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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 13/05/2007 00:15

Right.

I will rewrite the OP.

"Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little book (DD looooves books). We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets presents at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?"

Better?

Now just discuss the OP!

mozhe · 13/05/2007 00:19

...but that wasn't the original post, there was definitely an issue with chocolate in there, definitely..

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 07:21

I have another problem also with the whole thread too. Why woudl anyone reward a child for being "good" with poitty training? It's not something you are good or otherwise with as it's an issue of bladder control and maturity rather than behaviour over which you have much much control. Just like a baby isn't good or bad if it cries.

For example would people say no sweets for you for a week you wet your bed? Wow, parallel universes here.

aviatrix · 13/05/2007 07:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 08:02

lmao that this is going again at 7.30 in the morning

no issues with chocolate here i'm afraid, thats why I don't think one small bar of doesn't scare the hell out of me and make me think my daughter will be 12 and overweight, slight overeaction don't you think

OP posts:
Wilkie · 13/05/2007 08:09

2babies - you sound like my kind of woman. FGS, enjoy giving your dd chocolate as a treat (never did me any harm as a kid although I am a big choccie lover now - gasp!!!), write to the store manager about the rude cow, boycott the shop and leave this thread forever. They will shout you down to the bitter end, even though your OP was entirely reasonable and nothing to do with whether you should have given your DD chocolate.

The joys of Mumsnet - anyone know of any good parenting sites where all the relatively normal folk reside and don't preach to one another (sorry to all of the many normal folk on here - maybe we should start our own site and leave the preachers to it??)?!?!?!??????

obimomkanobi · 13/05/2007 08:12

Oh Xenia, back on your pavlovian high horse again I see.

In this scenario the OP wasn't rewarding, rather reinforcing a sense of achievement.

Your wilful misinterpretations of events are rather tiresome.

hatrick · 13/05/2007 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ProfYaffle · 13/05/2007 08:29

at Xenia. Surprised she hasn't pointed out to 2babies that the whole sorry affair would never have happened if she'd been at work (yes, even on a Saturday)

LittleMouseWithCLogsOn · 13/05/2007 08:56

YABU

foxybrown · 13/05/2007 09:35

This still going?

suejonez · 13/05/2007 09:46

could we have a subject category that is "please don't harrass me with your ideas of parenting just answer the bloody OP"? Have a feeling I'm going to be in the twobabies parenting camp so this may come in useful to me.

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 09:56

Do 'middle class' mothers really spend time on mums net? Don't they spend all their time playing with and talking to their children?

suejonez · 13/05/2007 09:57

bugger, have been "outed" as faux-middle class

foxybrown · 13/05/2007 09:58

No Cornsilk, that's what the Au Pairs do!

Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 10:07

I have to agree with the posters who don't go along with rewarding potty training with chocolate. I really don't think it's a good idea to use sweets/junk food as rewards for what should be a reward in itself - growing up and learning to take look after and take control of one's own life.

But I must admit I do have a hidden stash of tiny boxes of mini-Smarties to bribe my daughter with on occasions... only yesterday morning I got her in front of a DVD with a box of Smarties at 8am so that my partner and I could spend a bit of time in the bedroom in peace...

kimi · 13/05/2007 10:07

I am a BAD mother please come and slap me now you see......
DH1 and I wanted both our children very badly (health reasons on my part meant we might have not been able to have them).
We have only ever left them with family members to babysit them, we spend a massive amount of time with them, (even though we have now separated and I have a new DP either DH1 comes here or we go there everyday) We help them with their homework, take them to and from Beavers/Scouts/friends houses/clubs/hobbies etc
We spend a lot of money on them, we give them good food to eat, we teach them respect and right from wrong, we don't hit them, put them down or neglect them in any way shape or form.
They have had all their jabs and they are both doing very well at school, I am unsure what class we are in as I am a sahm and HD1 is a builder (new DP is a company director)
BUT WE LET OUR CHILDREN HAVE CHOCOLATE/SWEETS/CAKE OR ANY OTHER TREAT THEY WANT ON A FRIDAY so please come shoot me down now if you will, a I am a bad bad mother.

kimi · 13/05/2007 10:09

Oh and NEITHER f my children are overweight

cornsilk · 13/05/2007 10:15

I wonder if Waitrose has a confectionery section?

Flamesparrow · 13/05/2007 10:15

pmsl @ issues with only giving books as a treat I knew someone would do that one

doyouwantfrieswiththat · 13/05/2007 10:15

kimi - don't you love them enough to overfeed them. are you starving your poor mites - give them more chocolate now.

kimi · 13/05/2007 10:27

I will shut them in the cupboard under the stairs at once will some haribo, mars bars and a 6 pack of fruit shoots. Iif they won't eat them wll swear at them and beat them with a wooden spoon till they do.
Thank you for pointing out the great dis service I have done them......

Judy1234 · 13/05/2007 10:49

There are worse things you can do obviously.....

But (1) don't give sweets at all if they are under 2
(2) Certainly don't give unhealthy food as a treat
(3) Don't reward potty training bed wetting performance because often chidlren wet etc not as misbehaviour but because they can't help it.
(4) Try not to take chidlren shopping as it's boring for them and you and gets them into too consumerist a mind set.
(5) Encourage shop assistants and others to make children say please and thank you because we want more not less of other adults curbing our children's worst instincts

Original poster
twobabies · 13/05/2007 10:55

Anna8888 sorry if my typings bad im still trying to stop wetting myself from laughing so much

"growing up and learning to take look after and take control of one's own life" she just learned to poo in a potty, exactly what kind of 2yr olds are you raising????

and then you go on to say you used Smarties so you could stay in bed longer?? when I used chocolate because my daughter was fab and used a potty all week at a very young age.....

seriously, sod off

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 13/05/2007 10:56

Xenia - I generally agree with your post below, but not on the not taking children shopping with you.

My stepsons were/are never taken shopping, and as a result they have not developed any of the myriad skills that shopping develops - how to behave in shops, how to make choices, how much basic food and household necessities cost, how to compose a recipe/menu, how to ask for things in shops, how to pay, count change, how marketing hoodwinks the unaware... I could go on. My sister's children, who are slightly younger than my stepsons, have always been taken shopping, and are brilliant at it and at all the social/educational skills it develops.

And my stepsons are wildly more "consumerist" than my nephews.

I always take my daughter shopping, she adores it and is very good at pushing the basket, choosing things, she knows where everything is, how to take the lift, how to pack bags. It's a really useful, educational and free activity.