AIBU to not want to work that hard

[Greentomato82]

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

Forgot to add- boutique hotel is in Startford where there is yet more money!!!

**Stratford upon Avon

I am clearly sleep deprived

All my kids have a work ethic, they work hard but seem to remain stationary.

nursey1 am I one of your kids!?!?

MrCharlie: I think the resentment is more down to the fact that low wages and inflated housing costs mean that more and more people are aware that, no matter how hard they work, they will always struggle just to eat and keep a roof over their heads - and in the meantime they are constantly being told (usually by people who inherited wealth or property - or bought homes when housing costs were a much lower percentage of average wages) that they should work harder and/or stop buying takeaway coffees.

reanimated 😂👌

@ificouldwritealettertome

yay! Again I have no problem with anyone going abroad - but the fact that I don't do holidays seems to befuddle people.

I looked up your neck of the woods and it looks lovely. I'm mentally noting all the places I could live when I leave London

It's really nice! I think the Guardian voted it the best place in the British Isles once, or recently? I don't know I don't read the Guardian. And I also think it's because the editor owns a restaurant here so there's some persuasive writing going on in there! But we like it because we're from here and it's home.

Though I always saw myself living by the sea one day!

You know, for cheap days out!!!

springnow I am like you. I can't bring myself to spend $5.50 on a coffee out. I'm meeting DH now before his vasectomy and we are having lunch together in the car because it's cold.

Keep doing what you are doing. It's not worth it to go spend £60 on a birthday celebration.

The more you have the more work it takes to keep it all going. DH and I could live in a 4000+ sqft home but we live in a place less than half the size. It's easier and cheaper to maintain. Likewise we have one car. We don't need two and yes I live in America. We make it work. I quite like taking the bus.

ificould Up until 5 years ago I wasn't making much. I've had a couple of big leaps in my career in the past 5 years.

Big leaps sound nice 🙂 🤞

@Want2bSupermum

"It's not worth it to go spend £60 on a birthday celebration. "

yes, I have to stop feeling guilty about it. The irony is, the last time I went to one of these things, I asked where Sue was (not real name of course) and I was told "oh Sue is saving for a wedding so says she doesn't have the money".

at that point I thought, if people can accept that kind of thing as a reason, they're going to have to accept early retirement too. I heard a lot of "life is for living" but to me that means more time to relax at home, not to hang out in expensive restaurants.

perhaps I should place a gumtree ad "frugal friends needed"

Just to give an overview, I was laid off 9 months after after having DD1 in 2011. I was out of work for six months and went back to work 7 months pregnant. My new employer, big4 accounting firm, were very good to me. I passed my last accounting exams in the January of 2013, went on leave in Feb for 8 weeks and came back to be passed over for promotion. I kept at it and worked hard, earning my promotion the following year. Upon promotion I transferred to a public audit group and was assigned to a client who hired me when they found out I was leaving.

I got a 15% increase in pay when I was promoted and another 5% increase when I was transferred. They held me back with my promotion so I had to requalify for promotion the following year. I got another 15% pay increase!!!! When I left I got a 25% increase in pay in base salary and my bonus means that my pay has more than doubled upon leaving.

It's been absolutely awful at times working for the big4 but I'm very happy that I stuck it out. I'm in a very good position where I am and like the people I work with. Four months after being hired I was promoted to CFO of the subsidiary technology company.

If anyone had told me I was going to be in the position I'm in today I wouldn't have believed them.

springnow Oh I hate it when people say things like 'I'm saving for our wedding'. I'm paying so much for therapy for our DC. It's insane how much we have going out and being reimbursed. The numbers make my head spin.

I've really thrown a cat amongst the pigeons here where we live in America because I've invited all the special needs parents in town to our home. It's BYOB with us providing all food. DH works for a food company so it's no cost for us.

So much OP

Full time stressful jobs are soul destroying. I would mind less if the job had a point like teaching but my job makes revolting people richer.

However I now work part time so I am very lucky. I get paid a reasonable amount for 21 hours a week

@Want2bSupermum

I don't hate it, I just wonder why one reason is socially acceptable and another isn't.

not sure why cat is among pigeons - do you mean because your local area want everything to be really posh?

Normally they go to a bar where the drinks are $10+ each. Most parents don't go because they can't afford it. I just got fed up of going to these swanky places and said I'm hosting, no cost except bring a bottle for yourself. Ill have some beer and wine with an array of soda and juices. It won't cost us more than $50 which is considerably cheaper than the $100+ it normally costs. Everyone went silent when I offered and I said no limit to number of guests. When I said I'd do food I heard a gasp!

SpringNowPlease2018 please share your frugal gumtree friends with me

My career/current role genuinely brings something to my life that nothing else does (and it's not a caring/vocational thing, I'm a corporate lawyer, in-house). I love the drive, the power, the pressure. It can be too much which is why in-house part time is suiting me better than private practice in the City which was horrific. But I genuinely LOVE my job. I've requested to go full time from September (it will be normal FT, not City hours).

I just find other bits of life so 'meh' - sitting watching telly, cooking food, feeding kids, riding a bike, walking, it's so yawn.

And I love making my own money. Today the kids asked me where I get my money from and referred to cash machines. I was pleased to explain that I work and the money I earn is in the bank to keep it safe.

If I won the lottery I'd probably have a year off then do some kind of non-exec/philanthropic roles. Definitely not nothing. Work drives me and is an essential part of me. I nearly lost my mind after 20 months off after DD2.

Want2bSupermum - ah, yes, I am the only one in my group of friends who hosts, everyone else wants to go out.

I realise that my wee flat is not terribly exciting but I do make an effort with food and cocktails etc. People always come - in fact they often have to be booted out so I can go to bed lol - so I can only assume they're enjoying themselves but then I still get the cat's bum mouth that I don't want to go a pricey place another time.

Often accompanied by "you've got to have an occasional treat" - I don't consider getting dolled up and sitting in these places a treat anyway. Stay home in jeans and have mates round? That's a nice treat!

@ificouldwritealettertome - it's a deal

Yes here and now and yet people seem really keen to say how we should feel and what we should aspire to do with our time.
We're not all hankering after something creative and artistic.

@IamSerena I'm in the US but I get all old seasons on Hulu and buy crrent seasons on amazon so I have the episodes when they come out.

"It's all very well and good if you have a partner but if you're single (especially if you're a single parent) it's realistically not always a choice."

I'm single and have to work full time.
However, if I earned twice as much, I could afford to work par time though couldn't I. Most people who earn twice as much as me still work full time though because I suppose we always want more.

"People who work longer are less likely to have dementia and other age related issues."

I'd like to see how that's been measured. People who work longer might be healthier and happier in the first place rather than the other way around. If you like your job it might make sense to work longer, but not if you don't.

Thank you @hotsouple

Gwenhwyfar, yeah I would like to know how that research was done, too. Whether, for instance, they interviewed people who carried on working in low-paid jobs because they couldn't afford to retire, whether the control group consisted of people who did nothing or whether they spoke to people who were not doing waged work but eg volunteering or pursuing a hobby... I know there has been some research to the effect that keeping your brain active (eg by doing crosswords or taking a course of some kind after retirement) is good for you, which sounds more plausible.