AIBU to not want to work that hard

[Greentomato82]

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

I suppose it depends on where you live. I live just outside London. People come from all over the country for the job prospects. People are very ambitious here and they start their children young

I agree with you OP. I was pretty happy to stop work at 34 when I became eligible for payments that bring in enough income for me to have a comfortable, although not luxurious standard of living. I am always baffled by other people who get the same payments but insist on continuing to work even though they complain about the stress and lack of time to themselves, or say they have to do it to keep themselves busy or to have social contact. Personally I make the most of my free time and take part in loads of activities which keep me busy and allow me to socialise, but it's much nicer doing it in off-peak time (so never having to deal with a busy commute) and being able to pick and choose when I want to.

I'm so lazy I don't even enjoy voluntary work - I did it for a while but I got tired of the internal politics and also feeling obligated to turn up when I'd rather be at the gym or enjoying the sunshine!

Stealth, I wish I lived in your world.

I posted a brief reply as it was late, but generally I think that there's a real culture of working long hours and being very ambitious and if you are not, you are seen as some sort of failure.

It only tends to apply to women. Men are expected to have fulfilling, ambitious careers.

Stealth, I know you don't want to say where you live but I'm really wondering now!!

also, do you mean women, or mothers?

There certainly are jobs which, while demanding, are very rewarding in terms of both pay and job satisfaction (you feel like you are making a real positive difference to the world, for example, or the tasks you undertake make you happy). But many jobs are not going to provide that level of happiness, while still needing to be done.

Another thing that needs to be thought about rather than glibly retweeted is the one about following your passion/dreams to earn your living. This is mostly not possible unless you have a wealthy family/partner or have won the Lottery. And let's not forget that some of the propaganda in favour of 'hard work' is at least semi-deliberately about keeping the lower orders in their place: the myth that effort is all it takes to become rich is peddled so that the poor blame themselves for poverty rather than noticing - and objecting to - the fact that poverty has been inflicted on them by an economic system which has over the past 30 years or so been set up to transfer money from the poor to the rich...

North East.
Definitely 'worse' for mothers but I think women in general are meant to have a little job.
Only really noticed it since an adult, as a child my mum and aunt worked full time in demanding jobs.

I suppose you could reverse that and say that men are ‘meant’ to have the full time job and work long hours to provide for their family...

SGB very true, very true.

Hard work as a virtue is a potent form of crowd control.

Its going to be increasingly counterproductive as less and less work is required to keep humans alive.

I'm sure. But from my perspective as someone who is ambitious and enjoys work it's the first way round that antagonises me

I work full time (ish) and DH is a stay at home parent, home educating, and we are in the North East.

It is hard for both of us, I think.

oh I live in London. Hmm. There are many reasons I should leave but this sounds like another. I'll spare that rant for a more relevant thread

I’m ambitious and enjoy my work but I also enjoy working part time. I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive. We’ve kind of been brainwashed into the idea that a 37.5 hr+ is A Good Thing.

Has anyone read the 4 hour work week?

following your passion/dreams to earn your living. This is mostly not possible
Finally someone else has noticed this! All this rubbish that people spout about following your dreams - if the job market has no opportunities for your "dream" then you're screwed. Most people have to take whatever job is available. Hence all the actors working as waiters, novelists working as teachers, etc. And what's worse is that we tell kids they can follow their dreams, which mostly just leads to disappointment and depression when they grow up and have to work in a call centre.

TinaTop - I love your post! I hate people we come out with that shit and I particularly hate that it is taught to children.

If I didn't do paid work I would have to do something to stay busy anyway. So I prefer to get paid for it and to reap the financial benefits. I enjoy the feeling of independence and confidence that Work gives me. But not everyone needs to feel that way- that just makes more space for those of us who are career-minded! Nothing wrong with keeping Work to a minimum for those who prefer not to work, as long as I'm not subsiding that lifestyle through my taxes!

Another thing that needs to be thought about rather than glibly retweeted is the one about following your passion/dreams to earn your living. This is mostly not possible unless you have a wealthy family/partner or have won the Lottery.

Spot on! Although I'm one of those people who really love what they do for a living, I'm absolutely aware of just how insanely privileged I am to have both a talent and great passion for something that just so happens to pay very well.

And, even for me, it's not pure choice, either: had I not been born into an MC family and with a very specific type of intelligence/personality, this would arguably not be an option.

Generally speaking, I don't actually disagree with the OP. I somewhat disagree for my type of employee, i.e. ridiculously overpaid, highly specialised professionals.

@footballmum good point. I know women stuck in bad relationships because they are financially dependent.

I agree, I hate work, it's why I save so hard - so I can have a nice sabbatical, go travelling in future.

Me and my partner both want to go 3-4 days a week when we have kids. Partly to spend more time with them, but mostly because we hate work and are straight out the door at 4:30 lol. I think we would get into a scrap over who deserves to be a SAHP more!

It's boring. I grew up with 2 parents who simultaneously loved their jobs and work a LOT, but also moan how tired they are all the time. They coupd both go part time, but then again they are choosing a nice lifestyle, huge house and lots of holidays. I don't want that to be me. I'd rather live in a tiny flat and have downtime!

@PaulDacreRimsGeese, we're all overpaid in comparison with the general public, TBH. I out-earned my mother, a head teacher, within 3 years of graduating. My current graduate hires easily make twice the national average, get paid in full for any overtime and all get a hefty bonus on top.

I'm in consulting, so the done thing is to either a) do it for some 3 to 5 years, work like crazy and then move on to a less stressful position - preferably with a former client - but at a higher level than what you'd otherwise get or, b) keep it up until you make partner, rake in the cash and retire early to travel the world or grow organic vegetables in New Zealand or something.

We all know that's what we sign up for when we join these firms as young graduates.

Personally, I plan on starting an NGO after retiring or semi-retiring.

@chocolatesun It isn't about not being "career minded". Many people simply don't have opportunities. I'm career minded, would love a career, but unfortunately as a teenager I "followed my dreams" without checking the job situation first. I originally wanted to be an accountant and did an accountancy degree but there aren't enough trainee accountant jobs for everyone who wants one (if I'd been offered one I'd be 17 years into my accountancy career by now). So my choice ended up being between a crappy call centre job (all I could get) or simply opting out of full time employment (which is what I did).

Totally agree. I hate work and resent it so much. I am out the door as soon as I can and have reduced my hours to four days a week despite not having children because I want more free time. It is not a part of my identity at all and is just something I do to get money.

This is a great story about work life balance. I found it online ages ago (can't remember where) and saved it.

A boat docked in a tiny Costa Rican fishing village. A tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took them to catch them. "Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take siestas with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the guitar, and sing a few songs. We have a full life.
"
The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you!

You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?", asked the fishermen.

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one, and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to San Jose , Los Angeles , or even New York City ! From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the fishermen again.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?", said the fishermen.

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

The moral of this story is: ........ Know where you're going in life.... you may already be there!

I hope people realise how radical this thread is.

I’m about to go very part time by dropping a job I do 18 hours a week. I already have everything I want - basically the internet and a 6 foot stack of books plus mountains of craft stuff to do.

I have no desire to travel any more. My favourite thing to do is jump on a bus for £1.50 and go to a free museum/gallery in Central London.

My goal now is to persuade dh to do the same over the next few years (he’s coming round slowly) and go part time. He loves his job and I suspect wants to get to be a Head of a school before doing so.

We could easily rent the second bedroom in our flat if we needed more money.

I think the difference is that as I’ve got older my needs are met by me and not things outside me. I’ve got a day off today and so far I’ve watched 2 history programmes and played with the dog.

I also love my other part time job and will never stop doing that until I’m 80ish if I remain in good health.

It depends what your hobbies are and how you'd choose to spend your time. What I do is he most interesting way I spend my time. I have no interest at all in craft or creative stuff (I realise this is quite unusual). More time, I'd force myself to do more exercise, I'd have more days put with my children and I might try to carve out an hour a day to read. Other than that im really happy with how I spend my time.
(before anyone asks I am travelling now :))