to think that the term 'making love' for a 3 year old is ridiculous

[ginplease8383]

DD3 was looking out of the window today and 2 pigeons on our garden fence started mating. DD piped up and asked what they were doing and I replied that they were play fighting (not thinking that this sort of discussion is appropriate for a 3 year old). DH pipes up that the pigeons are 'making love'. I shot him a look and later told him that he wasn't to say that again or anything like it again until she was much older. He disagreed that it was inappropriate to which I said Id give nursery his number to tell him its not when she starts repeating it at nursery.

AIBU and a bit sensitive or not?

I'm an older generation so "making love" seems normal to me, though of course, talking about pigeons, mating is the right word.

But what is so wrong with children knowing about sex as part of nature? They are innocent because they are in fact innocent, but knowing about mating will not take away that innocence.

Making love seems to me to be from the generation, who spoke about “French letters” and “something for the weekend sir”.

You explain things to three year olds in a way three year olds comprehend. That way they learn...
But why do they need to learn, far too young. 3 year olds ask umpteen questions every day......no need to go into detail with every one. Let them learn about sex at an age appropriate time for goodness sake.

How is saying they're mating in order to make baby pigeons going into detail? And why is 3 too young? It's just biology, not some dangerous terrible thing.

My DGD is 3 years old and she would be perfectly capable of understanding that and probably wouldn't ask any more about it.

My DD is pregnant at the moment and DGD knows her future sibling is inside her mummy. She accepts it as fact. She doesn't understand or want to know all the details, but she can feel the baby move and talk about it as a person. Is that also inappropriate?

How is giving children a little bits of knowledge about the world inappropriate, it's how they learn.

We keep chickens and my dc’s have known forever what it means when the cockerel is on top of one of the hens - that they’re trying to make eggs with chicks in so we won’t eat those eggs. I didn’t realise I was introducing them to sex at an early age.

If I’d told them they were fighting when they did it they would have no doubt tried to pull them apart and got scratched or pecked. I wouldn’t have said they were making love either - that’s just fucking weird and brings to mind images of a cockerel giving a hen a massage and lighting candles.

my 4 year old dgs thinks the rat who scampers around the local train station is the animal rat guard for mouse children going to school.

Mydoghatesbaths that made me grin so much!

We know how children learn, most kids also know babies grow in mummies tummy. At 3 year old that's all they need to know, anything much more than that would probably confuse them. It serves no purpose to explain the mating detail.Thats why they don't get taught algebra and geometry at that age, they simply aren't ready for it. If you're just going to say "they're mating" and then not go into detail the word will be meaningless, so why say it unless you are prepared to go into detail, which at 3 year old really isn't necessary.

No, they're mating in order to make baby pigeons, or making baby pigeons is clear and all they need to know, to answer the question.

No one's suggesting 3 year olds should be given full details or anything like it. Just a bit of age appropriate information in answer to their questions.

Not sure how that equates with teaching them algebra or geometry.

What on earth is wrong with telling a 3 year old that the birds are mating, or making baby pigeons? Surely that's an ideal opportunity for a factual reference to a basic fact of life? No need for a big sit-down convo about it, just a passing question and answer - what are they doing... they're making baby pigeons. If she wanted to know more, she'd ask.

you should have said they were mating, what's the problem?
I think you should tell your children about this stuff as early as possible.

Oh well we all have the right to do what WE think is appropriate thank goodness. But i know with my kids if they were interested enough to ask what two mating pigeons were doing and i'd have said "they are mating" they would then have asked "what does mating mean"? No need at 3 fgs.

Just a bit surprised that you all have kids that can be told "they're mating" and then not be curious enough to want to know what that means.

fourfried why, for what purpose do they need to know at 3?

No, just saying they're mating isn't all and they won't understand that, which is why it should be followed up by 'they're making baby pigeons'.

yes true, the word 'mating' might not mean much..esp. if he compares it with 'mate' as in 'oi mate'...:)

Why shouldn't they know? It's making babies. It's mating. It's a life cycle.

It's so bloody ridiculous to think that a child loses their innocence as soon as they know about sex.

My oldest never asked me any questions, but his younger brothers did. They asked me many many questions about absolutely everything, I had to also explain gravity to them at 3, and how planes could fly, and how clouds were made. So why would I answer those questions truthfully and then make up a load of bollocks about how I got a baby in my tummy or what pigeons/other animals were doing. Just because they asked and I told them it didn't make them any less innocent than their brother at the same age who never asked.

I think the problem is that it's S. E. X Norbert

We've bred horses since before my DD was born. When she was tiny, she'd often be sat in her pushchair, facing the action, while my DH & I handled the mare & the stallion.

My DD has grown up knowing the facts of life - due to what we do, we have pretty frank conversations about sperm, semen, ovulation, wash outs, etc.

Now in secondary school, she is actually one of the youngest in her year - physically & mentally. She's not naive, but she is innocent. Knowing the facts hasn't made her any less innocent. But it has made her switched on to how bodies work in general, her own rights to her body, and what the near and further future holds for her.

It's just life to her, it's all completely natural. I don't get this whole hiding the facts of life from children. You give them the facts they need as you go along, as they ask the questions. I tend to go with the idea that if they're old enough to ask the question, they're old enough for the answer - couched in terms appropriate for their age.

So like others have said, at this point in a childs life, I'd have said they were making babies, and this is how pigeons do it. Then field any further questions from there.

Further to my above post - I meant to add, that we aren't unusual in what we do, this is pretty normal in farm children. Children raised on farms have a pretty good handle on birth, death & sex, from a young age. And this is right, I think. I think people protect children too much - which can cause problems further down the line.

Children are so protected from so many facts of life now - we are doing them no favours by doing that.

My DD who is nearly 5 keeps asking me about babies , I told her mummy's and daddy's have a very special hug and daddy puts a seed in mummys belly, she then said where does the seed come from in daddy and where does he put it so I told her it's from daddy's willy and she said yuck and we haven't spoken about it since !!

Talking about "mating" in a casual way could encourage kids to think it's ok to have a quickie down a back alley when they're barely in their teens.Sorry but i think the facts of life, i.e. SEX needs to be taught to kids at an appropriate age and that it's an act that two people do who are committed to each other, nothing at at all like two pigeons "mating" to have baby pigeons. What unnecessary confusion stupidity to hoist on a young 3 year old mind. Just WHY?

moonlight just how is telling 3 year olds about mating protecting them in anyway whatsoever. I do agree we are over protective with our kids more than ever, but that's because with the internet society has changed. To prove my point about how kids seem to know too much for their age my dgs's friend was explaining about sex to him by pushing his finger in and out of his circled hand, telling him "this is sex". That was at 5 year old for goodness sake.

Teaching children about sex and reproduction doesn't result in underage sex. We have the worst rates of any European country for teenage pregnancies and we tend to be the most repressed about sex education.

My DCs' questions were answered from the time they asked the first question and I know for a fact that they view sex as something that belongs in a relationship as we talk to each other about such things and always have done.

They were never in a position to 'have a quickie down a back alley when barely in the teens' because they never hung around the streets, or indeed, back allies.

loveless i'm not surprised she hasn't spoken about it since. It's probably horrified her.

Looks like I'm in the minority here but I don't see why a 3 year old needs any understanding of the birds and the bees! At that age I'd just go with cuddling!

Well, I very much doubt that a 5 year old would have learn to do that with his fingers from a parent answering his question at an early age.

Sounds more like something he would have picked up in the playground from an older child.