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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband angry aibu?

142 replies

poopsqueak · 15/04/2018 09:30

Need help.

Genuinely don't know if I am being aibu or he is.

dGM does regular childcare, I.e once a week and a couple of solid weeks in the holidays.

I organise where DD is for each week of hols etc. She will be with GM 2 weeks (separate)

She came home a couple of weeks ago telling me that she was going to centreparcs with GM. I texted GM and said 'DD says she is going to centreparcs?' And Gm said 'yes booked it for xxxx' (week she has her).

I text DH and said 'mums asking if it's ok to take DD to centreparcs the week she has her' and he replied 'I wanted to take her back in the future' and I said 'yes but we don't have any holidays left this year, so it would be next Easter at he earliest' and he didn't reply.

DD has now told DH that she is 'going to centreparcs' and his kicked off with me about my mum just booking things without asking us. (She didn't but then again I don't mind and DD is getting an extra free holiday so I don't actually begrudge that)

So he's now stormed upstairs and swore at me and said to leave him alone. Which I have done. DD is crying because she saw his reaction and thinks she won't be allowed to go on holiday now.

My argument is that she's staying with my mum for a week anyway, and she's getting a free holiday. I totally accept I should have made it clear she had booked it but was worried about his reaction. Hmm. Aibu?

OP posts:

BakedBeans47 · 15/04/2018 09:31

YANBU

He’s being a total man child.

BakedBeans47 · 15/04/2018 09:33

Although I really don’t get the point in not just telling him at the outset given you’ve had the brattish reaction now anyway. Is he always like this?

BrutusMcDogface · 15/04/2018 09:34

His reaction is a bit extreme and uncalled for.

However, I don't think I'd be overly impressed if my inlaws booked a hol for my kids without even asking me, but luckily they would be more considerate than that.....

Moxiebelle · 15/04/2018 09:34

Your mum is doing you both a big favour by having dd for the holidays and if she wants to incorporate a holiday for her then you should have a better reason than I wanted to take her next year.

letsdolunch321 · 15/04/2018 09:34

Dounds to me like he is being a 100% twat. He should be happy to know your dm is doing something good with your dd rather than expecting her to watch telly/entertain herself for the week.

flubdub · 15/04/2018 09:35

*YANBU

He’s being a total man child.*

This

SoyDora · 15/04/2018 09:36

YANBU. Why does her going with her DGM mean she can’t go with you again in the future?
The more holidays and the more people to love and treat your children the better.

jaseyraex · 15/04/2018 09:37

You are definitely not unreasonable. DH is being ridiculous. Your mum would have her for that week anyway, surely it doesn't matter where? Your poor DD. Please reassure her that her dad is being silly and she still gets her lovely little holiday with her grandma!

FlaminYon · 15/04/2018 09:38

Yanbu

Allaboutalex · 15/04/2018 09:38

I don’t agree with his reaction but I can see why he’d be annoyed- I’d be unimpressed if my mum or MIL booked dc on a holiday without asking or running it by us first- esp if it was somewhere I wanted to take them.
However storming around and swearing is a bit OTT and defo not on in front of dc

WhiteFreesias · 15/04/2018 09:38

All three of you abu.

His reaction is over the top but you and your dm have decided this without him. I've never had help with childcare but I wouldn't like a gp to book and arrange a holiday for DC without consulting me first. Your dm telling dd before you've had a chance to agree this with your DH is out of order (and I'm not surprised he's annoyed at being manipulated).

FASH84 · 15/04/2018 09:38

My mum did this with DN, but for a long weekend she wasn't booked to have her and then just sprung it on Bro/Sil, I would've been peeved but my brother and SIL were happy to have an adult weekend for themselves. As your mum was having her that week anyway, I think it's a lovely thing to take her away. He's being unreasonable.

Original poster

poopsqueak · 15/04/2018 09:40

Admittedly I wasn't impressed with her booking the holiday without me, but it saves the hassle of picking up/dropping off for a week and she gets another holiday.

He's calmed down now. Hasn't mentioned it but offered a tea. So I think he knew he overreacted.

He doesn't get on with my mum too well, she has form for being over involved (even to the point of sometimes disregarding his wishes) so I can see why he's sensitive about it.

OP posts:

SoyDora · 15/04/2018 09:40

The fact is that she’s doing you a huge favour having your DD for a whole week. If she wants to do it somewhere enjoyable for them both, then great.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 15/04/2018 09:40

Does he think he can dictate what your mum does with your dd while she is the one looking after him and helping you both out with childcare

Does it really matter if she’s at a caravan or your mums house

I’d be having serious words with him and telling him in no uncertain teams to bloody behave like an adult and not the immature brat he is!

MaggieFS · 15/04/2018 09:44

You were worried about his reaction and you got a reaction.... why on earth didn't you just tell him the truth? You gave him the option so say no, which reasonably or unreasonably is his preferred answer but actually it wasn't an option.

FWIW I agree it should be fine for DD to go away, but you've lost your chance to calmly talk him round. Oh dear. Hopefully he'll calm down,

(Also wondering if there's any back story of you both working so much you're the 'boring' parents and GM is the 'fun' one? Tricky when you work all hours to provide and then are so restricted by holidays allowance from work, or can't afford expensive trips - is he sensitive already about this sort of thing?)

LucilleBluth · 15/04/2018 09:45

Honestly, I would be annoyed too. Your mum has overstepped the mark by not giving him any authority over his daughter. I'm not saying she's bad for wanting to take her but she should have asked imo.

Maybe he wanted to take her. This is another case of reverse the genders on MN....if a mil did this she would be crucified.

bonnyshide · 15/04/2018 09:45

His reaction was very childish. I expect it was out of guilt and jealousy because he wants to be the one enjoying a holiday with DD.

But, your DM was out of order booking a holiday and telling your DD about it before discussing it with you & DH. I would have a word with her, in case this sort of thing happens again. YOU are the parents here.

cansu · 15/04/2018 09:45

Your dd is with her anyway. You are getting free childcare for a week. You wont need to drop off and pick up everyday. Your dd will enjoy herself hugely. Your mum is spending a great deal of money on a week at centre parcs so her gd has a good time. What the fuck is the issue?? Tell him to grow the fuck up or find and pay for holiday care and explain to his dd why thus is a better option.

SoyDora · 15/04/2018 09:46

if a mil did this she would be crucified

If my MIL did this I’d be grateful that she was willing to give up a week of her life to care for her granddaughter, and that she was taking her somewhere lovely that she’d enjoy.

Allthewaves · 15/04/2018 09:49

Ok so he doesn't like her. He feels you didn't discuss it with him and now it's been booked - tbh I'd be very annoyed that I don't get a say as a parent.

Let him calm down and think it through. I'd also be having firm words with mum about booking stuff and not asking as that would really annoy me.

WillowWept · 15/04/2018 09:50

One of the things with GP childcare is that if you're trusting them to look after your DC you have to let them get in with.

I think your DH should appreciate that someone else loves your DC and wants to give them an amazing experience

numptynuts · 15/04/2018 09:50

Wish my parents did this for me when my DCs were little. I'd have been so grateful. (Not complaining at all) you're very lucky

numptynuts · 15/04/2018 09:50

Wish my parents did this for me when my DCs were little. I'd have been so grateful. (Not complaining at all) you're very lucky

numptynuts · 15/04/2018 09:51

Wish my parents did this for me when my DCs were little. I'd have been so grateful. (Not complaining at all) you're very lucky

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