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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another MIL one

174 replies

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 14:18

We live in London. A couple of Christmases ago SIL said she was coming to visit so we gave her DD (DN then aged 11) a homemade token for Christmas saying we'd take her into Top Shop Oxford St and buy her an outfit. She was ecstatic as SIL is a singlr mum and didn't have a lot of cash for fashion.

The trip never happened. SIL has a history of bring all talk and so after 6 months (on DN's birthday) I sent DN some money for an outfit alongside her birthday gift because I felt bad.

Months passed. DH lost his job (contract ended out of the blue) and we are now in a completely different situation to what we were. We aren't homeless or starving because we have savings but we're not sure what the future holds. DH's family know he has no job. I even mentioned that we may have to move because London house prices are ridiculous and our mortgage is steep...

...SO WHY THE FUCK HAS MIL HAS TURNED UP THIS WEEKEND WITH DN CLUTCHING HER TOKEN AND SAYING SHE'S COME TO CASH IT IN?

Angry

DN, now 13, is wanting some summer prom dress or something and we are expected to pay. It's not her fault. MIL is a bitch.

I'm not sure what to do. They have come on the train, nowhere else to stay, DIDN'T FUCKING TELL US, and think it is an hilarious prank. They expect to stay the night.

The train fare would have cost more than a bloody dress.

I'm going out and leaving DH to it.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 14/04/2018 19:46

Can you not just buy her a dress in TopShop

This is why some people get walked all over and don't complain it hurts.

It's the principle. Turn up expecting to stay AND be taken shopping AND you pay - no doubt expecting to be fed and watered all weekend as well.

It's not OPs job to manage DH family or their cheeky fuckery.

Best out of it

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 19:49

They are all shopping. I must admit that the thought of MIL, DN and DH in Top Shop’s flagship store on a Saturday night makes me 😳. He hates clothes shopping. MIL is one of those people who will stare rudely and make loud comments at anyone who is a little out of the ordinary. It will be a shitshow.

DH is buying a dress. I asked him how much he was thinking of spending, he didn’t know 🙄. I told him whatever he spent it was unfair on me. Very loud music his end so didn’t stay on the phone but he got the message.

OP posts:
Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 19:51

Didiusfalco That is exactly what I’m doing.

OP posts:
SisterMoonshine · 14/04/2018 19:59

What was with the 'homemade voucher' though?
Why not a proper TopShop voucher? Confused

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 19:59

Oh and he said they had to go tonight because the shop doesn’t open until lunchtime tomorrow so there wouldn’t be time as MIL wants to get an early afternoon train back.

So MIL came on a Saturday KNOWING that she would be telling us to take DN out that day for a shopping trip we knew nothing about. She obviously got it all worked out and fuck anyone else.

OP posts:
GeminiWarrior · 14/04/2018 20:04

What a shitty move by MIL

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 20:05

SisterMoonshine The original idea was for me to take DN out for a girly day and get a new outfit. She had always wanted to go to Top Shop flagship store but we may have ended up elsewhere. She was coming down with her mother and DH was going to spend time with his sister while we shopped.

If I had given tokens she would (at the time) havd had to rely on someone to take her into a town from where she lives and I didn’t trust that that would happen as her mum, SIL, never gets around to doing stuff.

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 14/04/2018 20:05

I'd be inclined to text SIL, DH, MIL and DN, as SIL didn't come at Christmas that as you already sent the money on DN birthday. SO they can take the dress bought today is her Christmas present this year.

JennyWoodentop · 14/04/2018 20:06

I am sorry how things seem to have worked out. I hope they haven't spent too much. I think it is OK to be clear she just gets a card for her birthday.
You have seen what happens when you leave DH to deal with his mother - this was my concern when you said you had left the house in your first post. Now you know for next time she tries to pull a stunt like this.

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 20:07

But now for DN it’s turned into the shopping trip from hell, rushed, crowded, with her granny and uncle! Not the glamorous girly day it was meant to be.

OP posts:
Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 20:09

Clutter I have no idea what SIL’s role in all this is. I presume she knows her daughter is down here with MIL.

OP posts:
Didiusfalco · 14/04/2018 20:20

Oh how annoying op. I totally agree that it is unfair on you - this is the kind of thing that would have me fuming.

Clutterbugsmum · 14/04/2018 20:21

Doesn't matter if SIL knew what your MIL planned today or not. You are just letting them all know that this dress will be consider DN Christmas present as you and DH had already given DN her belated Christmas present.

LexieLulu · 14/04/2018 20:27

You should go home and tell your MIL what a CF she is. What a cow

LexieLulu · 14/04/2018 20:28

And text DH telling him dress is to be paid for by MIL, you're watching your savings account and every penny spent tonight needs putting back in

GreenTulips · 14/04/2018 20:32

To wonder if MIL still expected you to take DN and leave her and DH home for a lovely relaxed afternoon?

Either way it's cheeky to rock up!

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 20:36

I think MIL, whom it was NOTHING TO DO WITH ORIGINALLY wanted in on the action. She always criticises what others wear so I think she wanted a say and part of the glory. I agree she would have thought I would be going as the cash card rather than DH.

OP posts:
Hortonlovesahoo · 14/04/2018 20:39

Wow! That’s some serious cheek from your MIL! I would love to know what happened in the store and if your DH managed to hold his own

Idontdowindows · 14/04/2018 20:43

Oh wow OP, that is absolutely ridiculous. Did you ask him what he was going to go without to afford the dress?

Piffle11 · 14/04/2018 20:47

I think you should look MIL in they eye and say 'you do know that DN has already had the cash instead of this token, don't you?' and see what she says. Even if she is clueless about the extra money you sent, turning up out of the blue and expecting you to fork out is incredibly thoughtless, given that she is aware of her son and your current situation. Don't let your DH promise away money you don't have.

Clutterbugsmum · 14/04/2018 20:49

I'm sorta hoping DN is looking for a dress like this But Nanny and Uncle buy her this dress

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 20:53

He was supposed to be out tonight (few beers) so he’s given that up but he’s got MIL and DN to feed if he didn’t feed them at home so that cancels that out.

He goes to the gym on Sunday mornings but I’m not going to babysit MIL (will either stay out or go back just in time for them to leave) so he can’t go but that doesn’t cost anything extra as it’s already paid.

OP posts:
Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 20:54

clutterbugsmum 😂

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 21:02

Grin. That would be good minus the price tag!

bunbunny · 14/04/2018 21:05

Have you got a mobile number for your niece? I wiuld tect her (and same text to dh and mil) and say that she knows she has already had the money instead of the voucher previously so that whatever she buys will be her next Christmas present but that if she isn't confident about her choice then there's no pressure to buy anything now, particularly if she is not confident in the advice she is getting from mil and dh then to enjoy looking around but only to get something she really loves which might be tricky given that your budgets are much more limited these days and that as mil had not given you any warning you really don't have any spare cash and haven't had a chance to save any money for her either. But that you're sure that as mil has been planning this she must have had plans to get her something too. Or ring neice and talk to her to say the same.

And then if mil or dh complain just lose it at them as they are the ones that have caused the problems - mil by bringing dn, dh by not nipping it in the bud immediately.