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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To wonder where the hell he is?

452 replies

TheHeightSupremacist · 14/04/2018 20:59

Been seeing someone for a couple of months, at least twice a week but it’s been nearly every day over the past couple of weeks. He has been really into me, cooked for me, taken me away numerous times and said the l word very early on.

We had plans to go to his friends birthday tonight, spoke to him earlier and everything was fine. Text later to let him know what time I would be over, not read and no reply, we are now 2 and a half hours after we were supposed to meet and I haven’t heard from him since 3.30pm. No messages read, no answer to my calls. Getting a bit concerned, where could he be?!

OP posts:
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justawhisper · 15/04/2018 21:14

wow this thread has gone messed up.
glad all is no OK OP!

outabout · 15/04/2018 21:16

The glitching will be the re establishment of the Feminist threads taking revenge.
TheHeightSupremacist is actually the space alien.
Tomorrow will be Saturday again.
OK just kidding of course. Glad the mystery is over happily.

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/04/2018 21:23

Great. Glad there was a simple explanation.

IronicWittyUsername · 15/04/2018 21:33

thats good op

TheHeightSupremacist · 15/04/2018 21:34

@SickofThomasTheTank it would be very clever if he’d done that considering I’d been sitting outside his house for the last 45 minutes solidly trying to figure out what to do and there’s only one door in and out of his house that I was parked in front of. Hmm

I’m pretty sure that if he was dropping hints he wouldn’t have spend all night/day apologising without being prompted and have just booked a holiday for us in the summer holidays.

I’m not suggesting for a moment that many men aren’t cheating, lying cunts..... believe me I’ve had more than my fair share of those! What I am suggesting is that the man in question has not done anything to warrant the LTB comments that this thread (and pretty much any relationship thread I’ve read) seem to attract Hmm

OP posts:
TheHeightSupremacist · 15/04/2018 21:35

@SickofThomasTheTank it would be very clever if he’d done that considering I’d been sitting outside his house for the last 45 minutes solidly trying to figure out what to do and there’s only one door in and out of his house that I was parked in front of. Hmm

I’m pretty sure that if he was dropping hints he wouldn’t have spend all night/day apologising without being prompted and have just booked a holiday for us in the summer holidays that we had talked about last week.

I’m not suggesting for a moment that many men aren’t cheating, lying cunts..... believe me I’ve had more than my fair share of those! What I am suggesting is that the man in question has not done anything to warrant the LTB comments that this thread (and pretty much any relationship thread I’ve read) seem to attract Hmm

OP posts:
TheHeightSupremacist · 15/04/2018 21:36

@SickofThomasTheTank it would be very clever if he’d done that considering I’d been sitting outside his house for the last 45 minutes solidly trying to figure out what to do and there’s only one door in and out of his house that I was parked in front of. Hmm

I’m pretty sure that if he was dropping hints he wouldn’t have spend all night/day apologising without being prompted and have just booked a holiday for us in the summer holidays that we had talked about last week.

I’m not suggesting for a moment that many men aren’t cheating, lying cunts..... believe me I’ve had more than my fair share of those! What I am suggesting is that the man in question has not done anything to warrant the LTB comments that this thread (and pretty much any relationship thread I’ve read) seem to attract Hmm

OP posts:
Tistheseason17 · 15/04/2018 21:37

I'm with @SickofThomasTheTank

OP, you confirmed you'd been round his place looking for him in a post just after 9pm. I can't imagine you delicately knocked when you were so worried about his absence.

One of these below is the probable truth:

  1. You knocked on his door and he was not in. He was not asleep at home. He was out with someone else and got home late and crafted the jackanory for you

Or

  1. This is not real.

You sound genuine OP so consider option 1. I am not suggesting you LTB. Just don't believe everything. It's only been 2 mths.

RoseWhiteTips · 15/04/2018 21:57

What’s with the multiple posts?

sayhellotothelittlefella · 15/04/2018 21:58

So glad it’s good news. Must have been worrying. I can totally see how someone who is a heavy sleeper could do that. I have a DS that locked the car and then fell asleep inside it and we could not wake him up. We knocked, shouted, whistled , shook the car - set off the alarm. He did not stir. We nearly called the fire brigade but instead I decided to drive ( luckily we were in two cars) the 40 min journey home to get the spare key, when I was half way there though DH had managed to wake him up.
There’s no reason to suspect anything wrong after just one incident. Surely people deserve a bit more of a chance.

sayhellotothelittlefella · 15/04/2018 21:58

So glad it’s good news. Must have been worrying. I can totally see how someone who is a heavy sleeper could do that. I have a DS that locked the car and then fell asleep inside it and we could not wake him up. We knocked, shouted, whistled , shook the car - set off the alarm. He did not stir. We nearly called the fire brigade but instead I decided to drive ( luckily we were in two cars) the 40 min journey home to get the spare key, when I was half way there though DH had managed to wake him up.
There’s no reason to suspect anything wrong after just one incident. Surely people deserve a bit more of a chance.

Tistheseason17 · 15/04/2018 22:15

OP - you went to his Mum's house at one point. That was the time.

flowerslemonade · 15/04/2018 22:26

I've had this happen too, with my bags inside someone's house - I phoned landline and mobile and hammered on the door as hard as possible and she still didn't wake up. She was 100% in there. I don't think it's outside the realms of possibility at all.

dontbesillyhenry · 15/04/2018 22:26

How come on threads like this when the partner goes missing and the OP is 'worried sick' they forget to update until oh about 24 hours later as they 'forgot' Hmm

dontbesillyhenry · 15/04/2018 22:26

How come on threads like this when the partner goes missing and the OP is 'worried sick' they forget to update until oh about 24 hours later as they 'forgot' Hmm

AnnieAnoniMouser · 15/04/2018 22:29

I’m glad he was ok. As I said, I had that happen once, he was very nearly put under the patio for the worry he caused!

AnnieAnoniMouser · 15/04/2018 22:34

We had a problem with our front door recently and I couldn’t unlock it. 9:30 in the morning I’m calling mobiles, the landline, hammering on the door, ringing the bell...for 30 minutes!! Not one of the three of them woke up. They sleep like the dead, it’s only me who wakes up when a cloud passes overhead.

(I finally managed to get the right combination of push/pull/wriggle the key and the door opened. New lock same day!)

nipplesandtoes23 · 15/04/2018 23:36

So he just slept through your previous attempts to wake him? Ok then.

RoseWhiteTips · 15/04/2018 23:47

Absolutely possible. Of course.

hmmwhatatodo · 15/04/2018 23:49

What an underwhelming ending.

Flampingu · 16/04/2018 00:00

Could you not look through the window and see him on the Sofa?

AnyFucker · 16/04/2018 00:15

Op, if everything is so fabulous and the LTB'ers are gunning for the wrong guy....why did you post here in the first place ?

People in secure relationships whose parner hasn't given the cause for concern don't do that

ThisIsTheFirstStep · 16/04/2018 01:34

was just about to post what anyfucker said. If I couldn’t get in touch with my husband, cheating or lying or hiding from me wouldn’t be the first thing I thought of.

perper · 16/04/2018 02:52

There are some really odd responses here. There is a tendency for people to suggest he's cheating with very little evidence- that's common on most threads, and is understandable since people have their own unpleasant experiences.

However in this case, whilst it seemed possible, it certainly wouldn't have been my first conclusion- which was that he was asleep! My DP has done the same to me many times, and whilst it's utterly baffling at the time and very worrying, it's a very simple and innocent explanation, and I'm glad that turned out to be the case.

The idea that he's had some other girl climbing out of the window the next morning is ludicrous Confused

Why not just be glad that actually this time he's not a cheating bastard (as the majority of men aren't, in reality), instead of trying to convince someone in a happy relationship that actually it can't possibly be as good as she thinks? Hmm

This place is weird sometimes.

croprotationinthe13thcentury · 16/04/2018 03:15

Who knows if he is cheating. The falling asleep thing smacks of complete apathy though. Who falls asleep for hours when they are meant to be going out? For an hour or so, maybe, we all nod off sometimes. But this? Bullshit.