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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dh ordering medication online

669 replies

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 11:46

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

OP posts:

Queenio24 · 15/04/2018 20:49

So he replaces a codeine addiction with a pregabalin addiction?
The whole situation sounds well out of control to me, drug seeking from different pharmacies, ordering all in your name, threats of suicide and emotional blackmail. There is help out there OP, you just have to access it.

Original poster

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 20:54

I'm not going to answer some questions, I'm not being rude it's just I have to treat quite carefully. So please just respect that.

I don't believe he'd ever get me into serious trouble. I really don't.

OP posts:

DoinItForTheKids · 15/04/2018 21:00

But by you're aware of and knowingly tolerating his addiction, so he already IS getting you into trouble OP, can't you see that?

ilovesooty · 15/04/2018 21:01

He has already done enough to get you into serious trouble, unfortunately.

Ellie56 · 15/04/2018 21:02

I don't believe he'd ever get me into serious trouble. I really don't

But he orders drugs in your name and uses your card to pay for them?

Yeah right.

Meadow you really need to get a grip here before it all goes tits up and you find yourself in deep shit.

Loads of posters have told you where you can get help and advice. Equally loads of people have told you you risk losing your kids if you do nothing. Please get help before it's too late.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/04/2018 21:03

I'm not going to answer some questions, I'm not being rude it's just I have to treat quite carefully. So please just respect that.

I can appreciate this in relation to details of your wider family; but I didn't ask anything identifiable.

Without that information; we can't really help. But I'd urge you to properly consider why he's using your card if you don't think he'd expect you to take the blame - and also, how you'd prove this wasn't you if it came to it. I don't think you can rely on him to put you above his addiction right now - sadly; that's not how addicts work.

I hope something happens to make this resolve; and that it's not too stressful for you. Get well soon.

Original poster

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 21:04

So I'm screwed either which way sooty

OP posts:

HollaHolla · 15/04/2018 21:04

I take pregabalin and codeine every day. I’m fairly certain I’m dependant.
However, it’s all prescribed to me as I have a spinal injury which has left me with chronic pain.
Your husband seems to have none of the above reasons, and is looking at a recreational/compensatory dosing. This won’t end well, and he needs to see his doctor or NA ASAP.

ilovesooty · 15/04/2018 21:05

You'll be more screwed if you don't take some action I'm afraid.

Tistheseason17 · 15/04/2018 21:06

Sorry for your pain @HollaHolla

Wise words for OP as you are genuinely taking prescribed meds.

Original poster

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 21:08

I am actually sick with fear and anxiety. I'm sorry.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 15/04/2018 21:08

Look, meadow, he's an opiate addict. He'll lie. You can get hold of NA and ask if there are support groups, like Al-Anon, and go from there, but he won't stop using, or doing anything he can to get a fix. It's just how it is.

OnTheRise · 15/04/2018 21:08

Meadowposy, you're in a really difficult situation. And I know how it all seems impossible, and that you can't see a way out of this right now. But trust me: you're in serious danger of getting into serious trouble, because your DP is dropping you in it from a great height by ordering medications in your name and so on.

It's going to be hard no matter what happens. But if you seek help for yourself, from Women's Aid or any of the other services available, and try to protect yourself and your children rather than trying to facilitate your DP's addictions and dysfunctions, you will find things a lot less hard than if you carry on as you are.

I know it's hard. But you have to do something.

Roomba · 15/04/2018 21:09

My friend is a drugs counsellor. She said to be about two years ago that the next big drugs scandal would be Pregabalin - she's seen so many people with massive issues with it, it's very addictive.

If he won't seek treatment due to his job or similar, do be aware that my friend has mentioned (without giving any details away at all) that in her time she has dealt with several GPs, pharmacists, teachers and other professionals who were extremely reluctant to seek help as they thought they'd lose their jobs. They were dealt with confidentially and professionally, the same as anyone else would be.

The only time she would ever get outside agencies involved (social services etc.) would be if children in the house were at risk, and she says it is rare that she has to do that herself as SS are usually involved anyway by that point due to other issues. By at risk I am talking unstable drug/alcohol use, no other sober adult in the house to ensure children cared for properly, medication not being stored correctly (she does home visits to check this for methadone/subutex clients), neglect - that sort of thing. And she always tells clients if she is going to contact SS, it is not a big surprise. She has on occasion had to contact DVLA but again not often. They are really big on confidentiality and duty of care as they know people wouldn't seek help otherwise.

LoniceraJaponica · 15/04/2018 21:09

"I don't believe he'd ever get me into serious trouble. I really don't."

You are being incredibly naïve here. He already has. If you don't take proactive actin now, when it all goes tits up you will be implicated.

strongerthan · 15/04/2018 21:11

This is awful. I could not risk losing my DS over anybody.

Be strong for your children.

Addicts are very unwell, my brother is an addict now in recovery after 18 years of active addiction, he's been in clouds, detox 5 AND The Priory.

He lost his daughter and still hasn't seen her even thou he is now clean.

I urge you to take action. This will not end well

Original poster

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 21:12

I know expat. He knows it too I think. And he's scared of himself. I'm scared too.

I am going to contact some of the numbers.

OP posts:

Roomba · 15/04/2018 21:14

If he seeks help from your local drug/alcohol team, they could prescribe him stuff to get him off the codeine which would be so much more effective (and pleasant) than his home tinkering and medicating! And they would see as a relatively minor issue (maybe minor isn't the right word but hope you see what I mean) that they could treat fairly easily in comparison to most of their clients who have much bigger issues. It wouldn't be a case of 'Oh my god call the police, he's a [insert profession] and taking prescription meds!'. They see this a LOT, especially in recent years. There's no shame in asking for help.

LisbethSalander08 · 15/04/2018 21:15

I don't believe he'd ever get me into serious trouble. I really don't

He is buying drugs in your name, using your card. You are already in serious trouble. If he even remotely loved you, he wouldn't ever do such an appalling thing.

He'd push you under a bus if it meant a fix. Yet you are letting him risk your liberty and your children. Jesus wept.

Original poster

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 21:17

No he wouldn't lisbet, really, he wouldn't. He has a lot of faults but he does love me.

OP posts:

OpheliaStorm · 15/04/2018 21:18

Have a heart for OP please.

It is an awful situation. It is not that easy to just up and report and then leave and get a new life. Is it? There are many things in the mix such as care/fear for the addict and so on. Very many people are enablers and do not understand why they do it.

OP. Get yourself better. When you are feeling stronger re assess your situation. If you feel you need to leave or report this, do it, but I don't think you are strong enough yet to do that. Terrified of consequences I'd say.

Others will say LTB and so on but it isn't that easy.

However, if you haven't taken onboard many of the very informative and compassionate posts here, I wonder really why you posted at all.

But early days yet for you I am thinking. I am sure your head is all over the place.

When you feel better, re read all the posts here and then decide what you want to do. Two choices really.... enable forever, or report and leave.

Quartz2208 · 15/04/2018 21:21

yes he loves you but he is an addict and one of the things about being an addict is that it is the thing you love the most. its a physical need so strong it can and will overrule anything else

You say he is signed off and shakes so much he can hold a cup and is now starting a new drug to try and deal with it. You should not be worried about whether he will kill himself if you leave becaus physically he sounds in bad shape now

Roomba · 15/04/2018 21:28

he would be putting himself seriously at risk of kidney damage amongst other problems.

This, absolutely, if he is taking loads and loads of nurofen plus every day. Even if he extracts the codeine, how does he know how much remains? The ibuprofen in it will kill him via kidney failure, if not heart problems, at those doses. There was a case a couple of years back where a woman was taking a packet of nurofen plus every day for two years, went into kidney failure and died. So if this is what he is doing, it is a huge risk. Codeine is very addictive but one of the easier opiates to come off - pregabalin will be much harder to stop taking so it is ridiculous to use that as an excuse. That's like switching to Heroin to detox from cocodamol!

expatinscotland · 15/04/2018 21:34

'I know expat. He knows it too I think. And he's scared of himself. I'm scared too.

I am going to contact some of the numbers.'

Please do. When I was much younger I was in a relationship with a recovering heroin addict. He is also now a surgeon. He came to addiction from being undiagnosed with bipolar disorder. Thankfully, when he was relatively young, he was found out and got treatment for both his conditions. But he had to realise he was an addict.

You can't force someone to do that.

What you can do is help yourself.

Original poster

meadowposy · 15/04/2018 21:36

Thank you expat.

Really thank you. I feel calmer reading that. Thank you.

OP posts:

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