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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another MIL one

174 replies

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 14:18

We live in London. A couple of Christmases ago SIL said she was coming to visit so we gave her DD (DN then aged 11) a homemade token for Christmas saying we'd take her into Top Shop Oxford St and buy her an outfit. She was ecstatic as SIL is a singlr mum and didn't have a lot of cash for fashion.

The trip never happened. SIL has a history of bring all talk and so after 6 months (on DN's birthday) I sent DN some money for an outfit alongside her birthday gift because I felt bad.

Months passed. DH lost his job (contract ended out of the blue) and we are now in a completely different situation to what we were. We aren't homeless or starving because we have savings but we're not sure what the future holds. DH's family know he has no job. I even mentioned that we may have to move because London house prices are ridiculous and our mortgage is steep...

...SO WHY THE FUCK HAS MIL HAS TURNED UP THIS WEEKEND WITH DN CLUTCHING HER TOKEN AND SAYING SHE'S COME TO CASH IT IN?

DN, now 13, is wanting some summer prom dress or something and we are expected to pay. It's not her fault. MIL is a bitch.

I'm not sure what to do. They have come on the train, nowhere else to stay, DIDN'T FUCKING TELL US, and think it is an hilarious prank. They expect to stay the night.

The train fare would have cost more than a bloody dress.

I'm going out and leaving DH to it.

OP posts:

Original poster

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 21:16

Unfortunately I haven’t got a phone number for DN, she does have a phone but I’ve never needed to text her. I have just checked her Instagram and she hasn’t updated even though she’s the type to photograph every latte and even a trip to Tesco!

I don’t mind whatever they buy being her birthday present as long as it is not over what we would have spent. And it will be I expect.

MIL is stupid though. Unless she got one of those £10 deals (unlikely in the Easter hols) the amount spent on train tickets would have bought a great dress.

OP posts:

Tistheseason17 · 14/04/2018 22:20

It is shitty what MIL and SIL have done, but... i feel a bit bad for your DN. It's a shame you couldn't talk to her about this. She's stuck in the middle of a shit storm which she did not create.

NellythePink · 14/04/2018 22:46

What a shit situation you have been put in, OP. And I feel so sorry for your DN, who was clearly imagining w wonderful trip to oxford street, and has likely been through a bit of a weird, tense ordeal in the past few hours. Your SIL and MIL should definitely reimburse you for whatever your DH has to cough up. The nerve of them

Pinkprincess1978 · 14/04/2018 23:03

Speechless, this is one of the cheekiest family CF I've read in a while (probably only topped by the family who wanted a share of their sons Christmas bonus cheap wine deal).

Original poster

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 23:13

I feel sorry for DN and am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she was swept along by MIL so “forgot” or didn’t realise that she had had her
‘two Christmases ago’ gift already.

However, her laughing and joking along with MIL when they arrived has made me think twice about her. She was pointing and saying “Ha ha ha fooled you!” and stuff like that which was quite frankly rude when I was stood there trying to register what the fuck they were doing on my doorstep.

But, she is young and has nasty role models so I’m trying not to think too badly of her.

OP posts:

WeirdyMcBeardy · 14/04/2018 23:14

Make it very clear that this is her birthday present as the voucher had previously been replaced with money. Your MIL is a cheeky fucking cow.

pigeondujour · 14/04/2018 23:25

I'd be apofuckingplectic with rage with your husband to be honest. He loses his job but he 'doesn't know' what he's telling you he's about to spend on a dress for a kid when you as a couple couldn't afford for you to have a new dress? Nah. I'd be going really fucking mental.

Original poster

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 23:59

I’ve calmed down a bit (wine) and will wait and see what DH has got to say for himself tomorrow.

Our situation is we are eating into our savings, saved for this very thing as contracting is not as secure as some jobs. We have money in the bank, but it won’t be there forever so we have cut back. I’m a worrier (have been really broke before) so prefer to really cut back before we need to and could do without this stress. Yes, DH could get a new position next week, but he might not. I can’t believe that MIL is so selfish and thoughtless. The ILs never have any money, they live hand to mouth, perhaps she thought she’d better cash in while she could of perhaps she just didn’t think at all. I don’t know.

I will never forget this.

OP posts:

Motoko · 15/04/2018 00:25

How long has he been out of work? Perhaps until he geys another job in his field, he should look for some bar or shop work, or something, to tide you over until he gets another contract.

Motoko · 15/04/2018 00:25

*gets another job.

MrsCrabbyTree · 15/04/2018 02:17

Too late now to do this but I would have given DN this choice. Either a new dress up to the value of $xx.xx as an early birthday gift or find a dress from your wardrobe that you don't wear anymore that she could wear. DN choose which option.

SilverBirchTree · 15/04/2018 02:18

Can I ask what a dress at TopShop costs? Are we talking about hundreds of pounds or just a 50 pound polyester job? If its the latter I’d just pay it TBH. I’d be really annoyed about it, but I don’t think it’s worth upsetting DN over or having a marital spat.

And I agree about:

making it her birthday present
making it very clear to MIL that they are not to appear unannounced again.

RavenclawRealist · 15/04/2018 02:46

Can I ask what a dress at TopShop costs? Are we talking about hundreds of pounds or just a 50 pound polyester job?

Been a long time since I shopped at top shop but I believe dresses are anywhere from the £50 mark up to £150 the flagship one may even have a few more expensive options. I know flagship stores of other chains carry exclusive ranges. Also a £50 dress maybe not enough to get in a fight over to some but as the token was a voucher for an outfit (I think) you may have to take in to account shoes bag jewellery ect all depends on how strong DH is.

I think I would give the 13year old the benefit of the doubt. The concept of money vs getting what you want at that age is tricky and teenagers can be particularly self centred! It's likely she has no idea about money worries and just wants a new outfit! Plus if she has been sold the idea of tricking uncle and aunt and it's all so funny a great laugh ect combined with bragging rights over an all expenses paid trip to London she's probably not looking at body language ect that suggest you aren't happy!

That said I would stay away till they leave! Then have a serious chat with dh about what they have done! I would expect him to have words with MIL and SIL away from DN about how bad their behaviour has been! I would expect an apology from both adults involved (and your dh to be honest) and I would be Low to no contact until this happens! It's a shit thing to do and not behaviour you can let slide! I also agree with your first post reguardless of what happens with dhs job no more ambiguous presents they obviously can't be trusted with them!

Laserbird16 · 15/04/2018 03:12

Could you swan back in on Sunday, get DN to try on her new outfit to show it off to you and take a picture? Then text SIL saying how gorgeous DN looks in her new birthday gift so that when the inevitable 'DN got no gift' conversation happens you can do the MN classic head tilt, tinkly laugh ' what do you mean? Here is a picture of DN looking amazing in her birthday gift! Remember we gave here cash for the Christmas present. Though I was so sad I couldn't take her shopping myself as I had plans when MIL surprised us!'

BoyFromTheBigBadCity · 15/04/2018 05:00

It’s not a solution for OP to give away her own clothes! OP this sounds shit - I’m so sorry.

Ninabean17 · 15/04/2018 06:07

What an awful situation to put you in. For what its worth I hope you had a good time with your friend and hope your dh stood up for himself (and you!)

emmyrose2000 · 15/04/2018 08:50

Oooh, I like this!

I'd also be telling MIL straight to her face to never, ever, pull a stunt like this again, and that if she does, she won't be let in the house. Then DH and I would be having a "come to Jesus" meeting about his refusal to stand up to MIL, especially when funds are so tight.

pinkyredrose · 15/04/2018 08:56

OP did you find out how much he spent?

PurpleStarInCashmereSky · 15/04/2018 09:49

I would be FUMMING! Hope you are still in bed OP.

PaddingtonBearHardStare · 15/04/2018 10:37

Just read this thread like .

OP do you have a joint account? Your available credit and account balance should tell you how much he spent

KC225 · 15/04/2018 11:12

Take the dress she has chosen, and send it to her in May for her birthday for her birthday.

HolidayHelpPlease · 15/04/2018 12:14

Did they buy a dress in the end?
Please tell me MIL and DN are already well away on the train!

ThedementedPenguin · 15/04/2018 12:28

I can’t believe the cheek of your MIL.

Hope you have had a nice night with your friend.

KitKatCHA · 15/04/2018 13:19

I'm amazed that people think this is an ok way to behave! Well done for not engaging.

JammyGem · 15/04/2018 13:45

You definitely did the right thing by getting yourself out of the situation. Let's just hope your DH wasn't a pushover...

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