Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband requiring "full assistance" in the mornings?

999 replies

questi0n · 16/04/2018 07:56

My husband told me last night that he will "require full assistance" to get out in the morning as he has some important meetings etc. He often says things like this and I don't take much notice. I have 3 DC to get out to school as it is. Last night I put everything by the door for him, keys, phone headphones and some documents I "must not let him forget". I even hung his suit out and put his shoes by the door because I can't be doing with him asking me where Particular items are in the morning. Only for him to get up and have a flap because no, he's actually cycling to the meetings and apparently wanted a bag packed Confused.

Wouldn't you think that if you could see someone was dealing with 3 children in the mornings, you wouldn't add to the general rush and stress everyone out by shouting ridiculous questions and demands about things you could easily do yourself? This is a man who employs hundreds of people, by the way. Does anyone else have this kind of issue with their husband?

OP posts:
0phelia · 16/04/2018 08:06

I must have a dirty mind because I thought 'full assistance' was going to mean something else entirely

Me too! Grin

MasonJar · 16/04/2018 08:08

I thought this would be about someone's disabled DH who needed help with getting up, washing and dressing Confused.

LizzieSiddal · 16/04/2018 08:08

He sounds like someone who would enjoy living in the 1950s.

What would he say if you told him to sort himself out.

Velvetbee · 16/04/2018 08:08

No.
Mine manages to prepare all his stuff for important meetings, put a wash on and empty the dishwasher before he leaves, like an adult.

CuntPuffin · 16/04/2018 08:09

So he just has himself to get ready, while you sort everyone else, yet he still needs help? You are his wife, not his PA.

And even if you are willing to provide 'full assistance' occasionally, if he doesn't inform you he plans to cycle (he's a MAMIL isn't he?!), how were you meant to psychically know and pack accordingly. His communication skills are pretty poor for someone of such importance!

GetOffTheTableMabel · 16/04/2018 08:09

I think it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said that you teach people how to treat you. While your husband must be an arse to have ever thought this was acceptable, by not laughing in his face the first time, you have taught him that treating you like a staff member or his mummy, is somehow one of his choices. You are going to need to re-educate him.
I thought the title of your post meant that he had a debilitating illness or deteriorating disability. Being a bit of a wanker is curable but, somewhat unreasonably, a large part of the cure has to come from you.
Just. Say. No.

LiveLifeWithPassion · 16/04/2018 08:09

You do all that for him? Put his things by the door and hang his suit up?
Seriously, that’s ridiculous. How can he not do those things himself?
He must be a useless parent seeing as he needs so much babying himself.

thatwhichwecallarose · 16/04/2018 08:10

I don’t know if I’m more shocked that he expects you to do that or that you did it! If either DH or I have an early start we sort out what we can the night before and the other one will sort the children out. That’s pretty much it!

expatinscotland · 16/04/2018 08:10

Nope, sure don't have this issue, because anyone who treated me this way wouldn't be my spouse. My 12-year-old sorts herself out in the morning.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 16/04/2018 08:10

I thought this was going to be about getting an assessment for help with a genuinely disabled person who wasn't able to do much for themselves. (Although the sex thing did occur to me too!).
I hope you packed him some nice kiddy stationery, perhaps some brightly coloured pencils with feathers on the end. Maybe a cartoon design lunchbox and a blankie?

Original poster
questi0n · 16/04/2018 08:10

This morning it just struck me how stupid the whole thing is because I can't imagine myself expecting the same from him - or anyone.

In Saturday he rode his bike from London to Oxford and back which took nearly all day. He did take the kids out for dinner when he got back at 6pm because I wasn't feeling well. Then he played in a match yesterday morning. Then spent the afternoon complaining he was tired and getting stressed about the week ahead!

OP posts:
Skatingfastonthinice · 16/04/2018 08:10

So he’s always been like that, and you have always been his House Elf?
Now you want to change things, after decades? Did someone give you a sock?
He’s going to have a tantrum, sulk and threaten and you will have to be a logical grown-up. Please don’t tell me your children are used to the same level of service, DD is constantly pissed off at the men she encounters who still think this is the norm. I’d put money on your sex life being run along similar lines.

speakout · 16/04/2018 08:10

Last night I put everything by the door for him, keys, phone headphones and some documents I "must not let him forget". I even hung his suit out and put his shoes by the door

You are a nut case.

Your behaviour is worse than your OH's.

0phelia · 16/04/2018 08:10

Nikeforus

Good advice there.
Tell him step by step the evening before what he needs to do and make it clear you won't be doing other all for him because he is a grown up. You did not marry a child.

AnneProtheroe · 16/04/2018 08:10

I'd be tempted to go to one of the meetings, walk in and say to him "sorry, I forgot to do this" and spit on a hanky then wipe his face with it. Who the hell does he think he is? Shock

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 16/04/2018 08:10

DP complained that I never make his lunch for work like all his mates' wives. So I got up early put a sausage roll in his work boot and went back to bed Grin.

He has never asked me again and often brings me toast in bed if I haven't gotten up with him.

SilverySurfer · 16/04/2018 08:10

corlan
I must have a dirty mind because I thought 'full assistance' was going to mean something else entirely.

Me too Grin

OP, if you know he is being ridiculous and unreasonable why did you then get all his stuff together? All you're doing is enabling and encouraging him to carry on behaving in such a ludicrous fashion.

AuntLydia · 16/04/2018 08:11

Wow. Even my 13 year old doesn't need assistance in the morning and hasn't done for a while. I thought I was hard done by because DH just gets himself sorted and never helps with the younger kids. If he actually asked me to assist him in the morning I'd keel over laughing!!

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 16/04/2018 08:11

He sounds like an overly reliant man-child who is your chain.... no he doesn't need 'full assistance' in the morning at all, he is a fully functioning sentient adult of at least average intelligence (based on the fact you says he runs a company) If he can do that without wifely assistance then he can certainly get dressed and out the house by himself 😏
If he says anything like this again I would be tempted to laugh at him and say something like 'oh don't be ridiculous DH, you're a captain of industry and I have 3 kids to help get out the door, surely you can manage to put your underpants on the right way out without my assistance??'

speakout · 16/04/2018 08:11

Tell him step by step the evening before what he needs to do

So funny.

0phelia · 16/04/2018 08:12

Oh I think I misunderstood so he just meant that one particular morning and not EVERY morning?

DevilsDoorbell · 16/04/2018 08:13

What a twat. And you’re a fool for enabling him. And not giving as good as you get when he has a go at you for not being a mind reader.

Next time he tells you he needs full assistance, tell him he’s a grown adult who is perfectly capable of getting his own shit ready.

I would also ensure that the children are getting themselves ready too. Secondary school age children (unless they have additional needs) should also be able to get themselves sorted out with minimal input from you.

SurfnTerfFantasticmissfoxy · 16/04/2018 08:13

Fortheloveofsleep - that is magnificent 🤣

IAmMatty · 16/04/2018 08:13

My husband gets the kids ready while I get my hair and make us done in blissful peace, then we all leave 7.20am.

What the actual fuck are you doing, going along with this nonsense? He may employ hundreds of people but one of them ain't you!

Springnowplease · 16/04/2018 08:13

I would laugh so hard I'd break a rib if DH had ever said anything like that.