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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 10:57

twobabies - I'm bringing up children who do things because they are motivated to grow up for themselves, not by stick/carrot...

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 10:59

I read an article last week(Times or Independent I think) which advised that parents SHOULD take children shopping as it develops social skills and family relationships.

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 11:01

Anna888 - I hope that you are going to insist that your children's teachers do NOT reward them with stickers and team points e.g. for full marks in spelling tests.

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 11:01

you must have some flipping motivated kids to want grow up so much that they potty train themselves with no need of reward/encouragement

Xenia, my dd loves shoppig and isn't bored at all, we walk around the supermarket, name vegetables, talk about how much things cost etc etc, what would you rather I did with her when I go shopping?

OP posts:
madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:04

How can it be bad to give sweets as a reward for good behavior but a good idea to plonk the same child infront of the telly with sweets so you and you DP can have sex!

Wilkie · 13/05/2007 11:06

This thread is laughable. Are you people for real Anna8888 and Xenia???

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:09

Unfortunately Wilkie, I think they are.

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 11:09

It's always a bad idea to reward behaviour with sweets IMO... that's one of the root causes of obesity, as it leads people to snacking on chocolate etc to "reward themselves" for doing anything painful or difficult in later life, rather than rewarding themselves with virtual pat on the back and feeling of pride in overcoming just one more of life's big and little struggles.

No, I don't mind bribing my daughter with a DVD (she doesn't watch TV) and a few grammes of Smarties in the early morning once in a while. I think she's entitled to have a nice time when I do . I bought her a new puzzle yesterday as a treat because we were going out and leaving her with a babysitter. Same deal.

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:10

Xenia wouldn't know if the kids were rewarded for peeing on the potty anyway. Ask the nanny.

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 11:10

Why is a DVD better than TV?

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 11:10

oohhh so you just reward her when you feel guilty as opposed to when she deserves to be rewarded, ahh I get you now

OP posts:
madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:13

Oooohh that made me shudder Anna. The thought that my children should be able to "have a nice time when I do". Ewww.

That is about as lower class as it gets. Bribing the kids to stay out of the bedroom so you can have a bit. Bleurgh.

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 11:14

No, no feelings of guilt were involved at all. If I am going to have a specially nice time, she deserves to have a nice time too, and then she also learns that not all pleasures in life involve Mummy and Papa, but that she can also have a nice time on her own and with other people.

A DVD is much better than TV because I control what she watches.

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:15

TV is common. Don't you know anything!

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:16

Is it hard for you to say the word SEX Anna?

Why all the euphemisms?

Or is sex for the lower classes too?

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 11:17

Why can't you control the TV? We have a remote control in our house.

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 11:18

No sex involved, what are you talking about?

Jess234 · 13/05/2007 11:18

What if she walks in? Do you chain her to the telly?

Jess234 · 13/05/2007 11:19

lol @ cornsilk

whomovedmychocolate · 13/05/2007 11:26

As a well brought up person, I know that it is frightfully bad manners to make someone, whatever their age, embarassed by drawing attention to their apparent breach of etiquette. So yes, the shop assistant was wrong to do so and should be ashamed that she doesn't know better!

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 11:38

I think Anna said on another thread they sleep with her so presumably the only chance to get sex is during the day. We've slightly got off the point.

I retract my point 5 - you are all right that taking small children into shops, buying etc is good for toddlers but not pointless consumerism and shopping every day whilst the parent is wasing money. Also take them into churches when they're little too - they like that, it's peaceful and different and free. Library is good. Park.

I have done a few hours of being a parent over the last 22 years.

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 13/05/2007 11:39

i think youll find the workign class RUT

bumperlicious · 13/05/2007 11:43

Surely it is sometimes a good thing to take a child shopping to teach them that they can't always have things that they want.

For the record though I am in the camp of not taking children shopping mainly because it's difficult enough taking DH shopping and telling him no to treats, and him getting tired and cranky - I can't imagine what it is like to take a young child who doesn't know any better

But I'm pg with my first so I fully expect "I told you so's when I am dragging my pram around town because I just have to get my hands on the new Kate Moss@topshop collection!

madoldcatlady · 13/05/2007 11:45

Gosh aren't you old Xenia.

Us working class folk could never achieve all those years of parenting. The pies clog up our arteries. We're luck to see our kids through primary shoool without keeling over from a stroke.

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 11:50

Actually I'm an anachronism. I think I had my children about 20 years younger than many of my contemporaries. My brother has toddlers whilst I've got three children at university. Probably I bred at the age many working class people breed. Class is just a bit of English fun. Not to be taken seriously. But health issues are serious and it's appalling that your class and wealth determines how long you live etc. to some extent as well as your genes.