Dh ordering medication online

[meadowposy]

I've found out about it because he's doing it through my name.

I don't know what to think about it and I'm asking here... Are these sites always dodgy? I can't talk to him about it as he tells me to be quiet and I don't know what I am talking about.

It's not helpful and it's causing me a lot of distress

It should be causing you distress.

I am concerned you are minimising what he is doing, OP. You quite clearly know it is wrong as you are aware it would cause safeguarding concerns.

I feel sorry for the vulnerable children.

When your DH injures someone at work because he is high, it WILL be your fault as YOU have enabled him.

Lots of great suggestions on here which you are not acknowledging.

There will be a locally commissioned service who support families of addicts.

Yes - they will report the risk. BECAUSE IT IS A RISK.

And you know it and are more concerned about your DH than the risk to the children and his patients.

What he is doing is illegal and you are enabling.

Step up and do the right thing before someone around you does it for you and then YOU LOSE THE CHILDREN. Your nanny is not stupid and neither are others around you. It is just a matter of time.

Also, you are in hospital, so he is around the children without you when he is high. Great....

I am sympathetic with your predicament to a point, OP, so go and get help before it is done unto you.

Why would you hug someone who agreed to lie about an imaginary illness to get drugs for her husband?

Why would you? Why wouldn't you, just out of common humanity, maybe? Some posters seem to think it's so easy to extricate yourself from a shitty, complex situation just because 'it's the right thing to do'. Have some empathy. The op is struggling to see a way forward. Haranguing her isn't helpful. She's unwell and in hospital, fgs.

and hoping you find a way through, op. You will, in time, I'm sure. Concentrate on getting yourself well, first. You can't do anything until you feel strong enough.

Are you aware that, as other people have pointed out, you could be at risk of having your children taken away? If he can't hold a hot drink, someone at his work is going to spot this very soon and the whole lot is going to come crashing down. You need to talk to people, because they will help you to have somewhere to go

Do you have no family or friends at all? Parents, siblings? Has your partner manipulated and isolated you from them?

"I'm still not sure what to do"

You have been given some great advice over and over and over again. What is stopping you from following it?

meadow let's just put aside confronting your husband.
You need to realise what an awful situation he has put you and the kids in. Also the nanny who is having to put up with god knows what shit from him , having lost you, his helper, temporarily. .

What you are experiencing is abuse, emotional and financial abuse. Please ring Women's Aid,as soon as you feel up to it, they will listen and you can ask advice in confidence.

I totally get you are scared, but just take little steps towards getting help , please for you and the children.

I would suggest you Google the penalties OP for posession (your DH) and you (for supplying). You both could face a prison term - yours would be double that of his. Codeine is a class B drug. And he's ordering it and God knows what else in your name with your card.

That's how serious this is.

Let alone thinking who will bring up your children.

You aren't seeing the big picture here at all. Take off your rose coloured glasses and see your life for what it is. You are a supplier to a junkie, albeit unwittingly or unwillingly.

How is he holding down a job if he can't hold a hot drink? This will only get worse - isn't there a drug line or something where you can speak to someone anonymously? You definitely need to do something before he accidentally kills himself and you kick yourself for eternity that you were too afraid to take the reins

Signed off at the moment

Phone Women's Aid to sort out somewhere to go if or when you leave.

Phone Narcotics Anonymous for confidential advice about what you can do about your husband's addiction.

Yes ring Women's Aid and tell them everything. They will help you see a way forward. You can't carry on like this.

0808 2000 247 www.womensaid.org.uk/

Meadow, they are professionals who are there to help you and who you can confide to confidentially. Poor you, you do sound petrified. It's horrible to imagine you alone in a bed in hospital, missing your children badly, reading all this and probably growing more and more anxious looking at healthcare workers around you and wondering what you should do.

Remember that you don't need to do something right at this minute. Another day or even week is not going to change everything, so give yourself some time to gather your thoughts and come up with a plan. Remember though that you are NOT alone, don't be afraid to seek help, it's ok to do so, everyone, even the strongest people in the world need a support to lean on at times.

Your poor children.

So what if he kills himself, he is slowly doing that anyway.

Have you any family at all? Can you contact your DHs family for help? and your family for help with you and children? Do you not worry that the Nanny may report him (and may have done so already?)

Posy,
It may be that colleagues have noticed his erratic behaviour or do so soon. If so, they will have to raise a fitness to practice concern with employers ( eg if a hospital or school) or professional body. It will reflect badly on them if they don't and they can find themselves in trouble with their professional body. The best solution is that he reports himself and gets help. That way, he can probably save his career.
Whether you like it or not he is an addict with serious problems. Going around lots of pharmacies buying co-codamol , nurofen plus, extracting the codeine, using your name for on line consultations/purchases, getting you to pretend to have symptoms to get scripts, is not an indication that he is in control. Far from it.
Getting medication on line may or maynot be illegal- it depends on the prescise circumstances and what it is. However using your name to get medication is potentialy fraudulent, especially if he is having an on line consultation as you. If the on line provider lets your GP know then your medical record will show incorrect information which will affect your treatment- you need to let the hospital know what is going on for your safety I think.
You are in a terrible position but you need to confide in someone in real life and get some advice and help for you and the children. While you are in hospital what you tell the social worker or staff is confidential but you need to get help.

Safeguarding trumps confidentiality.

Still share for the right reasons. It will be ok.

Have you any idea when you might be discharged from hospital Meadow. I do appreciate that while you are ill and in hospital you feel doubly stuck and scared. Can you see a time in the near future when you might be well enough to care for your DC? I get that your choices are somewhat limited while you are on a ward.

Is there anyone at all, friends, family, that the DC could stay with or that you too can stay with when you are discharged?

What is the worst that can happen if you and the DC leave? I ended up homeless, in massive debt (due to ex not disclosing he had taken out loans in our joint names without me knowingly) and lived with my DF after I left while I waited for a HA flat (took 2 years ). It was hard but so worth it. I never thought I’d have a life where I could make my own sensible decisions again or have peace of mind. I am on very low income and due to a genetic condition can’t work now, but I am happier than I’ve ever been since I got married. My only regret was I didn’t have the self belief and was too scared to do it until th point where the shit truly hit the fan. Thankfully DC were at uni then but they were still messed up. Ex went down btw. When the shit does hit, it can truly leave you with nothing. I would make plans to leave as soon as you possibly can and before things really turn into a massive shitstorm. I wish to goodness there was an easier thing to suggest because it feels impossibly hard I know.

What a horrible situation. It sounds like you’re scared of him meadowposy? Has he ever done anything to hurt you? It seems your concerns are that you can’t leave him and take the kids as you aren’t well enough too and that if you leave you also lose the nanny he pays for. Is that right? Would you consider divorcing him? I’m not a legal expert but you could then be entitled to money from him that you could use for childcare. You haven’t mentioned family or friends. Is there anyone in real life you can trust with this?

If he is signed off currently when will his sick note be reviewed?
At some point he will surely have to think about returning to work and he is patently not fit to do so without accessing help for his addiction.

Meadow, it sounds like you feel completely trapped and can't see any possibilities.

I don't know anything specific about your situation that could help you, but I do know that often there are options that we just can't see if we are consumed by anxiety and fear.

I would urge you to speak to Women's Aid who will be able to help you understand what the possibilities are for someone in your position.

I feel for you, this must be very hard.

The sick note is because of me really. And so a lot depends. He's adamant that with the pregabalin he can kick the codeine addiction and I do believe he wants to but he can't?

If he wanted to beat his addiction he would get help. Addicts lie. Sorry, OP.

He might be adamant but he's deluded. Addicts are, unfortunately. His substance misuse is out of control and he does need professional help. Honestly you doing nothing here is not an option. It really isn't.

meadowposy people keep asking you if you have family, and you keep avoiding answering this. Why?

Okay, meadow, let's look at this methodically.

You believe he will kill himself if you report his addiction.

Do you believe he would kill himself if he was caught, somehow?

How confident are you that, if his orders are looked into, he'd admit that it was him ordering drugs online; and not blame you? He appears to know how serious this would be for him, hence using your name and card. Would you take the fall for him? Have you already agreed that?

You need support to take the next step, enabling him isnt helping anyone least of all you or the children.

You are between a rock and a hard place, and reading between lines there are many other details which you cant add here for fear of being IDed.

He is ok he is only looking out for himself, thats the addict mind.

Reach out, social worker may be able to come and see you its better, that you push the buttons than they are pushed for you. Your priority is you and children. His is drugs and will always be,

I know that with my OH, but he knows plainly if he so much as seems to be crossing that line, its not just me he is dealing with, its his whole family and services as none of us want that for him.

Your OH if he is serious about being under control will be ok to prove it as he isnt an addict (not in his mind), so will have no problems going to detoxing and rehabilitation.