Dh ordering medication online

[meadowposy]

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

Weezol is right- use your stint in hospital to seek advice from a drugs advisor. If he's earning over £50,000 then he's likely a professional HCP with a governing body? Eg GP, senior nurse manager or dentist etc. You can contact the professional body confidentially for advice and there will be support there for him. As PPs have said, look out for yourself- letting him order in your name is leaving a trail which I would be extremely unhappy about, especially with DCs. What was your career before the children? When can you pick it back up?

mummyoflittledragon - that's why the OP picks up the prescription and its in her name

that's why he is buying off the internet - again in her name.

but he is a professional, they have a very naice income with a nanny and kids in private education (probably)so everything is alright isn't it.

well until something happens, which of course it wont because it never does, does it... until of course it does and someone dies/is seriously injured by this junkie. he needs to be called what he is and perhaps that would be a good starting point for the OP. calling him an addict.

I really feel for you as codeine addiction (any addiction really) ruins lives. Have a read about the traits of codependency as I think you will recognise yourself. My guess is, like me, you're a people pleaser/caretaker type and you're a really sweet and giving person. That's why you have become co-dependent and an enabler to an addict. Most of us codependents have been programmed to be that way since childhood and it's actually really hard to break the codependency habit. You feel very stuck. Reading about it, or having counselling will help.

In my situation I have recently had to go NC with my 74 year old father as he is addicted to codeine and other painkillers. His addiction has driven everybody else away and I (along with DH and DCs) was the last one left. He has used suicide attempts/threats my whole life as a method of coercive control to get me to get him medication etc. I've endured vile abuse which I've always minimised because he's my dad and he didn't have anyone else.

I've had to have pretty intense therapy - He crossed the line because he started to make the suicide threats around my DC and I couldn't bear them being manipulated into doing his bidding.

Sad as it sounds I just wish I'd cut contact with him a long time ago as the pain has been so far reaching, and the guilt I have now is enormous (society doesn't look kindly on adult daughters who stop dealing with their elderly fathers).

I'm just telling my story so you know that these situations only get worse as the addict ages. I would hate for your DC to end up where I am.
Please look for some support, and make a plan to leave before this reaches crisis point! Best of luck.

@meadowposy
At the end of the day you have a choice to make. The choice may look like crap, and you're vulnerable, I get it, but it's still a choice. It's now just up to you. No-one else can make that choice, your DH won't and your DC can't.

I'm interested in that you haven't mentioned any family or friends that could support you - I wonder if you are so isolated and therefore very insular because you have no-one else? This is all you have and it's scary to make that choice to change that. It's a bit "better the devil you know" - but it could be so much better! Life does not have to be this way.

It's not a repeat and I don't value the veneer of anything, I just genuinely am terrified I will have a suicide on my conscience.

zebrano heartbreaking. No one would judge the OP if she left. well done on doing the right thing for your children.

i just genuinely am terrified I will have a suicide on my conscience

And when you have the death of one his patients on your conscience instead...?

Op - do you have a terminal illness or one which you'll eventually recover from?

I'm just thinking of your childrens' future.

I just genuinely am terrified I will have a suicide on my conscience.
This is why you need help too. Read what zebrano has posted, this theat of suicide and trying to frame you for it IS what addicts do, many if not all of them.

If your OH was to end his life, it would be the addiction that would have killed him, NOT YOU! What you are doing now is helping him kill himself, albeit slowly.

While you're in hospital you have an ideal opportunity to report this. It sure as hell isn't going away while you do nothing. Perhaps at some point the children will say something triggering a safeguarding alert but it would be better if you take responsibility for reporting his drug use and his manipulation of you.

The only thing you can do OP is turn the situation around. YOU do the threatening and you tell him that if he doesn't get himself into rehab right now, you are going to report him.

In the end, your OH is bound to be very clever and he will know deep inside that you are totally right. Maybe he is even at this stage of waiting for you to make that threat so that the decision is made for him. That might be the only way to truly save him.

....but not terrified that you will have the injury or the death of one of your children on your conscience. or the death of one of his patients. or that your kids will end up in care. or you get found out for illegally obtaining medicines and on and on....

Sorry OP but that's an excuse. you are clearly an educated person.

He is an junkie. you didn't make him like this, he did. these are his choices and not yours. Your choice is to stay with him, enable him to continue being a junkie and expose your children and others to his potential to cause them harm.

His life is clearly more important to you than your childrens or your own. why is that?

@meadowposy
Your choice may be to do nothing, but then something may happen and then you will have no choice at all. You'll just deal with the fall out instead.

I was once in a controlling relationship. After years of emotional manipulation and abuse, I finally woke up. I gave myself permission to make a choice and leave. Life became instantly better because for the first time in a very long time I felt I had some control back. So give yourself permission and take back control.

He's putting his health at grave risk anyway so I don't see the suicide worry makes much difference.

Suicide means that life & mortgage insurance won't pay out.

I hadn't thought about that.

weezol brutal! are you suggesting its all about the money then?

viques

Well in this case it could be that one of us, or a member of our family is due to be assessed/diagnosed/treated by this junkie next week

When I posted my rhetorical question to the OP it was to ask her to reflect on why we're being hard-hitting in our advice. At the time, I didn't know (and do we know for sure?) that the DH is an HCP/clinician.

But I agree, if the OP is in possession of material knowledge that her 'H' is still executing their duties as a medic while on powerful meds, then it is yet another reason why she needs to take action and seek RL support from professionals, and not do an ostrich impression.

As the last poster said, he is an addict. Addicts lie, cheat, steal, manipulate and guilt trip to get what they want. His main aim in life is to get drugs and everything else is of little importance. It doesn’t matter whether he’s taking crack, heroin or Valium, an addict is an addict. I’m related to one, believe me, I know.

As it stands, here are your options:

a) report him. He’ll may end up accepting help. His problem will be exposed and it may force him to deal with it.

b) stay as you are. He’ll either continue as he is indefinitely, or overdose, or do something to endanger or hurt himself or someone else.

Right now, he’s not at rock bottom. He’s holding down a job, he’s able to use you to get drugs. He might be sorry about the situation he’s in right now, but as soon as the need for a drug hits, that comes first. He uses excuses like his back hurts, or presumably that you give him a hard time, or his job is stressful yo justify and minimize his habit.

He’s not doing anything about this any time soon and I think all you can do is decide what you and your children are going to do. Living with an addict is soul-destroying and exhausting and all if you deserve better. I know this is hard to hear, but your children are being affected, despite what you might want to think.

I’m so sorry, this is a horrible situation to be in. I just think you need to start looking at how you and your children are going to move forward. Or accept that this is your life and this is how it will continue :(

**mummymeister Thank you. The threat of my dad's suicide was real because he had me witness one of his suicide attempts when I was 17. Giving me that trauma at a young age set me up to be the perfect little enabler. Even last year (I'm 35 now) he had me sneaking medication into hospital when he was an inpatient. After counselling I now realise how powerful the coercive control/suicide threats can be.

OP, ive been where you are and I've learned that you can't shoulder the burden of if your addict lives or dies. It would never be your fault. That's his choice to make

I just want to add, I guess your first step could be to refuse to be used to get him more drugs. Yes, he’ll be angry, yes, he’ll try to manipulate you...but at least you wouldn’t be enabling his addiction.

Look, I hate to say something that may feel to you like I'm piling on, but you need to hear this. Opioid addiction can kill, especially if people are mixing them with other drugs as he is doing. The situation he is in is very very bad - and thus the situation you and the kids are in is very very bad. It will get worse. At some point he won't be able to access legal drugs (he'll be known at most of the pharmacies I imagine), or the money will run out (probabaly when he losing his job due to addiction), and he'll end up on street drugs or stealing to pay for the drugs. This situation will only get worse unless one of you takes action, and it won't be him because he is in the grip of addiction - one of the main symptoms of which is that he is unaware of much outside of the drug and his need for them. You need to take action for the sake of the kids, and frankly for his sake too. Right now you're enabling him to stay addicted. I know none of this is nice, but you need to tell someone and get support.

“but I don't know what to do”

For a start take heed of some of the advice on here and act on it. Stop burying your head in the sand. He is a drug addict. You enable his behaviour and are complicit. Unless you act now, when the shit hits the fan you will go down with him.

Stop prioritising him. Your children come first, not him.

“I'm actually in hospital mummy”

This thread keeps on giving.

"I just don't get it. How can people value the veneer of their middle class lifestyle with a nanny and earning above the CB limit more than their own precious children?"

Exactly. I can't believe that some people are this stupid. I hope the nanny susses out the situation and contacts the authorities.

he's taking diazepam plus pregabalin - that's a very risky situation. I had a serious spinal injury a few years ago and it was either/or not both.
Pregabalin has a sedative effect, on my prescribed dose I was a zombie for 23hrs a day
Its going to be different for peope, i was not like this, and i took both.
The important thing is the op’s husband has not been prescribed this.
Op your husband has no idea if his doctor would even allow him this, not everyone is.
It's not illegal to buy medication AFAIK
Yes, but it is if he doesn't have a prescription.
How is he getting this without one?
You may end up with a death, what happens if he takes too much?
Pregablin is prescribed and monitored, what if he takes too much?
He’s already overdosing on co-codAmol.

I used to live with a man who had a cocaine addiction. He blamed me for EVERYTHING. He used to say he only used so much because I nagged at him and made him so unhappy, and that if he got too miserable and killed himself it would be all my fault and I should be ashamed of how I treated him.

He was full of bollocks.

I eventually left him, sneaking away when he was away on a work trip. And his addiction continued, his drug use continued, but he didn't kill himself and without me his life was even worse.

OP, the only way you and your children will have a life worth living is if you get away from this abusive, drug-addicted man.

I know it doesn't seem like it. But it's true.