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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband requiring "full assistance" in the mornings?

999 replies

questi0n · 16/04/2018 07:56

My husband told me last night that he will "require full assistance" to get out in the morning as he has some important meetings etc. He often says things like this and I don't take much notice. I have 3 DC to get out to school as it is. Last night I put everything by the door for him, keys, phone headphones and some documents I "must not let him forget". I even hung his suit out and put his shoes by the door because I can't be doing with him asking me where Particular items are in the morning. Only for him to get up and have a flap because no, he's actually cycling to the meetings and apparently wanted a bag packed Confused.

Wouldn't you think that if you could see someone was dealing with 3 children in the mornings, you wouldn't add to the general rush and stress everyone out by shouting ridiculous questions and demands about things you could easily do yourself? This is a man who employs hundreds of people, by the way. Does anyone else have this kind of issue with their husband?

OP posts:
goodbyeeee · 16/04/2018 08:23

Sometimes I read things on MN that seriously boggle my mind.

He's an ADULT.

This would simply never happen in my relationship as my DP isn't a man child and doesn't treat me like a skivvy and would get very short shrift if he ever tried it (which he wouldn't). I occasionally make him a packed lunch to take to work if it's convenient for which he always thanks me. It's certainly not his expectation. He even manages to pitch in with seeing to OUR children in the morning before he leaves for work. As do I on the days I go to work.

Stop facilitating his learned helplessness.

Original poster
questi0n · 16/04/2018 08:24

I get the kids' uniforms etc organised the night before and get them to pack their bags. They are in three different schools. I don't ask him to help with any if this because he wouldn't have a clue, but if all I had to do was focus on myself in the mornings, I'd think that was a good deal. When he goes on random business trips, he will ring for me to get him a bag ready. The one thing I will not deal with is his sports paraphernalia and I've told him this. I'm not interested and how am I supposed to know what shoes go with which bike pedals? I am not the bloody oracle.

Thanks for the replies. I'm wound up this morning.

OP posts:
TheOriginalEmu · 16/04/2018 08:24

DP complained that I never make his lunch for work like all his mates' wives. So I got up early put a sausage roll in his work boot and went back to bed

Perfect. I love you.

Butterymuffin · 16/04/2018 08:25

FFS. Having autism doesn't = being crap and entitled.

Butterymuffin · 16/04/2018 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsCrabbyTree · 16/04/2018 08:26

Thank goodness I am not the only MNetter with a dirty mind. Blush

Helloooo my friends. When shall we meet for coffee? Grin

Original poster
questi0n · 16/04/2018 08:26

He is not autistic, no. I can't really describe it. He finds it difficult to switch off from work.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 16/04/2018 08:26

'Last night I put everything by the door for him, keys, phone headphones and some documents I "must not let him forget". I even hung his suit out and put his shoes by the door because I can't be doing with him asking me where Particular items are in the morning.'

Seriously Hmm

Butterymuffin · 16/04/2018 08:26

And when you're getting these bags ready for him, what's he doing during that time?

NataliaOsipova · 16/04/2018 08:27

My DH can be a bit strategically incompetent at times. We all have our weaknesses. But what you describe is on another level! As others have said, he's a grown man and you aren't his mother......

Mydoghatesthebath · 16/04/2018 08:28

He will ring me to get a bag ready

Seriously my dh travels all over the world and never once had he asked me to pack anything. He’s like an adult so does it himself!!!

How did this shite start op?

Carboholic · 16/04/2018 08:28

I expected this to be a very sad thread about a man becoming disabled and the wife wondering about the practicalities of caring for him while also needing to get children to schools etc.

turnipfarmers · 16/04/2018 08:28

Don't enable this man-child; you aren't his mother.

He sounds just like my ex, who I am very thankful is my ex.

MarthasGinYard · 16/04/2018 08:28

Thought at first it was a code for dirty doings in the morning....Blush

PearsandCustard · 16/04/2018 08:28

I think if I was to attempt to get DH ready for work in the mornings (not that I ever would, the thought has never crossed my mind until now) he'd tell me to fuck off. Grown men tend to not only be capable of doing things for themselves, but also actively want to!

Aworldofmyown · 16/04/2018 08:29

God what an arse!!! He clearly believes you are his maid.

sleep5 · 16/04/2018 08:29

Definitely sounds like he's treating you as a lowly employee. Have you catered to his every whim in the past?

Raven88 · 16/04/2018 08:30

I do sleep overs at work and need to prepare that the night before. It's not difficult. Tell him to do it himself. He is an adult and needs to get a grip.

AngryAttackKittens · 16/04/2018 08:30

Your husband appears to believe that you're one of his employees. A PA, possibly.

I would suggest disabusing him of this notion immediately.

(Seriously, is he 12? Let him organize his own clothes, breakfast, etc.)

BarbarianMum · 16/04/2018 08:30

Start not assisting him at all. I think you'll find that he suddenly is capable of sorting himself out.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 16/04/2018 08:30

Tell him to ask his personal butler to provide Full Assistance

Raven88 · 16/04/2018 08:30

I would go on holiday and leave him for a couple of weeks because all employees need time away from work.

Step · 16/04/2018 08:30

Err - teamwork - getting kids ready, making breakfast, is all of us evewn the little one!

Full assistance..... yeah right. I'd piss myself.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 16/04/2018 08:30

Stop doing it. Tell him you’re not his skivvy. Stop being one.

lalaloopyhead · 16/04/2018 08:31

Another one here that thought this thread was going to be able something else entirely!

Really though he is treating you like a skivvy/employee - it is not your job to make sure he has everything he needs to get to work. Any fully functioning adult should be able to manage these things themselves. If I were you OP I would be sitting your DH down and having a serious conversation about his attitude towards you.

What was he doing last night while you were putting his suit out and things the door?