AIBU to not want to work that hard

[Greentomato82]

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

I think it’s about attitude. I enjoy being around people, I manage a team and find that rewarding- to support and develop people, to get to know them and their lives. My work is the ultimate in dull but I enjoy helping shape the strategic direction of the company. All of these things could be boring but I chose not to think of them as such

A 9-5 job is, sadly, an inevitable part of life for most of us- may as well make the most out of it.

That said, I learnt long ago that the company doesn’t care about you and they’ll move on find without you. I feel sad for those people who realise that at 50 after giving their heart, soul and health to a company

Most people don't have all that in their jobs or maybe aren't good at it so the way you felt at home with nothing to do is how they feel at work every day.

Absolutely. I'm simply offering my own experience as a contribution to the debate. The OP asks "Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?".

I don't think she is BU at all. But OP says she doesn't get it. I'm simply offering my POV as to why I don't feel the same as she does.

She clarifies at the start "Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. ". So as a woman with no DC I'm offering my perspective on her question. At no point did I say that I thought my situation was the case for anyone else.

I agree with the sentiment, but it's a bit middle class.. I have a few friends who have suddenly taken up this philosophy as a way of life, backed up by.. Huge inheritances, family money, rich husbands etc.. Sadly most of us don't have a choice.

Agree OP. I’ve felt the same way for a long time. I’m lucky enough to teach for a living so I get long holidays to redress the balance a bit. In the book Into the Wild the main character says “I don’t want a career, I think they’re a 20th century invention” which always struck a chord with me.

Ps but I do agree that we work too hard, jobs have become too stressful and more people do get sick because of it

I work 3 days and have no interest in progressing up the ladder, despite my boss asking me several times in our Performance Mgmt meetings. My wage pays for our family treats and i have no intention of working myself into the ground for the next 20 years, only to retire and pop my clogs! We are not well off. If i went full time we could afford more but i don't want to!

haverhill I like that quote. I’m mystified by the pressure we put on ourselves to be successful.

I am from a very poor background but still went to university. Since, I think I have felt quite inferior compared to my uni friends who are very careery and middle class. But at the same time, I know it’s not for me. But somehow I do still feel bad that I don’t want the stress and the long hours and so on.

Plus I’m a massive introvert and I can’t deal with being around people all day. It destroys me.

Chestylarue52 and Stealthpolarbear I totally understand that some people do absolutely love their jobs, and if you love what you do then that is clearly the best situation.

I guess I'm talking about the wider picture. Why on earth is it the norm to work at least 9-5, 5 days a week, when for most people, particularly those with a family, it's a nightmare. It doesn't leave much time to get jobs done at home and enjoy life too, and it doesn't fit with the school week. Our economy has been structured around this working pattern and I just feel like we all just accept it. Me and DH are both planning to work part time soon. It'll mean we don't have a fancy holiday, and we don't own a car. The majority of people have been shocked that we would 'throw away' our careers. But in truth, what careers? We work in office jobs, no ones lives depend on us. It feels like the more money you have the more you seem to feel like you 'need' and so it becomes a never ending race.

Me and DH have watched our parents work themselves to the bone, and it is true they have a nice house and cars, but they're becoming unwell now that they finally have the time to enjoy it. Surely there's a better way?

There's a lot of judgement on here. Just because you're ambitious doesn't mean you don't have a life. I love my job, it's challenging, intellectually stimulating, rewarding and gives back to society. I could've stayed at the bottom rung and been useful to my caseload, by progressing I get to implement organisational and strategic change, now on a national level, which can have a positive impact for many more people than I could ever work one to one with. I would be very unhappy without intellectual challenge, that's my nature and always has been. It's a benefit that my progression has led to pay rises that enable DH and I to also live a lifestyle we enjoy. I couldn't live my life working for a paycheck and not being passionate about what I do as a career, you often need to seek out the kind of job you can love. My SIL would love to be a SAHM and for DB to pay for everything, that's her call but it's my call to not want to do that. I had a paid month off this year before my current secondment and felt like my brain was disolving. A friend of mine in the same industry's MIL called her a bad mother to her face for going back to work, it's disgusting. I don't judge people for not working or having career ambitions, so please don't judge me for the reverse. If we were all the same the world would be a boring place.

And for people currently on a low income? I couldn't afford to lose a day's work
When the Ford Motor Company introduced the 40 hour week in 1926, they didn't cut salaries to reflect the cut in working hours. They figured that people working fewer hours would be more productive in those hours, and new technology would allow them to do the same amount of work in less time. The same would apply if we were to cut from 5 days to 4 - salaries would stay the same because people would do the same work in 4 days that they used to do in 5.

blackeyes72 you're totally right, I just wish it weren't that way though. What haverhill said struck a chord with me too. I look at the potential of working 9-5 for another 40 years with horror!

Well sure - but how do you think all the things that people need to live these fabulous fulfilling lives are going to get produced?

Someone has to actually do the work to provide the goods and services that are needed for the lifestyle that people want?

I have been thinking about this a lot recently. I think I would miss my job, but I would probably want to work 3 or 4 days a week and have fun the rest of the time for preference.

or various reasons that have nothing to do with me, I could afford to as well...I'm not sure why I haven't done it!

Our economy has been structured around this working pattern and I just feel like we all just accept it. I'd love that structure to change but the reality is the vast majority of people don't have any choice but to accept it. If they want to earn a living which most of us need to do.

The majority of those who actually do have a choice to reject that and set their own hours tend to have already put in enough years living that structure to have gained the skills, experience and often financial cushion, to allow them to opt out.

@sprinklesinmyelbow I don't think it is about attitude or choosing to see your job as not boring. Your job may be dull but it sounds like you have varied tasks working with people and shaping the company. In contrast, no amount of positive attitude can make toilet cleaning or factory work less boring. It's impossible to find anything rewarding about packing 10,000 boxes a day on a production line.

Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

YANBU workaholics ruin it for everyone

My dad worked with all his heart. Literally. He was dead at 53 and his employer replaced him with 3 people because they realised that the job was too much for one person.

I don't want our children to lose their parents and losing my dad in childhood has influenced my attitide to work. DH has an intellectually demanding job that often involves long hours and working away. I have stepped aside from teaching to make family time. An intensive working day from 8:20-5:30 was fine and I always enjoyed it, but the intrusion of the 3+ extra hours of work in my home time was unwelcome and kept growing. As a family, we can live comfortably on one income and the benefits of my income after childcare, student loans and other deductions did not compensate for the loss of family time. With the way the profession is going, we'd have had to have taken on a cleaner and quite honestly much of my proportion of salary would have gone on paying other people to do what I do as a SAHM. DH's QoL is better that I have more time and energy and as a family unit we are happier.

I am fortunate that in the event of a family crisis I have a decent career that I could fall back into relatively easily.

We do have a societal problem with a working hours and conditions culture. In the last decade there has been a real vice grip on maximising people as a resource with less and less reward, often under the guise of euphemisms like "flexibility" which is inevitably a one way arangement.

We suffer in health for it. It's not an insignificant factor in obesity and poor public health levels. I really hope that there will be a positive change to a healthier balance of work and life in the future.

I don't know anyone who falls for that idea though. Am a bit surprised you seem to think so many do.

I absolutely love my job, get loads of time with my family, and had to work hard to get it. It enriches my life and hopefully, others'.

I get to implement organisational and strategic change
Ugh

But that's what a lot of people are saying aaarrrggghhhh, many people feeling they are working their lives away 5 days a week, 40 odd hours or whatever, but realistically most jobs could be done in 4 days. All the products and services could be just as efficiently supplied in less time freeing up the workforce, reduce stress, offer working hours to people who are underemployed/ unemployed.

There is such inefficiency in most work places and its hurting us, its miserable. Living to work or working to live?

A really lovely woman who trained me in part of my roll refused to retire, she hadn't built up much of a life outside of work and was scared about the time to fill. One day she left work, went out the front door, and died. Literally outside the front exit. Fuck that.

I see exactly what you mean. I always gave my best at my work - but they were all just 'jobs', not a career. If work is very much your reason for living what happens if you're taken ill or when you retire? Something else has to fill the gap, surely?

Each to their own, but it seems rather a narrow way of going about things.

I work for myself. The harder I work, the more I earn, and no-one but me benefits from my hard work. But I still agree with your point and don't kill myself and choose my jobs wisely. Enough to live on is enough for me and I am not bothered about material things and fancy cars and holidays, they don't interest me.

I don’t know really. I always say I love working and am desperate to get back to it. I was made redundant while on mat leave with dc1. So, I ended up being a sahm to her and then fell pregnant with dc2 who is now 11 weeks.

But for all my talk, I remember hating lots of my work. It could be stressful and tedious at the same time! Most people I know love weekends and holidays and that’s what keeps them going.

I only know one person who I am certain absolutely loves their work. He is a surgeon in his sixties and he doesn’t consider his work a chore at all and never has. I think he’s one of the lucky few tbh.

I would love to find a job I loved that much. My favourite jobs have arguably been the least world changing; waitressing and being a hotel receptionist. I loved those jobs. But the hours were very antisocial and pay and conditions were dreadful in some places.

Banana fish I'm so sorry you've been through the problems you've had. I suppose when you're in the depths of it having children must seem the be all and end all, hopefully that will start to improve.

I also see a lot of people talking about how busy we all are, how long hours we all work. I seem to be surrounded by people cutting their hours, giving up work to sah, thinking a couple of hours q night once in a while is a huge deal. Its maybe just stage of life and types of work etc but I really don't see this.

Totally agree. Dh and I would have to work till 67 to get our full pensions will be going early for sure and just love more frugally.
When eldest Dd has finished college in two years I might even take the little one travelling for a year, fuck it.