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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 15/04/2018 13:34

He is taking his own life though at the moment, given the medication he is on its only a matter of time before at the very least he has a serious health scare

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 13:34

I can't put him on hospital. On what grounds?

Limon it's opened my eyes to how serious it is and at the moment I can't do much more than that.

OP posts:
daisychain01 · 15/04/2018 13:34

He's a mess and a wreck. I know that. What I don't know is what to do about it

You could try reading the advice on here from people who have been through what you have, so they are talking from experience. Use the guidance to plan an exit for you and your DC. Every day you continue to enable this man's behaviour and actions, you are using up time that could be spent escaping from his abuse.

You need to come out of denial mode and into acceptance mode.

Your husband is using your identity as a laundering technique so any wrongdoing is linked to your name not his. That is a sign of abuse. He doesn't care about you, only about your ability to give him access to drugs.

Slartybartfast · 15/04/2018 13:36

OP it is 2018, You will not end up in the work house.
there are options for you to survive.

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 13:37

It's not quite that straightforward slarty

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 15/04/2018 13:37

If he gets found out its prison potentially not hospital - certainly losing his job and his livelihood

Queenio24 · 15/04/2018 13:38

If he's taking diazepam plus pregabalin - that's a very risky situation. I had a serious spinal injury a few years ago and it was either/or not both.
Pregabalin has a sedative effect, on my prescribed dose I was a zombie for 23hrs a day. Goodness knows how he's functioning if he's combining this with other stuff.
Stop making excuses for him OP he is seriously addicted to drugs and you are facilitating this.

Dobbythesockelf · 15/04/2018 13:39

You can do more you can get you and your children out of there. You can get your things in order. You can contact women's aid. You can talk to someone about benefits etc. You could talk to a solicitor. The money he brings in will stop as his addiction progresses anyway. He won't be able to help you look after children at all if he continues. You need to stop thinking about him and think about your children. He will not get better if you keep enabling him. He won't see a Dr or speak to someone. He is already implicating you in his addiction.

swingofthings · 15/04/2018 13:39

He's a mess and a wreck. I know that. What I don't know is what to do about it
What he is is a drug addict and he behaves typically to what addicts do because they only have one goal and that is to get their fix. So they lie, they use guilt and blame, if that doesn't work, they use pressure, threats. It doesn't matter because nothing can make them feel worse than the effect of not getting their drug, so everything else go.

He is clearly in the denial stage, still trying to justify that what he is doing is medically treating himself because he can do so better than his GP. He is not medicating himself, he is drugging himself.

As for you, you seem to be in denial of the above too. There are probably a lot of reasons why, it's very hard to cope with drug addict as they snap your self-esteem and end up making you doubt everything you think, feel and believe.

What you need to do is call drug addict anonymous or whatever they are call and seek help from them. Your OH could end up destroying you along side destroying himself. Hopefully you can both get help and recover from it.

mummymeister · 15/04/2018 13:40

Limon it's opened my eyes to how serious it is and at the moment I can't do much more than that.

so your eyes are open but that's it.

you aren't ill enough not to go on holiday and your aren't ill enough to not be driving a car or typing on an internet forum. so you are well enough to pack a bag, pack one for the kids and walk out.

you value your husbands highly paid job, money and the veneer of respectability that this gives you over the health, safety and welfare of yourself, your children, his co-workers, his patients etc.

I assume you don't get child benefit because he earns too much.

stop sitting around wringing your hands saying "what can I do, what can I do" and just do. You and your children wont be living in boxes on the street. you wont be on a massive salary like you are now but you choose?

Oh, sorry, you already have.

DaisyDoo80 · 15/04/2018 13:40

Do you think ignoring the problem will help? You do realise you will have to deal with the shit storm at some point don't you?

I don't mean to sound so harsh, but what good do you think you are doing by hiding, enabling and protecting his addiction?

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 13:41

It's not illegal to buy medication AFAIK

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 15/04/2018 13:42

no, it is not straightforward.
it is hard.
but op something should change

Original poster
meadowposy · 15/04/2018 13:42

I'm actually in hospital mummy

We went on the holiday because the children could go on the beach and I could rest

And the driving I had to keep stopping to be sick

But I will think about what you've said but your post is wrong and it has upset me a lot.

OP posts:
SecretTerf · 15/04/2018 13:43

Is he buying the pharmacy drugs OTC or is he forging prescriptions? The latter is potentially even more serious, of course

Slartybartfast · 15/04/2018 13:44

can you at least talk to someone, narcanon would be a good place? non judgy - common ground.

viques · 15/04/2018 13:44

If he is working in the health professions then I am sure there are procedures you can initiate to get him "randomly" tested. Either contact his professional association, or his practice manager (if as someone said he is a GP) , or his manager in whatever setting he works in. If you are worried about doing this then do it anonymously. Give as much detail as you can . It will be followed up. He is endangering so many people, you, the children, patients. Drug addiction in health care professionals is very common, he isn't the first, he won't be the last. And he knows, as do you , that addicts can't heal themselves. They need help.

Do you really want to take on the burden of responsibility for his actions by refusing to do what you know needs to be done?

mummymeister · 15/04/2018 13:44

It's not illegal to buy medication AFAIK

there you go again, minimising.

I think what you did - getting medication for him by using a fictional illness is certainly morally wrong wouldn't you say?

Doesn't his work contract say something about not being under the influence of drugs whilst at work?

JackietheBackie · 15/04/2018 13:45

Do you think he could be drugging you to keep you pliable and weak?

Apart from his addiction he is also very abusive. Your children will be aware of this. They will already be moderating their behaviour and reactions to avoid "upsetting" Dad. You probably are already trying to manage them and yourself to avoid triggering his temper.

Sadly, you can't do anything to make this better. He has to do it. He is absolutely kidding himself if he thinks work aren't aware of this. People will know - they will clock how fidgety and short he gets at the end of the day, how he doesn't cope well with changes to his schedule which will interfere with him getting his next fix.

I know this is your life and it seems normal, but the things you have mentioned on this thread are pretty extreme behaviours.

If you leave, or ask him to leave, he us obliged to financially support you (if you are married). You should be able to get support from women's aid about safety planning and addfam for coping with his addiction. You are in a horrible position. But you can't fix him.

Dobbythesockelf · 15/04/2018 13:45

Oh FFS it's not about illegal to buy medication it's about the fact that he has an addiction. It sounds like he is in a job which has a lot of responsibility and he could very well be endangering lives everyday. He is commuting fraud by ordering medication online in your name. If money and respectability is more important than a safe secure environment for your kids then crack on

iloveeverykindofcat · 15/04/2018 13:45

Okay, you say you can't look after the children alone. I understand you feel that way, but how will you look after them when he overdoses? Which he will, leaving you open to a criminal investigation. He will either depress his respiratory system, or ruin his liver and kidneys (even if he knows how to filter the codeine, which it sounds like he does, he will be retaining some of the other drugs in the massive quantities he is taking). This isn't an if. It's a when. Break his confidence now, or circumstances will force your hand.

Queenio24 · 15/04/2018 13:46

I don't know if it's illegal or not, but it's certainly unethical and dangerous.
This is one of the reasons why you won't inform his GP of his addition is it not?

daisychain01 · 15/04/2018 13:47

Sometimes the truth hurts, meadowposy.

You need to think "what's in it for all these people on the internet, telling you that you need to take action, when you know the situation is serious"? Why should we care, we don't know you. But the people who have been through all this stuff don't want you and your DCs lives to be wrecked so we're saying it like it is, because you asked for some feedback.

Feeding you platitudes, telling you not to worry or it's fine, he's not doing anything wrong, just so we don't upset you, won't cut the mustard, and won't help your DC, right?

Quartz2208 · 15/04/2018 13:49

he isnt buying medication he is forging prescriptions (if a doctor) or lying to get one in your name and using someone elses prescription. He is also clearly working whilst addicted.

The post that upset you, upset you because its true

SecretTerf · 15/04/2018 13:49

Who’s looking after the children while you’re in hospital? Is it him? If so they’re in danger.

Please confide in someone in the hospital - a nurse or other professional. Ask to speak to a social worker. You and your children need help now.

I’m so sorry this is happening to you and if you’re ill I can imagine it all feels far too much to deal with. That’s why you need to talk to someone who can help you.