Husband angry aibu?

[poopsqueak]

Need help.

Genuinely don't know if I am being aibu or he is.

dGM does regular childcare, I.e once a week and a couple of solid weeks in the holidays.

I organise where DD is for each week of hols etc. She will be with GM 2 weeks (separate)

She came home a couple of weeks ago telling me that she was going to centreparcs with GM. I texted GM and said 'DD says she is going to centreparcs?' And Gm said 'yes booked it for xxxx' (week she has her).

I text DH and said 'mums asking if it's ok to take DD to centreparcs the week she has her' and he replied 'I wanted to take her back in the future' and I said 'yes but we don't have any holidays left this year, so it would be next Easter at he earliest' and he didn't reply.

DD has now told DH that she is 'going to centreparcs' and his kicked off with me about my mum just booking things without asking us. (She didn't but then again I don't mind and DD is getting an extra free holiday so I don't actually begrudge that)

So he's now stormed upstairs and swore at me and said to leave him alone. Which I have done. DD is crying because she saw his reaction and thinks she won't be allowed to go on holiday now.

My argument is that she's staying with my mum for a week anyway, and she's getting a free holiday. I totally accept I should have made it clear she had booked it but was worried about his reaction. Hmm. Aibu?

I think it is selfish to want to stop a child having a holiday with someone you think is OK to look after them (presumably the parents have no issue as GM is doing childcare) for a week they were already having them at a place you think is suitable for them (presumably he thinks it is suitable if he wants to take her.)

He is happy for free childcare, he thinkg GM is suitable to give childcare, he thinks CentreParcs is suitable so the only issue is he wants to do it first so yes selfish, thinking of himself not the child.

wow wth is his problem? YANBU, he is being very very unreasonable though

I can see how he'd be annoyed. She should have cleared it with you BEFORE booking but it's free childcare and she will have a great time. So he's just going to have to get over it.

I can see how he'd be annoyed. She should have cleared it with you BEFORE booking but it's free childcare and she will have a great time. So he's just going to have to get over it.

Yeah I mean she knew she was going to have the child for that period of time anyway so it's not like she needed to check dates were OK. I really don't see what the problem is.

Is the week your child going away week 1 or week 5 of the summer break? I can completely understand him feeling upset (but not the form his anger took) if it is the first week. I.e one of only two weeks when he will see his daughter over the break. However if it week 5 he is away anyway so will be even less affected by it.

But its a pattern of behaviour when the grandmother oversteps the boundaries.

I cant imagine anyone being happy with their MIL doing that.

Its one of those situations where asking is the polite thing to do. All parties know that there is no way to say no but that asking recognises that its the respectful and right thing to do to not overstep boundaries.

The GM told the DD before she told the parents as well

I look after my grandson a few days a week, previously I've had him for whole weeks before he started nursery. We used to do the same ish things each week, shopping, mooching round the charity shops for toys etc. However if I planned something different, for example a visit to a local garden center in the afternoon, when normally we're at my house, I always text her to say we were going out somewhere different, just in case she came back early or she didn't want him going there. She always said he's with you, do what you want but I ALWAYS asked first. Her hubby drops him off and picks him up now mostly so I would run it past him if it came up.

Yeah I mean she knew she was going to have the child for that period of time anyway so it's not like she needed to check dates were OK

Er taking a child away for 5-7 overnights is not the same as taking a child for those days. Her father won’t see her at all for a week without being asked first!

But he was asked about it twice and didn't say no.

He won't see her that week anyway, he is away.

I am pissed off eith my mum for booking it and telling DD. I was also pissed off with my partner for overreacting and upsetting DD. We actually forgot about the whole thing about 30 minuted after it started.

He's not controlling. I don't walk on eggshells. He's lovely actually but doesn't particularly get on with my mum. So when she does something it's like it's amplified for him. He notices it more because she already irritates him.

Most of all I am pissed off with myself for not growing a backbone and telling my mum what's what and telling DH straight away.

It's interesting to see the different attitude in this thread, to the one where the grandmother looked after children for a week, and subsequently asked for the money for trips she took them on.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3226096-Mother-asking-for-money-she-spent-on-grandkids-back?trending=1

Honestly, both OP and her DP need to get a fucking grip. Your mother isn't a dogsbody, she's providing free childcare, and if this blows up in her face she might say "screw you, arrange paid for childcare". That's what I'd do.

The way I see it is, your Mum is doing you both a massive favour by helping out with childcare. Many people aren't lucky enough to have free childcare for their DC's.
If your Mum wants to go to CentreParcs when she has your daughter, then your husband can either be grateful that your Mum is kind enough to take your daughter for a free holiday where she'll no doubt have a great time... Or he can take the week off and look after his own child if it's that much of an issue.

YANBU. So he's stomping around like a 15 year old because your mum is taking your daughter away to center parcs

I think this is an example of the more you do for people, the less you're thanked. That poor granny, providing free childcare and the thanks she gets is to be shit on.

DH might get his tea in a mug if she posts here and everyone advises her to spend her time and money on herself.

So, your mum has arranged a lovely holiday for your DD (at considerable expense), during a pre-arranged week of childcare, this saving you the burden of doing rushed drop offs/pick ups and giving you some time as a couple?

And your DH is angry about that?

She's taking your DD to Center Parcs (where she's already been, by the sound of it, so not stealing a first experience ) not downtown Aleppo.

He needs to have a word with himself.

My dad is taking my pair away for half term. Admittedly he did consult me in advance, to check they were free, but if the week had been preallocated I wouldn't have been fussed about it. It would be an added bonus!

Oh, and I see he's now causing a rift.

Unless there is the biggest backstory ever here, your mum sounds, at worst, like an overexcited, indulgent grandma who wants to spoil your DD a bit, while helping you out with childcare.

People like her should be strung up

You have really mishandled this. She is your mother so she is your problem. You really should be dealing with her bad behaviour (telling a child that you are taking them on holiday before getting permission is wrong). Instead you seem to have just related to your DH my DM has done this and then waking your hands of it. If this is something you do often then it is not at all unreasonable for your DH to have finally had enough and snapped a bit.