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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 15/04/2018 13:49

"I'm actually in hospital "

not mentioned until page 7! so who the hell is looking after the kids at the moment then?

Jeez this just gets worse and worse.

I've upset you and you have a right to be upset.

daisychain01 · 15/04/2018 13:50

If it was all above board, he would go through the right process, via his GP and get properly diagnosed and medicated.

Getting drugs off the internet is massively risky, you haven't a clue what you're putting into your body, none of it is regulated, it's like playing Russian Roulette.

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 13:50

A nanny. Kids in no danger but miss me of course and I miss them.

OP posts:
Queenio24 · 15/04/2018 13:51

He's not looking after the kids on his is, whilst taking all these sedating drugs is he?

Juells · 15/04/2018 13:52

The friend of a friend was a GP who was addicted to alcohol and drugs. It was so bad that I was sure she'd be disbarred, but she was sent for treatment and returned to work.

HollowTalk · 15/04/2018 13:53

Is there any chance he is giving you drugs that are making you ill?

I can see that you are worried that if you leave him you'll have nowhere to live and no money and maybe the children will have to change schools, etc. It's so important you do something now. Could you stay with your parents?

Weezol · 15/04/2018 13:53

If you are in hospital, ask to talk to a drugs referral worker. It's a starting point.

As vert little seems to be getting through to you at the moment, I'm going to be very blunt.

If you die suddenly in a car accident, what will happen to your kids if he is their sole carer?

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 13:54

No he isn't drugging me. I do appreciate your replies, I really do.

OP posts:
mummymeister · 15/04/2018 14:01

In all honesty, I don't want my replies to be appreciated. or those of anyone else really. I want to hear that you are writing down a plan of action to deal with this mess before the real consequences of what he is doing kick in.

he is clearly in a highly paid job if you have a nanny working on a Sunday. Money isn't everything. is it more important to you than your kids? don't let your kids memories be of you all driving around getting dads next fix.

if you are in hospital then speak to someone. he wont know and you can start putting a plan of action together.

whatever your condition, your own medical notes are now a lie because you got drugs for him by pretending to be ill. you need to speak to the doctor on the next ward round, bring this to their attention and get your notes changed.

Missingstreetlife · 15/04/2018 14:04

Try the priory, or clouds. Private rehab. He needs to detox and ongoing family therapy, support
Perhaps the nanny will report him

LimonViola · 15/04/2018 14:04

With respect, mummy, OP asked for advice, she's got it, and has made it clear that she is unwilling to act at this point in time. And nobody else on this forum has the power to change that.

OP, I hope you got what you wanted from this thread. Print it out and save it somewhere (where he won't find it) to read through next time shit hits the fan or you're considering leaving.

LadyPenelopeCantDance · 15/04/2018 14:06

Please watch this video by the BBC on pregabalin. He is at serious risk and you’re not helping him by minimising and enabling his behaviour.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-devon-40937449/prescription-drug-pregabalin-linked-to-death-rise

mummyhaschangedhername · 15/04/2018 14:06

Are you pregnant OP?

I think it's a different situation for you to be in.

How is he in himself after he has taken his medication? I which ways does it affect him?

Does he abuse alcohol as well as prescription drugs?

Has he always had an issue? If not how recent is this?

Sorry for the questions, just trying to gauge the situation ... it's a very difficult place for you to be. Right now you're the priority and while your husbands situation does need some sort of urgent intervention right now you need to prioritise yourself and the children, which it sounds like you are doing.

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/04/2018 14:07

Sorry but mummy is right. Your priorities are fucked up. You need to get your children out of this situation but you won’t do it because you’re putting many other things first.

swingofthings · 15/04/2018 14:07

He is a doctor isn't he? That's why he can prescribe things to you that you can then give to him. That's why he won't listen to anything you say because he's a clinician and he isn't. You can talk to anyone because if you do, people would report him and then he would lose his fitness to practice and that would be the end of his career potentially and then your lifestyle or worse.

I feel so so so sorry for you OP. You probably love your DP deeply and feel so hopeless. You probably feel so desperate to believe him that he's going to sort his problem out because if he can't as a clinician, who is going to.

No-one here can advise you. You say you are ill yourself, whether mentally of physically, this whole thing is probably having a massive impact on your own health.

You can't make him realise how serious is situation is, only he can. What you need to come to terms to, and seem to be what you are doing right now, is that the problem is not going to go away by itself. Your OH has stopped having control over his illness. The reality is that his addition is probably affecting his ability to carry our his duties. How would you feel if he made a massive error and that caused great harm to someone innocent who was trusting their lives to the hands of your OH?

Horrible situation but you do need to take action, if not tomorrow, very soon. Good luck OP.

mummymeister · 15/04/2018 14:09

So, LimonViola - whats the point in all of this?

Too many "yes but...." threads where down the line the poster then tells you about the next pile of shit that has happened and it usually then involves other people.

I just don't get it. How can people value the veneer of their middle class lifestyle with a nanny and earning above the CB limit more than their own precious children?

you are right of course. I know that. I just hope I don't meet him on the road or in his professional capacity or read about them all in the DM.

Downtheroadfirstonleft · 15/04/2018 14:16

OP please DO SOMETHING, you are in very real danger of losing your kids when SS get involved.

Lots of good advice on here.

Mintychoc1 · 15/04/2018 14:18

OP he’s a junkie and there are childcare involved, this is so very wrong. Your children shouldn’t have to live with a drug addict.

OliviaBenson · 15/04/2018 14:18

He's an addict op and they lie and are incredibly manipulative. This isn't going to go away on its own and I think you know that. You need to be strong for you and your kids.

QuizzlyBear · 15/04/2018 14:19

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP, addiction is a horrible thing to live with and by its nature, rips relationships apart.

However I think your DH sounds (like any addict) as though he's only interested in his own needs and you have become preoccupied by also serving only his needs. IMO the only people whose needs are being ignored are those who are the most vulnerable; your children and those your DH is charged with safeguarding (his patients/ clients / pupils?)

Your children deserve to grow up in a family whose preoccupations don't revolve around their father's addictions, his temper and his criminal acts. They deserve a mother who doesn't get arrested for the crimes he's forcing her to commit. They deserve the chance to live in a family where these patterns (and they do see more if what's going on than you think, I can guarantee that!) aren't ones they learn for themselves. I suggest that you kick him out, keep the nanny on for assistance (if you have ongoing health issues and he's a decent earner, he can't argue that) and work on your health and your children's happiness and security.
Good luck Thanks

viques · 15/04/2018 14:19

daisychain

"whats in it for all these people on the internet"

Well in this case it could be that one of us, or a member of our family is due to be assessed/diagnosed/treated by this junkie next week. Personally I would rather someone was concentrating on my health needs, not thinking about where they are going to get their next hit from.

CotswoldStrife · 15/04/2018 14:20

I hope MNHQ doesn't delete this thread because I also think this is a repeat. You can go around in circles as many times as you like OP, it doesn't change the facts or the outcome. You are risking other people's health if he's treating them while under this much medication. It's time to do the right thing for you all and that is to report him now. It's not going to get better by self-medicating, it's only making it worse.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2018 14:21

Chemists know addicts by sight and will not serve them. You must know this to be true, surely?

WeAllHaveWings · 15/04/2018 14:23

I just don't get it. How can people value the veneer of their middle class lifestyle with a nanny and earning above the CB limit more than their own precious children?

Because they are shallow, selfish, believe they deserve the home, money etc (even though it is beyond their own earning power) and don't know any other way of protecting what is precious to them.

dh and his brothers are the outcome of this type of situation, FIL was an alcoholic who eventually drunk himself to death in his early 50's, MIL used to buy him drink to keep him quiet so she could enjoy the money. Actually said to dh and his brothers on more than one occasion how it would be so much more convenient if FIL just got on with it and died. Left dh and his brothers mostly to fend for themselves.

Unfortunately the reality of living with an alcoholic eventually got too much and they divorced, he died shortly after which really pissed her off as she was no longer his wife and the will and life insurance didn't pay out (he didn't have much of an estate as he'd drank it dry).

swingofthings · 15/04/2018 14:25

I expect the holiday was even arranged from his perspective not for the purpose of spending quality time with his family but a way to get his drugs without the worry of being caught. So so sad, addiction is really a b*

I think one lesson to get from this is if you go to your GP and he refuses to prescribe more of the medicine that makes you feel so much better, that's why. If it can destroy the life of a doctor, someone who will know more than anyone else what the risks are and how you can lose control, it can certainly happen to all of us.