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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder where the hell he is?

452 replies

TheHeightSupremacist · 14/04/2018 20:59

Been seeing someone for a couple of months, at least twice a week but it’s been nearly every day over the past couple of weeks. He has been really into me, cooked for me, taken me away numerous times and said the l word very early on.

We had plans to go to his friends birthday tonight, spoke to him earlier and everything was fine. Text later to let him know what time I would be over, not read and no reply, we are now 2 and a half hours after we were supposed to meet and I haven’t heard from him since 3.30pm. No messages read, no answer to my calls. Getting a bit concerned, where could he be?!

OP posts:
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5
Certcert · 16/04/2018 03:50

How come on threads like this when the partner goes missing and the OP is 'worried sick' they forget to update until oh about 24 hours later as they 'forgot' hmm

This. And then get all huffy when people, quite naturally,come to their own conclusions. Had she updated earlier, a lot of the comments that she is upset about, wouldn't have been written Confused

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 16/04/2018 04:00

croprotation exactly. If my husband fell asleep when he was meant to be going out, I’d be pissed (and baffled).

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 16/04/2018 04:11

I was about to ask if you were both in the Left/Right Game OP! 😂

Adayindisney67 · 16/04/2018 08:38

Shw probably didn't reply because she was too busy lapping up tp apologies.. I know I would be 😁
So glad it was a happy ending OP

MsGameandWatching · 16/04/2018 09:10

There is a tendency for people to suggest he's cheating with very little evidence

And there is almost always an update confirming that there is cheating going on. As for this particular situation, I don't believe I for a second.

LimonViola · 16/04/2018 09:13

I could see this possibly happening to me back when I was on certain medications that absolutely wiped me out, I mean to the extent I was unsafe to drive and would nod off sat up at work and nap on the bathroom floor at my job for a few minutes.

It's possible he's on something for a health issue he hasn't disclosed yet and has issues with sleep as a result.

I see no reason at all to think he's cheated, certainly at this early stage OP can keep her ears pricked as she should be anyway in such a new relationship. But I'd rather give someone the benefit of the doubt then live my life deeply suspicious of everyone and assuming the worst without any proof.

willynillypie · 16/04/2018 09:37

I once had to sleep in a hotel as I'd forgotten my keys and came home from drinks with a friend at 1am - despite 20 minutes of solid hammering on the door and ringing the house phone and his mobile, he slept straight through. It happens.

People were only trying to help you using their own experiences, which sadly often involves cheating or ghosting!

Sunflowersforever · 16/04/2018 13:43

Glad it turned out ok for the OP. Think it's more the overreaction to someone not being around for a few hours after only knowing them for a couple of months that makes me uncomfortable. Doesn't sound like any cheating or ghosting has gone on, just poor sod crashing out.

Take it slowly OP.

Nikephorus · 16/04/2018 16:16

I remember a time when I was a child & was away at a hotel with my sister and parents. We managed to both completely sleep through them hammering on the door and only woke up when they got the hotel to open the door for them because they couldn't work out if were dead or had absconded. So I can believe that someone could sleep through someone at their front door.

Nikephorus · 16/04/2018 16:17

But do LTB anyway because he's bound to cheat on you / leave the toilet seat up / ask you once to do something that really he could do himself / not buy you a huge Easter egg AND present..... Grin

GoldenKelpie · 16/04/2018 16:42

Staying at a hotel and guest next door got in to her room, switch telly on really loud (after midnight) and fell asleep. Reception knocked on door for ages, rang phone but couldn't wake her. Did enter eventually to check she was OK, she was. Just a heavy sleeper. It happens. Glad it's all sorted, OP.

Beeziekn33ze · 16/04/2018 17:10

Height - I wouldn't have suggested he might have a partner if you'd said you known him slightly for 20 years!! Your OP implied you'd only known him 2 months!
My bad, big apology and have a drink on me 🥂🍾 😉

Beeziekn33ze · 16/04/2018 17:33

I was dropped off after a party in the early hours and told the person who'd given me a lift not to bother to wait until I was let in. It was outside friends' semi in Greenford, they had a small child. Over the next 45 minutes my delicate tapping the door knocker escalated to thundering on it and throwing occasional pebbles at their bedroom window. I was more or less resigned to spending the rest of the summer night under their hedge when I was heard and let in.
It can happen ... The partner and her toddler slept on!

Beeziekn33ze · 16/04/2018 17:34

Oops - their toddler

Slarti · 16/04/2018 18:15

The trouble with posting a missing partner thread on AIBU is half the PPs are hoping he's a cheat and the rest are hoping he's dead.

toomuchtooold · 16/04/2018 19:11

I don't get why people think that this is how someone behaves when they are cheating. I mean, if you wanted to cheat and get away with it, you wouldn't pick the night that your GF was meeting you to go to your best mate's birthday, would you? It's not like you're not going to be missed. The OP and her bf don't even live together - he wouldn't be short of better opportunities than that.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 16/04/2018 19:24

When my dc were small and I was very sleep deprived, dh went for a rare night out with friends. Despite him telling me he had no keys and to leave the door unlocked, I locked it out of force of habit.

He came home, rang the doorbell, rang the house phone, hammered on the door but I slept through oblivious. He eventually gave up and slept in the garage. In winter Blush

The village rumour mill went into overdrive, and over the next few weeks I was asked several times if it was true that I'd made dh sleep in the garage because he came home drunk!

hmmwhatatodo · 16/04/2018 19:30

Fine he fell asleep. But what’s with all the holidays?!

Juells · 17/04/2018 19:40

@advocatingmum - sorry, just noticed your question now. It's a bit of a joke on Facebook, that drama queens post mysterious messages like "Terrible day" and all their friends rush to ask "U ok hun?"

JustOneMan · 18/04/2018 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Backtoblack1 · 18/04/2018 22:32

Where is OP? What’s the upshot?

DiplomaticDecorum · 18/04/2018 22:41

I'm assuming she's getting on with her life. He'd been asleep, no dramas, you can highlight the OP's subsequent posts to make them more visible.

Backtoblack1 · 19/04/2018 20:00

How do you do that?

stayanotherday · 19/04/2018 22:19

I still want to know what happened to the parrot [smiley face]

TheJoyOfSox · 21/04/2018 17:26

@FairiesVsPixies, I’ve just caught up with this and can assure you I was not the Op. I’m just Joy and haven’t ever used any other name.
Glad it wasn’t alien abductions though.