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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve just lost it with my best friend

90 replies

Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 13:57

My sister is staying with me at the moment due to her dh being an utterly disgusting, lying, cheating, sex pervert pig. I posted about the whole sorry affair on relationships. Anyway my tolerance is low right now and I’ve just lost my shit with my best friend of 20 years. She has been sleeping with this married guy for six months (she’s married too) and he is clearly using her for sex and treating her terribly but she keeps going back for more. She came over today crying about how hurt she is as he is ignoring her currently and I went batshit, called her a selfish bastard and asked her to leave. I don’t want to see her again. His wife is pregnant with their third child and I can’t associate myself with someone who has the morals of a fucking sewer rat.

OP posts:
Lichtie · 16/04/2018 16:27

Are you friends with her husband too OP? If she is your best friend you usually spend a lot of time with their partners too... That puts you in a horrible position, well done for kicking her out.

justanothercreditissue · 16/04/2018 18:07

Yanbu. She's a tart.

PerpendicularVincent · 16/04/2018 18:43

YANBU at all. I completely understand your position

ScipioAfricanus · 16/04/2018 18:55

YANBU. I am not sure I could carry on being friends with her but I certainly wouldn’t listen to her woes. I had a friend years ago in v early 20s having a long term affair with a man with a partner. I didn’t cut her off but I wish I’d been stronger in my negative response to it. She missed my wedding (after a save the date had been sent months earlier) to have a holiday with him which was quite hurtful as we’d been good friends and I let the friendship die a death so no idea if he left his sexless relationship for her in the end Hmm

My best friend has a good friend who’s having an affair with a married man. My BF tried to tell me about her friend’s ‘relationship’ and I said I wouldn’t listen to any of it - BF is her friend and may feel she wants to support her but I am not and don’t need to know. BF has had this friend and her married lover around for visits with BF’s children and days out - that’s bizarre to me now. Nothing wrong with having high moral standards for yourself and your friends.

diddlemethis · 16/04/2018 18:58

YANBU.

I am relieved to see so many people agree with me, voluntarily shitting on other people, because you are selfish enough to prioritise your sexy self over hurting others, isn't excusable and glorious behaviour.

So often these threads are dominated by alley cats, who think having affairs is excusable, and if you don't agree with their right to be selfish and clatty, then you're being "judgemental". And as others have said, usually attitudes change when the hurt gets closer to home.

Original poster
Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 19:06

Yes I am judgemental when it comes to this shit. Especially when the wronged wife is pregnant and has no idea what a shit bag her dh is. I’ve been thinking about it a lot this afternoon and I want my friend out of my life I’m disgusted by her behaviour. How any woman can do this to another woman is beyond me.

OP posts:
snewname · 16/04/2018 19:13

I've never wanted friends who told me everything I did was fabulous. A real friend will tell you when you are being an arse. Your friend was being an arse and you told her that.Perhaps you were a little, um, blunt, but when she calms down she may see that you are right and the whole situation s a recipe for disaster.

This. Yanbu op

elderflowerandrose · 16/04/2018 19:23

Your friend has a right to choose who she dates, but you have the right to choose friends that have some moral compass.
The fact his wife is pregnant and likely to be as devastated as your sister is not likely to help.
Opt for some distance from her for a while. You may feel better about this in a few months and she may well have dumped his arse by then lets hope.

honeyroar · 16/04/2018 19:33

I'd be judgemental too (ironic that the person calling you judgemental is also judging you and saying you're no loss as a friend!). I'd probably have called her out on what she's doing months ago. Yes lots of people have made a mistake, but to continue that mistake for six months is something else, especially when he has probably got his wife pregnant during that time.

seedsofchocolate · 16/04/2018 19:43

YANBU

It takes a certain level of casual cruelty to be able to cheat on a pregnant wife/cheat with someone whose wife is pregnant.

I couldn't be friends with someone like that either. It happened to me, I am still quite shattered by it years later. The OW knew in my case too.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 16/04/2018 19:50

You told her the truth OP, sometimes the truth hurts !
It is what it is, I hope it's a wake up call for her.

eloisesparkle · 16/04/2018 19:58

Good on you OP

purplelila2 · 16/04/2018 20:09

YANBU
don't blame you Op I also have very low tolerance for self inflicted shit you're better off without her.

Original poster
Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 20:55

She’s just texted me this ‘I’m so upset. I thought you were my friend. You have no right to judge me you know what a shit time I’ve been having I can’t believe you aren’t supporting me’ I replied: ‘ I can’t be friends with you any more. I can’t stop thinking of his wife and how devastated she would be if she knew what he was doing. Please keep away from me right now.’

OP posts:
EweDoEwe · 16/04/2018 21:01

“I can’t believe you aren’t supporting me”

Wow she really is a selfish piece of work, she has her head firmly jammed up her own arse doesn’t she.

SmurfOrTerff · 16/04/2018 21:06

Wow she really is a peach

MyKingdomForBrie · 16/04/2018 21:06

What a difficult situation to be in. It was certainly brave to be upfront with her, I would leave the door open for her for when this all comes crashing down as I suspect her normal faculties have been suspended by her involvement with this guy - presumably given how long you’ve been friends she is normally a decent person.

Anasnake · 16/04/2018 21:11

You are absolutely doing the right thing op

FizzyWizzyFlash · 16/04/2018 21:11

Yanbu

Glad you've got shot of her.

She's deluded.

Why the flip is she putting all of her self conflicted emotional baggage on you? She's a selfish tart.

Good on you OP.

JustLayingOnTheSofa · 16/04/2018 21:18

I need a friend like you op!

I am assertive & blunt but Christ I couldn't do this!

Glad you did

2andcountingtodate · 16/04/2018 21:44

Isnt her shit time of her own making? Because she is having an affair with a married man and expecting to have all his time and attention?

She sounds selfish and self absorbed. You are best stepping away OP. Its never nice to see red when you would rather keep cool but sometimes people need to hear the truth. Your friend sees truth as judgement which is sad for her, especially when she is dumped...

SeaEagleFeather · 16/04/2018 22:02

You have no right to judge me you know what a shit time I’ve been having I can’t believe you aren’t supporting me’

Wtf? Is she aware there are other people in the universe other than her?

Original poster
Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 22:08

She’s deluded and selfish. She thinks it’s the love affair of the fucking century. Meanwhile his poor wife is at home with 2 kids pregnant with number 3 and thinks everything is peachy. God I could vomit

OP posts:
ChickenMom · 16/04/2018 22:17

You did the right thing OP. She’s moaning at you about how shit a time she’s having but has no empathy or compassion for the heavily pregnant wife at home who is probably run ragged off her feet with two small kids. She’s keeping their lives running while your mate is screwing her hysband. It’s sick and vile and good for you for telling her straight. She needs to sort her life out. I dumped a friend because of this. Can’t abide people who sleep with married men.

Popc0rn · 16/04/2018 22:45

YANBU. Can't believe she sent you that whiny self absorbed message - how can she not understand about how it's close to home because of your sister?! She sounds like a spoiled, selfish brat. With the morals of a sewer rat.