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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another MIL one

174 replies

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 14:18

We live in London. A couple of Christmases ago SIL said she was coming to visit so we gave her DD (DN then aged 11) a homemade token for Christmas saying we'd take her into Top Shop Oxford St and buy her an outfit. She was ecstatic as SIL is a singlr mum and didn't have a lot of cash for fashion.

The trip never happened. SIL has a history of bring all talk and so after 6 months (on DN's birthday) I sent DN some money for an outfit alongside her birthday gift because I felt bad.

Months passed. DH lost his job (contract ended out of the blue) and we are now in a completely different situation to what we were. We aren't homeless or starving because we have savings but we're not sure what the future holds. DH's family know he has no job. I even mentioned that we may have to move because London house prices are ridiculous and our mortgage is steep...

...SO WHY THE FUCK HAS MIL HAS TURNED UP THIS WEEKEND WITH DN CLUTCHING HER TOKEN AND SAYING SHE'S COME TO CASH IT IN?

Angry

DN, now 13, is wanting some summer prom dress or something and we are expected to pay. It's not her fault. MIL is a bitch.

I'm not sure what to do. They have come on the train, nowhere else to stay, DIDN'T FUCKING TELL US, and think it is an hilarious prank. They expect to stay the night.

The train fare would have cost more than a bloody dress.

I'm going out and leaving DH to it.

OP posts:
bunbunny · 14/04/2018 15:56

Make sure that dh is very up front that it's going to be her birthday present and that it's going to be £10 or £20 or whatever it is you can afford to give her - before getting on the train to go to the shop, on the train to the shop, walking to the shop, walking through the door to the shop and while in there.

And then follow up with 'but I'm sure that as MIL has organised this surprise outing without checking that you'd already had your token as money already, I'm sure if you need more money, she will be able to help out too... and I bet she's going to buy us all a takeaway/meal out to celebrate to make it up to us as we can't afford to now' - throw it back onto her and make her pay too!

diddl · 14/04/2018 16:00

Shame that when you first gave the "voucher" MIL didn't think to either bring her GD or pay for her daughter.

Odd that your niece still has the voucher since you sent her a replacement.

Wonder what MIL has been told-she might not be completely the bad guy-other than springing it on you.

TomRavenscroft · 14/04/2018 16:01

texted the friend I'm seeing this afternoon and she said stay over with her so I will.

GOOD FOR YOU! Have a lovely peaceful evening.

YouTheCat · 14/04/2018 16:02

She doesn't need a prom dress. There's no end of year 8 prom.

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 16:26

Just did “Find Friends” for DH, he’s still in our place so no shopping trip today, or at least yet!

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 14/04/2018 16:30

What did your DH say as you left?

Does he realize how angry you are?

Hope you left him to sort beds and tea out!!

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 16:46

GreenTulips Left him to sort everything out!

He was with MIL in the kitchen so didn’t say anything except I would either be back late or staying at friends place. Didn’t give him chance to say anything. MIL looked a bit baffled I was going out, maybe because it was obviously me that was going to take DN out (IN 2016 😫) so perhaps she’s thought I’d be doing it now.

Wish I’d thought to ask which train they were thinking of getting back tomorrow.

OP posts:
sockunicorn · 14/04/2018 16:54

oh @longhairdocare im so sorry this has happened. I can see why you are so upset and would be the same. Someone just turning up is out of order. And the voucher thing is too. However MIL & DN may not know the vouchers already been claimed. DN's mum may have told her "no, its as well" to get her to cash it in. I would maybe get DH to tell his DM privately that the voucher was cashed so not to let DN go too mad in Topshop. Then gage her reaction. She may be mortified and pay for the girls stuff herself. Flowers

OnTheRise · 14/04/2018 16:54

I am amazed by all of this. Your MIL has some neck on her. I hope your DH has sorted them out and you are able to go home now.

Idontdowindows · 14/04/2018 17:00

Wow. I'm so glad you've left him to it. I hope he sorts it out properly and tells his mother what's what, this is just not on!

LexieLulu · 14/04/2018 17:10

Your MIL is sooo bloody cheeky! How dare she knowing your situation

Mydoghatesthebath · 14/04/2018 17:17

Crossing everything for you op on the work front. Hopefully your dh will sort this. Xx

Winosaurus · 14/04/2018 17:18

This is actually insane! Your MIL/SIL are masters of CFuckery, I’m genuinely in shock Shock

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 18:46

Thank you MyDog we’ll know more after Easter.

Looks like DH has gone shopping. Tracking him on his phone lol!

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 18:49

interesting hahahaaaaa Hmm

Idontdowindows · 14/04/2018 18:59

So he's spending money you don't have because he can't sort his shit out?

Nquartz · 14/04/2018 19:00

I would be furious with DH for caving in, you can't afford to spend more money on DN but he'd rather do that than say no to his mum Confused

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 19:24

I don’t know what’s happening, but he’s certainly out. I told him what had happened with the voucher and asked why his mother would do this when she KNOWS we are having to use savings. He just said he didn’t know. He knows I am mad at her, he’ll know I’ll be mad at him if he does anything stupid and his male pride gets in the way of being sensible.

Saturday night in London and I’m at a mate’s house (with wine later) rather than clubbing because we’ve cut down on going out. I’d love a new dress. I will not be happy if he has been stupid.

OP posts:
LexieLulu · 14/04/2018 19:26

If your DH buys DN a dress then I would be absolutely fuming with him!

Likewise MIL.

Call him, just so he answers phone around MIL and ask him where he is? 😂

Idontdowindows · 14/04/2018 19:27

I hope he's been sensible then. It's really bad form of your MIL and now she's causing ructions in your house too :(

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 19:27

Will call him

OP posts:
Returnofthesmileybar · 14/04/2018 19:28

Yep I too would be furious with dh for giving in. But not a cat in hells chance would I be giving anything other than a card in May, I'd be tempted to send a card with a picture of whatever dress she gets inside

Didiusfalco · 14/04/2018 19:38

Wow your mil sounds so manipulative. If I were you i would be out tonight and not returning until they had gone tomorrow - and then washing my hands of all future present buying or scaling it down to token gifts only.

junebirthdaygirl · 14/04/2018 19:41

I feel sorry for the little one. Can you not just buy her a dress in TopShop or any such place and tell her it covers her birthday as well. You are wasting more time and energy over this than its worth. I know you are short of money and l know its a bit cheeky but its not the end of the world. No birthday present will even it out. Tell dn that clearly. Dh could have a word with mil that she needs to let ye know when ahe is coming.

Idontdowindows · 14/04/2018 19:42

Can you not just buy her a dress in TopShop

Sure, sure, OP is having financial issues, but she should "just" buy a niece who has already had a present another dress. Money grows on trees, there you go.