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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The pornstar look

353 replies

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 17/04/2018 12:22

I know, I know we should not be judging each other but the pornstar look? Why would you do that to yourself, over inflated boobs, over inflated lips what is it about it that appeals to some women. I presume men are attracted to it because it screams sexually interesting but I cannot understand why women are drawn to it. AIBU

OP posts:
Mightymucks · 18/04/2018 11:05

People do risky things all the time like eating cats of pies every day and sticking jewellery through their body parts. Some people want to modify their bodies in some way and as long as they do it legally, they can.

Original poster
PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 18/04/2018 12:46

Yes they can Mighty and if someone BASE jumps of the Grand Canyon, I can judge them and wonder what on earth attracts them to do that. I get that this is a lot more loaded than that analogy so I am not going to hide behind that, but essentially I am judging someone for what I perceive is among other things a risky thing to do. My absolute first thought when I saw it in the flesh was how one of my classmates was plagued by the ill health effects of overloading actually natural breasts as a teenager so why would you inflict that on yourself. The second thought is that it looks like a caricature and not in any way a real person. But others have obviously said that they love that look for themselves and aspire to be like that, but to me it is no different to the person using cosmetic enhancement changing themselves into any other extreme look. To me it is wrong, to them it is aspirational.

OP posts:
Mydoghatesthebath · 18/04/2018 12:54

to me it is wrong

Lots of things are wrong to lots of people. That’s life.

I still think criticising women for how they choose to present themselves is mean spirited snd I think this is a spiteful thread couched in fake concern and fake incredulity when it’s perfectly clear that its quite possible for adult women to choose cosmetic surgery enhancements without being either thick, easily led, mentally ill!!! Or to attract bloody footballers.

Mightymucks · 18/04/2018 13:22

To me it is wrong, to them it is aspirational.

See, this is the problem. You’re not viewing it as a choice you wouldn’t make, you’re making a moral judgement which besmirches their character.

So the BASE jump analogy doesn’t work. Because you’re not making a moral judgement on them, just saying it’s not for you.

midnightmisssuki · 18/04/2018 13:28

why not? I think if it doesn't hurt you in any way, then it shouldn't bother you. Quite an awful judgemental thread really.

ginandnappies · 18/04/2018 13:30

Em because that's how they want to look?...

ginandnappies · 18/04/2018 13:30

Em because that's how they want to look?...

Original poster
PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 18/04/2018 14:19

I still think criticising women for how they choose to present themselves is mean spirited snd I think this is a spiteful thread couched in fake concern and fake incredulity when it’s perfectly clear that its quite possible for adult women to choose cosmetic surgery enhancements without being either thick, easily led, mentally

That was not where the thread came from, but it is absolutely your prerogative to read between the lines and add anything you want into what I have said here. However yes I am being judgemental and no I am not particularly concerned, so no faux concern here, I wondered that is all.

OP posts:
Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 14:27

Well what was the point of the thread then if it wasn’t to have a pile on about women who choose to look that way, because surely you could have come to ‘because they like the way it looks’ by yourself.

TatianaLarina · 18/04/2018 14:55

It is totally legitimate to analyse the pressures on women that are turning more and more to surgery and more and more to try to replicate objectified stereotypes rather than just being comfortable with how they are naturally.

If you cannot grasp that issue and can only interpret it in terms of criticism, and can only interpret conditioning in terms of being thick - discussion is not possible.

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 15:18

Of course it’s legitimate to discuss that, I am able to grasp that.
That is not what this thread is doing though.

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 15:20

Why would you do that to yourself, over inflated boobs, over inflated lips what is it about it that appeals to some women. I presume men are attracted to it because it screams sexually interesting but I cannot understand why women are drawn to it.

This is completely different to,

I am worried that the pressures on women that are turning more and more to surgery and more and more to try to replicate objectified stereotypes rather than just being comfortable with how they are naturally.

Tinkobell · 18/04/2018 15:32

I think it's brilliant and we should feel really proud of living in a broadly liberal society where people male or female are free to walk out of their house looking as they wish. I feel sorry for women and girls who live in ultra conservative countries where they cannot wear and look as they wish for fear of social stigma or state punishment. The OP's views seems to be a comment on her own personal taste....tbh, I'm not terribly interested in that, anymore than someone saying they prefer to wear blue or red clothes. Whatever.

VladmirsPoutine · 18/04/2018 15:34

Precisely,
It is totally legitimate to analyse the pressures on women that are turning more and more to surgery and more and more to try to replicate objectified stereotypes rather than just being comfortable with how they are naturally.

Is not what the OP mooted. There is a lot to be said about the external societal pressures on young women to conform to various looks/themes du jour but that's not what this thread has been about. It's been a faux "I cannot understand why women are drawn to 'the porn-star look". For the avoidance of doubt the question could have been simply answered: Because they like it.

TatianaLarina · 18/04/2018 15:39

It’s not though. That’s exactly what the OP is about - the pressures on women turning them to surgery to replicate objectified stereotypes rather than just being happy with how they are.

The OP specifically asks - why women do it, what is it that appeals.

TatianaLarina · 18/04/2018 15:40

That was to teacup ^^

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 15:42

Our society has a really nasty habit of putting these pressures on women then being really judgmental when they succumb to them.

There is a very valid conversation to have about these pressures but pretending to be surprised when women internalise them like and act on them is cruel.

I can simultaneously know that my desire is socialised and still feel it.

I know when I shave my legs it feeds into the idea that women should have hairless legs and yet want to shave them anyway.

TatianaLarina · 18/04/2018 15:45

Not faux no - many men and women wonder why women do it, they just don’t ask.

Because they like it is one answer, because they feel it will make them more attractive is another, because they don’t have confidence in their own looks so they replicate a style that is held to be generally appealing by some people is another, peer pressure and conditioning another.

Tinkobell · 18/04/2018 15:46

OP....interested to know if your dislike is limited just to porno-look females. What about guys that wear tight t shirts to show off the pecks, are they trashy too? I'm not saying what you describe is my cup of tea but nobody's making me dress or take on in that style, so who cares?
By the way ...I have a boob job and I LOVE it! So does my DH. It's given me years and years of pleasure after BF my kids for years, I've never regretted it. It makes me feel sexually confident and happy. Some poster suggested boob job is fine if a modest A to C. I say bog off! My body my choices. I have a teenage DD whose a bright lovely kid...I'd say the same to her!

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 15:55

Ha I wasn’t saying that it was fine if it was a modest A-C I wAs pointing out that lots of women get breast surgery and people don’t even notice.

Get your breasts as big as you want, I fully support you!

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 15:57

tatiana

That might be the conversation that some posters are having but especially in the first half there were many posters just jumping in to say how much they hated the look and even posting pictures of real women to highlight how hideous they thought it was.
That doesn’t seem like a reasonable conversation about societal pressures on women to me.

TatianaLarina · 18/04/2018 16:00

I actually broadly agree with your 15.42 post Teacup, where I disagree is that the surprise is pretend, it’s not.

I’m genuinely surprised at the numbers of women emulating the pornstar look, as I am at the growing numbers of women generally having Botox, fillers, implants etc. I don’t feel that pressure myself.

Mydoghatesthebath · 18/04/2018 16:01

tatiana

Is it ever possible for you to write a post that doesn’t tell other women they can’t grasp some superior argument that you somehow can?

Maybe some posters just do grasp it but still think you are wrong

TatianaLarina · 18/04/2018 16:05

This is AIBU, sensible debate has been nigh impossible for many reasons - posters pitching in to say they dislike the look is only one of them.

And they’re entitled to their opinion just as much as posters who say they like it.

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 16:05

I’m really glad you don’t feel that pressure Tatiana.

Though I am surprised that you are surprised that other women do.