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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve just lost it with my best friend

90 replies

Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 13:57

My sister is staying with me at the moment due to her dh being an utterly disgusting, lying, cheating, sex pervert pig. I posted about the whole sorry affair on relationships. Anyway my tolerance is low right now and I’ve just lost my shit with my best friend of 20 years. She has been sleeping with this married guy for six months (she’s married too) and he is clearly using her for sex and treating her terribly but she keeps going back for more. She came over today crying about how hurt she is as he is ignoring her currently and I went batshit, called her a selfish bastard and asked her to leave. I don’t want to see her again. His wife is pregnant with their third child and I can’t associate myself with someone who has the morals of a fucking sewer rat.

OP posts:
PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 16/04/2018 14:06

Eastenders script?

Original poster
Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 14:09

What?

OP posts:
Original poster
Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 14:09

No actually this is my life Confused

OP posts:
welshmist · 16/04/2018 14:10

As you say your tolerance is low at the moment. On another day if you weren`t dealing with your sisters woes you might have ridden it out. WE are all human.

DairyisClosed · 16/04/2018 14:22

Maybe it is for best? It maybe be the wake up call she nerds.

sacreVert · 16/04/2018 14:27

I'm most interested in what a sex pervert pig is.

Marriedwithchildren5 · 16/04/2018 14:29

Once on a night out a friend had too many drinks and said she was seeing a married man. All my friends loved the gossip and I was the only one who thought it was out of order. I told her this and said I didn't want to hear the details. Obviously was told I was being judgemental and rude! Fast forward a few months and it was one of the other friends husband's. Attitudes changed pretty quickly.

Just tell your friend the situation with your sister makes it difficult to hear about the affair. She should understand.

Shoxfordian · 16/04/2018 14:34

You're judgemental and that moral upper high ground shit is really irritating. If you have lost her as a friend then she hasn't lost much.

SendintheArdwolves · 16/04/2018 14:35

I think this is (kind of) a good thing - you have told your friend bluntly what a fool she is being and how low her conduct is, which she needs to hear. But you also have plausible reason to "apologise for the way you said it" - when you have calmed down a bit, you can explain that you would never normally have said those things [although you do think them] and you hope she can understand and forgive you for blurting them out [although you were right and it is good that she has heard your opinion].

rocketgirl22 · 16/04/2018 14:35

You could apologise?

Tell her your sister is going through hell and you can't discuss her affair at the moment. If she is a real friend she will apologise as well, she has been exceptionally insensitive

Mary1935 · 16/04/2018 14:38

I don't agree Shoxfordian - OP is entitled to her views even though she didn't express them well due to being stressed. I would feel the same - it's called having morals.

SmurfOrTerff · 16/04/2018 14:38

I lost a friend because she thought I was a judgey bitch because I thought she was wrong to have an affair with a married man.
Everyone knew he was using her.
She did me a favour, I actually realised for all the years of our so called friendship she was just a user.

Juells · 16/04/2018 14:42

You're judgemental and that moral upper high ground shit is really irritating. If you have lost her as a friend then she hasn't lost much.

There speaks someone who's never been on the receiving end. Easy to be morally superior and non-judgemental when you haven't seen the hurt and chaos caused by selfish shits who don't care about other people.

OP, don't apologise, you were right.

SirGawain · 16/04/2018 14:44

You're judgemental and that moral upper high ground shit is really irritating. If you have lost her as a friend then she hasn't lost much.
Yes because cheating on their partners is something that is a great idea. Let's hope your partner doesn't think the same. To right she's judgemental I would be too.

NameChangedForThisQ · 16/04/2018 14:45

To be honest I would have dumped her a long time ago she deserves no sympathy what she's doing is reprehensible and idgaf if that's judgy I couldn't continue a close friendship with someone doing that as I'd have lost all respect for them.

Dvg · 16/04/2018 14:47

To be fair i would have done the same, Its bad when people cheat but its also bad when someone dates a cheater and has the audacity to complain about them being a jerk... WELL DUH OF COURSE HE IS!

OP i would let it be, Shes being stupid and you have to just handle your own life and not worry about hers, if she wants to be treated like a mug then she can get on with it herself.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 16/04/2018 14:47

I've never wanted friends who told me everything I did was fabulous. A real friend will tell you when you are being an arse. Your friend was being an arse and you told her that.
Perhaps you were a little, um, blunt, but when she calms down she may see that you are right and the whole situation s a recipe for disaster. If not, then maybe you don't have as much in common as you thought.

JaneJeffer · 16/04/2018 14:55

If you have lost her as a friend then she hasn't lost much.
On the contrary, you are a good friend. The situation is not going to turn out well for anyone involved.

pigmcpigface · 16/04/2018 14:56

What Ardwolves said - she's spot on. (You're on fire today, girl!)

Shoxfordian · 16/04/2018 14:56

Don't make assumptions about my life @juells

I don't like judgemental people. If you've never made a mistake or hurt someone then judge away. I'm not perfect so I don't judge people

Bettiedraper · 16/04/2018 14:59

It's the men in both cases who are the "cheaters", so why are you taking your frustrations about your sister's husband out on your best friend of 20 years?
Your friend doesn't have the "morals of a sewer rat". It's not your friend who promised to be faithful to her lover's wife!

QueenofmyPrinces · 16/04/2018 15:00

YANBU

A few years ago my sister’s relationship broke down because he’d been seeing somebody else behind her back. My sister and her Ex had been together for 10 years and had two children.

One evening, a month or so after the split, I was at hers and our mutual friend was there who was going on about this married man she was seeing and how hard she found it not being able to see him when she wanted and how it bugged her that he took his children to activities rather than spend time with her etc etc. She wasn’t even remotely ashamed of what she was doing and didn’t care at all that she moaning about all this to my sister after what she’d been through.

The next day I called our friend and was honest with her about how appalled I was that she could talk so casually about having an affair with a married man with children in front of my sister who had obviously been very upset by the conversation.

I told my friend that I didn’t want to hear any more about this ‘relationship’ she was in and that I doubt my sister did either.

BuggerBugger · 16/04/2018 15:01

So she's married and he's married, but he's the one that is obviously using her.....

EweDoEwe · 16/04/2018 15:01

Similar scenario here, a friend was sleeping with a married man, I got sick of hearing her whining about it all and told her so.

A few other friends fell out with me for telling her straight, then it turned out the married man was the husband of one of the friends' sister... and of course they all did a massive U turn.

Fuck your ex-friend, you're right, morals of a sewer rat. Save your energy for supporting your sister.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 16/04/2018 15:01

Bettie, friend is married too. So she's a cheater too.