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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to work that hard

454 replies

Greentomato82 · 16/04/2018 23:17

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 17/04/2018 05:00

When I was growing up in the sixties the school actually told us that our main problem was going to be what to do with so much free time. Nowadays parents don't even have time to get to know their children and the ethic seems to be that if you do work less and spend more time with your children you are doing something wrong and are lazy.

Still, that is the reality of the situation, so it preferable to have a job that you can enjoy as you'll be doing it more than anything else.

KittyWindbag · 17/04/2018 05:22

OP I agree with you. I suppose I have never found the ‘thing’ for me. Sometimes I think if I had made different choices or been braver I could perhaps be in a career I love right now. But I didn’t. And now I have a baby and I can’t see the point of putting him in nursery so I can slog my guts out to make a few extra bucks. I don’t take any benefit, we live on a tight budget. I’ve seen my parents work their arses off their whole life, all for a shitty pension they can’t even claim yet and now both their health is failing. I wish they had been able to enjoy life more.

Steakandchips3 · 17/04/2018 06:11

I agree op.

Momo27 · 17/04/2018 06:30

“reading on MN people who seem to base their life decisions on working for decades in order to pay into a pension”

  • in fairness, their are regularly women posting on MN saying their husband works long hours in has a high powered job but that he loves it and wouldn’t have it any other way. So while personally I prefer dh and I to both have careers which are fulfilling without taking over our lives, you can’t assume that people who do things differently are doing anything ‘wrong.’ It clearly works for some families
footballmum · 17/04/2018 06:46

Hmmm. I’m torn on this. I think you’re right that most people, if money were no object, would either choose not to work or to work less. However I see so many women, both on here and in RL that are trapped in unhappy relationships because they don’t have the earning power to be financially independent. Several of my friends have chosen to remain as SAHMs or in low paid part time jobs even as kids are in senior school because they enjoy the free time (fair enough) but I think they are very vulnerable of their OHs decided to feck off with another woman at some point in the future. It may be a pessimistic view of relationships but I think I’d rather sacrifice a bit of leisure time for financial independence.

Ifailed · 17/04/2018 06:46

OP, you remind of someone I used to work with. She 'loved' her job, and devoted her life to it at the expense of her relationship and friends. She was always volunteering for out-of-work activities and was the most vocal flag-waver for the company to the point she got wheeled out at job fairs etc to enthuse about how wonderful it was to work there.

When she, along with others, was made redundant she was heart-broken. She just couldn't understand that to her employer she was just another overhead, easily disposed off when no longer required. She'd fallen for all the corporate nonsense about how caring and compassionate they were, how the staff were their biggest asset and everyone was cherished.

I met her a couple of years on, she'd made a complete change in career and was actually grateful to have been made redundant as it made her realise just how unimportant work really is in the wider scheme of things, and how true was the saying that "graveyards are full of indispensable people".

Of course people need to make some effort to support themselves and their family, but it should just be seen as a means to an end, you only get one life and to waste it slaving away for an organisation for whom you are insignificant piece of shit is a waste.

lidoshuffle · 17/04/2018 06:48

Climbing up the greasy pole can give you a slightly bigger house, slightly bigger car etc, but also a whole lot more stress, tax, childcare costs etc. I think it's a matter of balance.

StealthPolarBear · 17/04/2018 06:50

I love my job, I hope I make a bit of a difference and I am quite ambitious. I do accept others don't feel the same.

StealthPolarBear · 17/04/2018 06:51

People on here are often told to cut their hours and do some voluntary work which I find a bit strange.

AjasLipstick · 17/04/2018 06:53

Lido yes, what use is a four bedroomed house and a pool (the peak of having "made it" here in Oz) if I am at work 10 hours a day to pay for it!

I know a couple....they have this ideal life they're striving for but it's all a sham. He works two jobs whilst she's a SAHM. Their children go to a private school, they both drive beautiful vehicles and they're always out at the "place to be seen" wherever that happens to be that week.

But...she told me last week that they're paying the school fees on a credit card and remortgaging their house.

Why? Why are they doing this to themselves? The stress must be enormous! They don't really own either of their cars OR their home.

ScreamingValenta · 17/04/2018 06:57

She just couldn't understand that to her employer she was just another overhead, easily disposed off when no longer required. She'd fallen for all the corporate nonsense about how caring and compassionate they were, how the staff were their biggest asset and everyone was cherished.

This, 100%.

bakingaddict · 17/04/2018 07:00

I think if you’ve made the choice or have to work as opposed to being a SAHM it might as well be in a job that pays relatively well and that usually means going to university and investing in qualifications professional or otherwise. I could work in a shop or do carework for 40hrs a week on minimum wage, no offence to anyone who does or try building a career and work 40 hrs in a professional type job that pays over £50K a year. The latter would allow me a little more leeway with treats, get me on the housing ladder etc and general have an easier lifestyle

T3mpleP3ac3 · 17/04/2018 07:01

When I was younger my focus was on work, at one point I had 3 jobs. As you get older it is better if you can to have a good work/life balance. I work, but I ensure that I enjoy my spare time with family, friends, hobbies. I have also made provision for my retirement. I know that I am in a fortunate position. My only question is rid you work part time when you are young, how will you fund your older years or retirement years when you have worse health, less energy ⁇

T3mpleP3ac3 · 17/04/2018 07:02

Not rid you - should say if you

bumbleymummy · 17/04/2018 07:06

I agree with you too OP. I’m not sure why the benchmark of ‘success’ is a demanding job with a high salary. Why is it not considered successful to have a comfortable life with lots of free time for yourself and your family? That sounds more like ‘winning’ to me 😊

Ryder63 · 17/04/2018 07:09

I'm repeating it too

She just couldn't understand that to her employer she was just another overhead, easily disposed off when no longer required. She'd fallen for all the corporate nonsense about how caring and compassionate they were, how the staff were their biggest asset and everyone was cherished

Plus, the Tories are hell- bent on forcing people who claim Universal Credit to look for more hours, or better pay and instigate interviews to ask why this is not happening. Often impossible in certain areas. They want us to be so engrossed in work, looking for more work, and generally being too stressed and tired to kick off or question our 'betters'.

The cult of presenteeism also prevails in the corporate world.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 17/04/2018 07:10

I agree that in an ideal world a 4 day week would be beneficial and I would be loads happier

For 5 days a week I live to work . It’s very pressurised and I struggle to also fit in
The house
My kids
My health and exercise
Admin
Partner
Friends
Relaxation
The garden
Healthy food
Shopping for bits and bats

Then the weekend comes and it’s a squeeze and rushed

I am really in a struggle to envisage doing this pace until I retire . And I have to exercise as that’s the only thing that keeps me awake and healthy

It feels like I exist alot of the time

And I have to show enthusiasm at work ! And look like I enjoy it GrinGrinGrin

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 17/04/2018 07:11

And my house and car ain’t all that Grin

chestylarue52 · 17/04/2018 07:11

You can’t help how you feel about work but try not to sneer at other people’s choices or feelings.

I love my job and enjoy doing well and progressing at it. I’m not a mindless wage slave or a sheeple or working myself to the bone for someone else’s benefit.

Ryder63 · 17/04/2018 07:11

And don't get me started on the cruelty to 1950s born women with the sudden high hike in pension age Angry

StealthPolarBear · 17/04/2018 07:17

Exactly chesty. People are cutting down or stopping work all around me, especially women. It is not extraordinary in the way you'd believe reading this thread

TERFousBreakdown · 17/04/2018 07:18

I’m not sure why the benchmark of ‘success’ is a demanding job with a high salary.

I have both of these and neither factor is the benchmark of success for me.

What is, though, is the other stuff I get out of my job: working on ever new complex problems, getting to know and collaborating with a whole bunch of people who are incredibly smart and enjoy complex problems as much as I do. Etc.

I reached my target salary about 3 paygrades ago and am really not that interested in better pay. I also have a huge area of responsibility and really don't necessarily need to be the boss of anyone else necessarily.

But I do stay in the game because the stuff I get to do and the people I do it with make it worth 1000 times over. I'd be bored out of my mind if I didn't have that. My sabbatical was a nightmare.

Having said that, I think it takes a certain type of personality. Both myself and my similarly minded colleagues are classical type A personalities. We live on achievement - not so much against the outside world per se but against ourselves. A day on which I don't show myself that I can do better is not a happy day for me.

I'm obviously the kind of person who reads academic journals in the bathtub, though, because I simply crave intellectual stimulation 24/7. I find 'relaxing' stressful as hell. So if you're not at all like that I can absolutely see the point. Smile

TheChineseChicken · 17/04/2018 07:24

Totally agree. I work in an industry where 50-60 hour weeks are the norm but I have managed to get myself to the top of the career ladder by working the bare minimum hours but just being bloody productive and smart about it. Never had any complaints about how hard I work and have consistently been a top performer.

I really enjoy my job but I enjoy my personal life more.

TheChineseChicken · 17/04/2018 07:24

Totally agree. I work in an industry where 50-60 hour weeks are the norm but I have managed to get myself to the top of the career ladder by working the bare minimum hours but just being bloody productive and smart about it. Never had any complaints about how hard I work and have consistently been a top performer.

I really enjoy my job but I enjoy my personal life more.

BeyondThePage · 17/04/2018 07:26

I’m not sure why the benchmark of ‘success’ is a demanding job with a high salary.

I have neither - though do consider myself "successful enough". A lot of it is attitude.