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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be hurt that I wasn't invited?

197 replies

starsandstuff · 16/04/2018 12:09

I've worked in a community organisation for a year. A colleague had a milestone birthday at the weekend and turns out they had a party where everyone was invited except me, including staff who started after me. It was definitely deliberate, not an oversight, because I had been asking her on Friday what her plans were and she was really vague "Oh you know just socialising..." On one hand, obviously, I'm a grown up who didn't get invited to the birthday party, boo-hoo, big deal and grow up. She's an adult and can ask who she likes, and it wasn't an official works do. On the other hand she is not particularly good at her job because when she started it was a small organisation and it mushroomed past her capabilities, which she openly admits, and I spend a lot of time helping her out when she comes to me, even though my own job is really stressful and she should really be helping me! I have taken her side when the boss had been asking her to do things which she doesn't feel able for, so I feel a bit hurt. I went on a holiday last year and brought her back a little gift, because she does try hard, and because she is basically a nice person. I've never had a run-in with her or felt there was any bad feeling. And to add insult to injury, I was the one charged with organising her card and whip-round for her gift! I felt embarrassed this morning to realise I was the only one who wasn't asked to go and a colleague who I get on well with was really mortified about it and doesn't know why. I'm not asking her why I wasn't asked, because I know it's not that big of a deal really. I haven't been off with her or anything, I wished her Happy Birthday, gave her a hug and made her a cuppa. (Ok maybe secretly I'm trying to shame her into feeling bad Grin) But deep down I'm stinging. AIBU to be a bit upset?

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 18/04/2018 20:53

Well done Stars & Stuff. And stick to your guns. Never cover for her again. Make sure you copy in the boss to any issues The boss has been lettting this situation go on too and needs to act like a boss. I do see the benefit of acting as if everything is absolutely fine and very very occasionally doing something like making the odd cup of tea so that she cannot complain, but only very occasionally. But ultimately, well done!!

AtrociousCircumstance · 18/04/2018 21:12

No minor favours - no favours at all. Stuck to it! Don’t be manipulated by her ‘niceness’ now.

Awesome update Grin

bonnyshide · 18/04/2018 21:24

Well done OP you're handling this perfectly...I especially like the passive aggressive tea making!

She will rue the day. Rue I say!

Good on you!

Littleredboat · 18/04/2018 21:35

I like your style OP Grin

Skinnyboneylittlepony · 18/04/2018 22:28

Minor favours. Always publicly visible ones so that you will come up smelling of roses.

CF: Stars is being meaaan to me!
ALL/Boss: but she helped you unjam the printer and said ‘help yourself’ to some chocolate, and told you she could see the warden when you were on double yellows and she’s made you at least 3 cups of tea this week! Shut up and stop whinging you incompetent employee and horrible person.

Fullerhouse · 19/04/2018 00:06

Ahh op thats so crappy of her not to invite you! I def wouldn’t be helping her out with work anymore, however I would still make her the odd tea and general niceties at work so she can never turn it on you being mean. She’ll mess up enough with her work that karma will get her. I have a birthday party coming up and there is people in my company I barely speak to and a couple I don’t particularly like however they are all invited I couldn’t do that it’s just not nice at all, for us to all be speaking about the upcoming party or about it after and anyone to have felt left out would be horrible.

Atticusss · 19/04/2018 00:19

Your colleague sounds like a twat. A really stupid one.

eggsandchips · 19/04/2018 00:45

That's nasty. I'd just distance yourself in future.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/04/2018 08:05

Even after you were the only person she did not invite to her party, she still expected you to help her, CF. She is incredibly false, and stupid. Good on you for saying no, keep doing that, whilst being polite and professional to her. Hope this appears in the DM, she bloody deserves it.

MarthasGinYard · 19/04/2018 08:12

Nice OpGrin

Maybe you could always drop in "I hope your birthday collection was ok, as the organiser I hadn't a clue what to get you. Hope you found something nice with the money'

Aeroflotgirl · 19/04/2018 08:29

Good one Marthas, definitely do that.

eloisesparkle · 19/04/2018 20:35

Oh Martha - That's good Smile

Skinnyboneylittlepony · 21/04/2018 10:49

Any updates from HR?

mumof06darlings · 22/04/2018 08:32

That's a fabulous update. You go girl 👍👍👍

PieAndPumpkins · 22/04/2018 22:50

Fab update! Well done, op Smile

Jamiefraserskilt · 22/04/2018 23:16

She will rue the day. Rue I say!
You forgot to say ...
Mwahahahaha

MyOtherProfile · 23/04/2018 05:56

Well done OP. So mean of jer. What difference would one extra person have made anyway?

JeezeLouise · 23/04/2018 06:52

She will rue the day. Rue I say! love it, that'll learn her!!

Now you can shed her like an old snake skin; silver lining and all that stuff :)

JeezeLouise · 23/04/2018 06:55

Let her sink in her own incompetency. I managed to read this as let her STINK in her own incompetency... Grin. Must be time to pour a wee wine - and before anyone says anything, it's 5.54 pm here in NZ :)

jkl0311 · 23/04/2018 07:07

How old is the birthday girl and how old are you op? And do you have kids? Do you normally attend office outings ?

MarthasGinYard · 23/04/2018 07:11
Grin
PinkSkyAtNightAngelDelight · 24/04/2018 20:41

Even after you were the only person she did not invite to her party, she still expected you to help her, CF.

This! She’s a CF for sure.

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