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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’ve just lost it with my best friend

90 replies

Maybellissimo · 16/04/2018 13:57

My sister is staying with me at the moment due to her dh being an utterly disgusting, lying, cheating, sex pervert pig. I posted about the whole sorry affair on relationships. Anyway my tolerance is low right now and I’ve just lost my shit with my best friend of 20 years. She has been sleeping with this married guy for six months (she’s married too) and he is clearly using her for sex and treating her terribly but she keeps going back for more. She came over today crying about how hurt she is as he is ignoring her currently and I went batshit, called her a selfish bastard and asked her to leave. I don’t want to see her again. His wife is pregnant with their third child and I can’t associate myself with someone who has the morals of a fucking sewer rat.

OP posts:
BuggerBugger · 16/04/2018 15:02

Your friend doesn't have the "morals of a sewer rat". It's not your friend who promised to be faithful to her lover's wife!

But presumably made vows to be faithful to her husband.

Eesha · 16/04/2018 15:03

This is why im single - i know a person doing this, wife completely unaware, just awful.....how do you look at yourself in the mirror? Op. , id probably not have said much but just disassociated myself from said friend!

Rudgie47 · 16/04/2018 15:03

An ex good friend of mine got pregnant to her best friends husband. The wife found out and made her husband take my friend for an abortion.
I never felt the same about her after that as I thought she was capable of anything.We fell out eventually anyway.
I couldnt listen to a friends woes about a married man. You did right.

letsdolunch321 · 16/04/2018 15:09

Why the fuck are these stupid married woman so immature & selfish to be sleeping with married men!!!

Seriously it makes my blood boil when I read shit like this.

If you are married & not happy get your marriage sorted rather than having seedy sex with a bloke who is already taken. The bloke is just as bad as well.

WELL DONE OP - give yourself a pat on the back for telling your best friend the truth.

PinkCalluna · 16/04/2018 15:11

The few times friends have told me that they were sleeping with a married man I’ve been extremely blunt about my feelings. I told them women concerned that they were fools and I’d lost respect for them.

Cheating on your partner/enabling someone else to cheat on their partner is wholly reprehensible and I’m not going to support you, listen to you or provide any sympathy when it inevitably goes horribly wrong.

I try to be a good friend but I’m not going to stay quiet while you do something which will wreck lives (including your own). I’m certainly not going to be complicit in betraying another woman.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 16/04/2018 15:33

I wouldn't have any pity for her either.
Cheating on her husband with a man whose wife is ready to give birth that's a fucking she snake. Oh and Yes before anyone pounces. He's an even bigger snake in the grass.

CaledonianQueen · 16/04/2018 15:33

Making a mistake? Come on shore fox! Seriously, it’s not like she slipped and landed on his cock! She has been choosing again and again and again, for SIX MONTHS to have sex with a married man knowing fine well he has a vulnerable pregnant wife at home looking after his other two children! The op was being kind when she said her friend had the morals of a sewer rat! The pair are disgusting excuses for human beings and I hope that karma bites the pair of them on the ass!

A one night stand then finding out he is married is a mistake, or finding out after several months that he has been lying and is married is a mistake. Normal, decent people would be horrified at those ‘mistakes’ and would avoid making the same mistakes again! The op’s friend has known all along from what I have read and has the audacity to act like a victim because she isn’t getting the attention she wants!

Good for you OP! Like you I couldn’t be friends with someone who is so selfish and narcissistic that they think it’s ok to shag a married man, knowing fine well he has two kids and a pregnant wife at home! If that makes me judgemental then so be it, if you dislike me for that shox then frankly I’m glad, as you are every bit as bad as the op’s friend, if you think it is in anyway ok to behave in such a shitty manner! I don’t buy into this crap about ‘the ow never made any promises to the wife’, that is bullsh*t, there is such a thing as being a decent human being, holding yourself to a set of morals! If you wouldn’t want it to happen to you then you don’t do it to someone else!

BlueRoses28 · 16/04/2018 15:35

You're judgemental and that moral upper high ground shit is really irritating. If you have lost her as a friend then she hasn't lost much

It's easy to say that when you've never had to witness a family being torn apart due to cheating and see a family member/friend on their knees from the pain caused by cheating.

BlueRoses28 · 16/04/2018 15:38

Your friend doesn't have the "morals of a sewer rat". It's not your friend who promised to be faithful to her lover's wife!

Why can't they both be 'sewer rats'. I hate this attitude on Mumsnet that only the married person will be blamed. They're both to blame.

Shoxfordian · 16/04/2018 15:38

Again, can we not assume my life experiences from my opinion?

I don't judge people; everyone has done things they're not proud of and if you're friends with people then you should support them. Maybe ask them why they're doing it, let them know what to do if they're unhappy, try to actually help your friend not just call them names and judge them.

diddl · 16/04/2018 15:39

"made her husband take my friend for an abortion."

Wtf??

Besides that-well done Op.

"Boo hoo hoo the married man I'm screwing isn't paying me the attention I want"-yeah, you can fuck right off with that!

TinkyWinky40 · 16/04/2018 15:43

Good on you OP, too many people stand by and say nothing.
They are both selfish cheating bastards!

papayasareyum · 16/04/2018 15:46

I’ve always regretted not calling my friend out on an affair she had with a married man. He fed her all the usual garbage about his wife not understanding him and that he still lived with her for the kids sake but they didn’t have sex Hmm and I even let him visit with her one time. (Whilst his poor wife thought he was working away from home). So not only did I fail to call her out but also collided with her. I wouldn’t remain friends with anyone who knowingly slept with married men these days. I’d call them out. It’s shitty shitty behaviour and I won’t turn a blind eye to it.

papayasareyum · 16/04/2018 15:47

colluded not collided Grin

SandunesAndRainclouds · 16/04/2018 15:49

One of my very good friends stopped talking to me after I’d told her that her affair would end in heartbreak for all concerned and that I couldn’t support her through it because it was so wrong. 6, maybe 7 years later we still aren’t in contact but I still stand by what I said.

Funnily enough the married man who adored her, was going to leave his wife for her etc etc (usual script) dumped her and carried on with the next OW.

Ickyockycocky · 16/04/2018 15:56

She had it coming. I think you did well to give her some home truths.

Sweetpea55 · 16/04/2018 16:00

Dont blame you at all OP,,,,women who shag married men have no morals.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 16/04/2018 16:04

I can totally see why it made you irritated OP.

But, if one of my friends spoke to me like that they wouldn't be my friend anymore.

If you're fine with loosing your mate of 20 yrs then no harm done I guess.

SmiledWithTheRisingSun · 16/04/2018 16:07

The pregnant wife at home part IS pretty shitty.

papayasareyum · 16/04/2018 16:09

If someone behaves in an appalling way, it makes it much easier to lose them as a friend. Especially if remaining friends is dependant on you offering
them emotional support as they shag a married man.

TipTopTat · 16/04/2018 16:11

@juells most people on the receiving end are at fault somewhere along the line too.

And I say that as someone who has been on the receiving end.

lolaflores · 16/04/2018 16:14

Shoxfordian if someone is proceeding in a relationship that is, at the very least, in a grey area, I presume they DO know exactly what they are doing. They are not a child, have made a concious decision which they are comfortable to talk about with friends.
It doesn't sound as though the friend is having any kind of a dilemma but seems to be feeling sorry for herself.
If you do not share the same moral menu as someone and cannot simply be a sounding board for behaviour you cannot condone...it isn't judgement. Its a difference of opinion. Not a moral high horse. The two friends do not share the same approach to what fidelity means. I would find it very difficult to be involved in a conversation that went against what I believed in.

TipTopTat · 16/04/2018 16:15

Can someone link me to the relationships thread? I want to know what a sex pervert pig is Grin

JaneJeffer · 16/04/2018 16:20

Well said Caledonian

BuggerBugger · 16/04/2018 16:23

want to know what a sex pervert pig is

There were rumours that David Cameron may have the answer!