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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:
LoveProsecco · 15/04/2018 21:38

You have great advice here, please prioritise yourself and your children.

If he won't get help leave him

monkeychickenpig · 15/04/2018 21:39

You can get pregabalin from push doctor on script then buy it at a legitimate chemist
It's cheap
But why does he need it?
I was on gabapentin for over a year and it was a horrific drug. Similar to pregabalin.
Is he trying to mask some symptom? I would be worried and want him to be checked by a GP

monkeychickenpig · 15/04/2018 21:42

Why are there safeguarding issues?
You have a duty to your kids you know...
Addiction to codeine can be treated I have stopped it several times but you need to taper it to avoid the terrible withdrawal although you do still suffer
What does he need the codeine for is he in pain?

CapnHaddock · 15/04/2018 21:43

@meadowposy I'm listening to this on radio 4 now: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09yfqsy sobering stuff

monkeychickenpig · 15/04/2018 21:44

Is he a teacher?
He can't be under the influence and working that is really irresponsible

freshstart24 · 15/04/2018 21:51

OP if your DH loves you and DC like you say he will know that the best thing for you all is to get out of the current situation. To get away from him whilst he is like this.

It may terrify him because his addiction is so strong and you are his gateway to obtaining what he needs.

However the part of him that cares for you all would want you to get away.

Maybe he will find help and beat this horrible addiction. If so he will be forever grateful that you put DC first and left him.

If he genuinely got better there would be the space to get back together.

But honestly, truly, at this time you need to get away. Take whatever support that you can for you and DC.

I feel for you. You need to dig deep OP.

SunnySkiesSleepsintheMorning · 15/04/2018 21:51

You say he wouldn’t push you under a bus but by making your complicit in this, that is exactly what he is doing. You and your children deserve better.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2018 21:51

'You can get pregabalin from push doctor on script then buy it at a legitimate chemist'

You can get anything from anywhere provided you have the funds. RTFT.

Please take the advice on here, meadow, and priortise yourself and your children.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. But you can drink yourself.

Daisymay2 · 15/04/2018 22:01

OP
He is being disingenuous. Pregabalin isn't an adjunct for codeine withdrawal, It is highly addicitive in its own right- thats why the Home Office are consulting/ have consulted on its legal status. My suspicion is that the Police have pushed very hard to get it Controlled under the Misuse of Drugs Act.There is a huge illicit problem in some areas.
Please, please ask for help for the children, you and him.
First step, tell the bank you have lost your card, get it replaced and hide it from him.

Sophia1984 · 15/04/2018 22:04

Is there a possibility that work have already found out and he has actually been suspended but has told you he is signed off?

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 22:04

Thanks, expat again

Thank you

OP posts:
freshstart24 · 15/04/2018 22:30

Hope you get some rest tonight OP.

You are right to listen to expat, take heed of what she is telling you. She is right.

One step in the right direction at a time....

freshstart24 · 15/04/2018 22:30

Hope you get some rest tonight OP.

You are right to listen to expat, take heed of what she is telling you. She is right.

One step in the right direction at a time....

Coyoacan · 15/04/2018 22:46

How would you feel if he made a massive error and that caused great harm to someone innocent who was trusting their lives to the hands of your OH?

A really dear, dear friend of mine was erroneously prescribed huge quantities of steroids by an alcoholic GP and when I met her all her bones were crumbling and she needed to take morphine all the time to deal with the pain.

OP, I do think you should at least take up the suggestion of going to Al Anon or Na Anon. There will be able to meet other people with experience of living with addicts and at least find out how not to be an enabler. And the important thing, in your case, is that they are, what it says on the label, Anonymous.

TammySwansonTwo · 15/04/2018 22:53

OP, I really feel for you. Addiction is scary.

I am on stronger opiates than your DH and have been on pregabalin at the same time. I am so carefully monitored, doses are carefully monitored and crucially the amount I get is carefully monitored.

The body converts codeine into morphine. I don’t take it to get high and even I gradually become tolerant to a dose and it has to be increased. When you take it to get high, that happens much more quickly and he will need a lot more of the drug to get the same effect. That’s when things become very dangerous, especially if it’s in combination with paracetamol or ibuprofen.

Your DH needs help. I know you want to carry on as you are but that’s not possible - something will give eventually. The fact it’s in your name is incredibly worrying.

MrMeSeeks · 15/04/2018 23:17

Your husband is kidding himself if he thinks he can get of codeine using pregablin.
He maybe able to go cold turkey from the codeine ( though its doubtful at the doses he’s on) but what happens when he’s then stuck on the pregablin?

BastardGoDarkly · 15/04/2018 23:22

Op, what a bloody awful situation.

I'm not going to tell you to do something I think you've read that a hundred times today.

You haven't said how old your kids are, but however old, they're going to think it strange that you drive daddy round chemist after chemist, they'll hear the arguments, so will the nanny. They'll eventually say something to someone, ,or the nanny will.

It WILL come out, it absolUtley will, take control while you still can.

Good luck Flowers

IDrinkAndISewThings · 15/04/2018 23:37
Flowers
TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 16/04/2018 00:07

OP, this is a horrible situation. Is there anyone at all who could help you - any family or friends? What would you do with the kids if your DH was hospitalised or dropped dead tomorrow? If there is anyone, please reach out to them. Please. Your family, his family - is there really no one?

Second point - why is he not driving at the moment? Has he lost his licence? Or is he scared he will? The shaking sounds so bad it’s good he isn’t, though!

Third thing: you have not caused any of this. This is all on him. You may have a serious illness - other people manage to cope with their partners having serious or terminal illnesses without blaming them and saying their addiction is the ill partner’s fault. People in love don’t make their loved ones drive around pharmacies as they throw up. None of this is caused by you. He should be nurturing you in your hour of need, not making it all about him and his need for drugs. He is treating you like shit. You don’t seem to see that.

MrsLupo · 16/04/2018 00:09

@meadowposy

I am so sorry you are in this situation. If your DH is a doctor, you can get confidential support and advice from the Doctors For Doctors service on 0330 123 1245. His situation is more common than you may think and is fixable potentially, but you need knowledgeable advice and to offload this on to someone else asap.

I really hope you are better yourself soon too. Flowers

LimonViola · 16/04/2018 07:21

Yesterday 23:17 MrMeSeeks

Your husband is kidding himself if he thinks he can get of codeine using pregablin.
He maybe able to go cold turkey from the codeine ( though its doubtful at the doses he’s on) but what happens when he’s then stuck on the pregabablin?

Not necessarily. The worst of acute opiate withdrawal is over within 4-7 days. If pregabalin is used judiciously over that time period (to facilitate sleep at night for example), it can help to mask the worst of the WD symptoms but not be long enough for pregabalin dependency to set in.

It's by the by anyway, I don't get the sense OP's husband is of the state of mind to actually be planning something like this, I just wanted to clear it up for the sake of those reading the thread.

mummymeister · 16/04/2018 07:38

LimonViola - isn't that the sort of thing that you would do in conjunction with a GP - take one addictive drug to help you to wean off of another? you are right of course and honestly this thread shouldn't be about the H anymore. he is going to do, what he is going to do and as he has an addictive personality, I guess he will just move from one drug to another as many others have done in the past. I hope this thread stays up because not only is there good advice about support but also professionals/experienced people have come on with these bits of information.

I wont make any comment about the OP because clearly what she really wanted from this thread was the "there, there, there it will all be alright hun" and not the sort of in your face reality or real facts that others have posted.

I have even less sympathy for her inertia over this matter than I had yesterday. Poor, poor children.

TweenageAngst · 16/04/2018 07:45

I feel really sorry for you OP. It is very easy for people to view and judge a situation they are not in. I think the fact that you have posted on here is the first step and you need practical advice and support not vociferous condemnation.
This thread had probably brought reality home really hard and I can totally understand how the brain just gets overwhelmed and it is human nature to try to block it out an make it seem less serious than it is.
Your husband cant treat his own addiction, to be successful he needs to address the underlying issues that led him to opiates as a way of winding down from work in the first place.
The frontline in healthcare is incredibly stressful and I have know several HCP's with previous substance misuse issues both medical and nursing they are usually terrified of being found out, riddled with guilt and shame and often feel powerless in the face of addiction. It is also more common than you think.
There is a fantastic organisation www.gponline.com/does-nhs-gp-health-service-work/article/1422050 which takes self referrals from doctors with problems, it is totally confidential.
My suggestion would be to gently bring this up with him preferably in hospital when he visits so he cant kick off and give him the contact details of this organisation. Offer him your support but make it clear that it is no longer negotiable that he gets help as you are concerned about his health and the well being of your children.
With regards to the suicide threats sooner or later he will fuck up and have an accidental overdose, is that something he wants his kids to see.
You are in such a tough place with your own health worries, but have courage and do this for all your sakes.

TheOriginalEmu · 16/04/2018 07:48

mummymeister you've made your feelings 100% clear. I fail to see how continuing to stick the boot in helps OP to help herself or her children.
And your continued instance this is about money, with no basis in fact or knowledge of the OPs thoughts is, at best, misguided. She is SCARED. as most people would be. It is a scary thing to disrupt your entire life. It's hard for people to do when they are 100% well, which the OP clearly is not.
Leave her alone, fgs.

LimonViola · 16/04/2018 07:55

mummymeister No, a GP wouldn't prescribe something like pregabalin for the purposes of weaning off another drug. It's not licensed for that. It's licensed for anxiety and neuropathic pain. Plus the DH isn't actually taking prescribed opiates, so to get prescribed pregabalin he'd have to tell the GP about his addiction, and the doctor would be even less likely to prescribe an addictive drug to a known addict. Their advice would be to wean himself off them with a taper at home.

The use of stuff like pregabalin, benzos etc for opiate withdrawal is generally something someone tries to obtain and carry out themselves as they don't want to mark themselves as an addict to professionals for fear of safeguarding issues, and future difficulty obtaining medication. Plenty of people do successfully carry out a home detox without any input from medics, if they can obtain the right drugs (illegally like her DH is doing). People who are always in fear of an opiate withdrawal round the corner will do absolutely anything to try and make it even a little more bearable so obtaining illicit drugs illegally is small fry to them.

But the fact remains pregabalin is habit forming and can be abused for a high alone. So I'm more inclined to think it's just another drug to add to his arsenal or possible backup for the times he can't get codeine, rather than an attempt at actually coming off codeine. Even if he managed that, staying off it is extremely difficult.

Once you've been dependent on opiates you've rewired your brain to see the euphoria from them as the best possible feeling you can ever have, an instant way of reducing all emotional pain, forgetting your problems, it's a warm safe blanket that makes you feel amazing, eases loneliness, takes away anxiety and makes you feel like you can conquer the world. You have a way of guaranteeing that each day you will feel not only happy but euphoric, instead of the pre opiate days where you have good and bad days and have to do difficult stuff like exercise and making effort with friends and eating right to maintain a good mood. Anything you used to do to feel happy that took effort can now be bypassed. People will rob, cheat, assault, to get that feeling back.

But quickly you end up where you're dependent and barely feel a high anymore, but if you don't take it you feel absolutely terrible, a feeling you can't even possibly begin to imagine unless you've experienced it, it's beyond imagination. So you take more and more to try get a ghost of that high you used to rely on, all the while increasing the amount you need daily to just feel normal.

That's probably where OP's husband is now. On an endless hamster wheel of putting so much effort in daily to source the codeine, knowing if he doesn't manage it he'll be in hell withdrawing. I'd be amazed if he hasn't started to mix it up with other opiates like heroin, tramadol, morphine. OP seems determined to stay aboard the sinking ship with him and their kids. It's sad. Nobody can save him but himself.

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