmm)

OP posts:
viques · 17/04/2018 20:22

Drive straight at them.You can always argue at your trial that you were following their instructions to a t and it is not your fault they don't know left from right.

walks away whistling innocently.

Mari50 · 17/04/2018 20:22

Have to admit in all the years I’ve been driving no one has ever helped me in any way when I’m manoeuvring my car. That said I’m one of those women that walks around with a face that compels men to tell me to ‘cheers up love’ or ‘give us a smile’ so I probably look too unpleasant to help out in such a way.

SweetIcedTea · 17/04/2018 20:23

I've had this a couple of times, always men 60+, on each occasion I've politely asked them to move as they're behind my car and I'm trying to park.

Ex-MIL will occasionally ask if I'd like her to "watch me back out" given she's never driven a car in her life I always decline and she's always offended.

peacheachpearplum · 17/04/2018 20:24

Of god, ShowOfHands ‘Clear left’ is something I do to DH, it’s so automatic after driving on blues Married to a retired policeman and I do this now, he must have trained me but so long ago I can't even remember.

DramaticIroning · 17/04/2018 20:24

I’m shit hot at parking in little spaces, learned through the necessity of finding a spot in central Paris (anyone who’s lived in Paris will know what I mean!) But I have been “helped” to park the UK, mainly by older men though and it’s VERY irritating as I’m perfectly capable doing this unaided. Funnily enough this has never happened in France.

Noqonterfy · 17/04/2018 20:24

I've had this a couple of times in the past 30 years of driving. I'm actually pretty good at parking but occasionally the odd man jumps in front of the car and tries to 'help'. My heart sinks when I see them standing there in front of me, flapping their arms around like a windmill. There's a security guard in Tesco's that always tries to help me carry my shopping to the car as well. Maybe he doesn't think I'm strong enough to carry a couple of carrier bags.

Teachtolive · 17/04/2018 20:24

It's so annoying when this happens! I'm a good driver but I get quite flustered if someone is watching me and its so distracting having someone waving random signals at me midway through parking!

LeighaJ · 17/04/2018 20:24

I've never had this happen to me or know of it happening to other women.

Have you considered that you might just be really bad at parking and they feel sorry for you? Grin

hdh747 · 17/04/2018 20:25

Never happened to me in 30 years of driving. Wouldn't offend me if it did though, I'd just shout out the window, I'm ok ta.
Used to happen to my BIL all the time though as he was a lorry driver, and the blokes used to wave each other in all the time without asking or being asked.
Just sounds helpful to me.

Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 20:26

owlina

The grip wasn’t for you but the op. Wink

wobblebot · 17/04/2018 20:26

A woman helped me once without being asked. I was very grateful actually.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2018 20:27

Happened to me a couple of times. Not terribly helpful. Smile and wave ladies, smile and wave Wink. If we are parked in a tight spot, dh drives and I direct him. Could easily be the other way round but I’m chronically ill so he does most of the driving these days.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 17/04/2018 20:27

I think this is an old fashioned thing. I can remember my dad doing this. He's nearly 80 now.
He's not a patronising person at all. I honestly think he used to think he was being helpful. He would have done it to men or women. Lol you just brought back a funny childhood memory for me thanks OP Smile

Babyplaymat · 17/04/2018 20:27

I've been helped. It is actually hugely distracting, and then you have to be polite.

missbonita · 17/04/2018 20:27

This happens to me ALL the time. I am very small and blonde and drive a Hilux. I have threatened to reverse over them before now.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/04/2018 20:29

missbonita
That should frighten them. Just need to change to monster tyres!

MoonFacesMum · 17/04/2018 20:30

I’d love some nosy bloke to be watching when DH gets out of the driver’s seat and I get in so I can complete a reverse park he can’t handle. Grin

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 17/04/2018 20:30

My DH often gets out the car when he can't park because he is shot at parking and just lets me finish the job for him 🤣
I try not to look smug when this happens.

PoisonousSmurf · 17/04/2018 20:30

I've been driving for over 30 years and the only time I ever needed help with 'parking' was when I accidently went to a wrong house and it had a little bridge over a small stream (no barriers and very narrow). But the worst thing was that I could only get out by reversing and it had a bend on it (the bridge) and it was pitch dark.
I ended up letting the house owner (total stranger), getting my car off her land.
I bet she talks about it for years...The shame!

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 17/04/2018 20:31

Oooh just crossed post with you moonfacesmum 🙌🏽

GinUser · 17/04/2018 20:31

Many years ago I was taking youngest boy to school one morning and came across a convenient, if tight, parking space. Noticed an older couple stop at the corner and start to watch as I reverse parked, but thought nothing of it as I was concentrating on the parking.
All done, got out with boy and started to walk towards the school, when the woman said to me "my husband didn't think you would manage the parking, but I did."
Well, thank you for being so patronising, Mr. and Mrs. Middle-Aged Couple. I think I just smiled politely and carried on.
Wonder what they would make of my parking today, nearly 40 years later!

Original poster
littlecabbage · 17/04/2018 20:31

Ha ha, I promise you I have no problems with parking, and do so quickly and confidently. Have never had an issue with parallel parking either. I would love to accept bettytaghetti’s suggestion of it being due to attractiveness, but actually I think KittTheCar is right and it is probably regional. I do drive a big car, but am in no way a ditherer, and I’m sure this happened to me when I drove a Corsa.

This winter, I was in a very snowy/icy car park, where a man parked on a slope was struggling to get his car out. I grabbed the tow rope I keep in the boot, and offered to tow him out, but no, he wanted to dig the car out with his shovel. Okay then.

I totally get people helping when asked - some people do struggle with parking, and if they ask for help or are clearly struggling, it’s great if someone can step in. But today, I was simply pulling into a supermarket parking space, and a man washing cars came over to beckon, in case I went too far forward and crashed into the rail. I repeat, Grrrrr!

Kaytee87 - yes! Totally a form of mansplaining!

OP posts:
MoonFacesMum · 17/04/2018 20:31

Grin Snap Smiled

TalbotAMan · 17/04/2018 20:31

Does it even happen to men?

Yes

CheeseyToast · 17/04/2018 20:35

I had a lad of about 18 point and laugh at me at the petrol station. I went over to ask what was wrong and he said I'd parked "the wrong side" to fill up. I thanked him for his concern but pointed out that either side was fine. He was young so I didn't want to humiliate him but honestly, what a prat. The superiority complex in even the youngest of some men is breathtaking.