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AIBU?

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Original poster

Another MIL one

174 replies

longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 14:18

We live in London. A couple of Christmases ago SIL said she was coming to visit so we gave her DD (DN then aged 11) a homemade token for Christmas saying we'd take her into Top Shop Oxford St and buy her an outfit. She was ecstatic as SIL is a singlr mum and didn't have a lot of cash for fashion.

The trip never happened. SIL has a history of bring all talk and so after 6 months (on DN's birthday) I sent DN some money for an outfit alongside her birthday gift because I felt bad.

Months passed. DH lost his job (contract ended out of the blue) and we are now in a completely different situation to what we were. We aren't homeless or starving because we have savings but we're not sure what the future holds. DH's family know he has no job. I even mentioned that we may have to move because London house prices are ridiculous and our mortgage is steep...

...SO WHY THE FUCK HAS MIL HAS TURNED UP THIS WEEKEND WITH DN CLUTCHING HER TOKEN AND SAYING SHE'S COME TO CASH IT IN?

Angry

DN, now 13, is wanting some summer prom dress or something and we are expected to pay. It's not her fault. MIL is a bitch.

I'm not sure what to do. They have come on the train, nowhere else to stay, DIDN'T FUCKING TELL US, and think it is an hilarious prank. They expect to stay the night.

The train fare would have cost more than a bloody dress.

I'm going out and leaving DH to it.

OP posts:
TomRavenscroft · 14/04/2018 14:54

I'm going out and leaving DH to it.

Good for you. Why not book yourself into a hotel tonight?

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 14:54

MIL does have form for emotional blackmail but we ignore it. She's never done it with child in tow though.

Sorry for typos. PISSED OFF and typing angrily!

I have no idea what DH will do. I don't think he'll want to go into town to Top Shop right now though!

Just looked at dresses online. There are some cheaper ones but what if she is expecting a whole outfit? Shoes, bag...?

Anyway, off out and leaving them to it (I was going out anyway, but now I'm not coming back until late now if at all)

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 14/04/2018 14:55

I definitely would not go out and leave them to this, unless you have absolute confidence that DH will stand up to this bullshit.

JennyWoodentop · 14/04/2018 14:57

Of coarse she's going to understand!! I have two 13 year olds and no way would I even consider 'cashing in' a two year old gift EVEN if they hadn't sent any money instead.

It depends what has been said to her by MIL & SIL about the trip - I agree she may understand a 2 year old voucher has been & gone. But if MIL & SIL have been getting her excited about this trip & promising her the outfit, is she really going to understand why when she arrives OP & her husband are saying no to her? One set of adults she presumably loves & trusts say one thing to her & another set of adults say something else - all she will understand is she didn't get what she was promised.

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 14:58

TomRavenscroft Don't want to afford it really but texted the friend I'm seeing this afternoon and she said stay over with her so I will.

OP posts:
Mydoghatesthebath · 14/04/2018 15:00

What a terrible situation op I am so sorry about your money worries. Been there done that through the last 2 recessions and dh our if work fit a year it’s hudeous isn’t it.
My advice is to be honest. If you havnt got it you can’t spend it.

Sil and mil sound hideous. Flowers

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 15:00

JennyWoodentop Yes, that's a good solution but I just KNOW SIL will complain in May that DN never got a birthday gift.

OP posts:
Shizzlestix · 14/04/2018 15:00

Prom at 13? I personally think you should have immediately told mil that you’d already ‘cashed in’ that voucher for your dn. Don’t let dh sort it in case he feels guilty and spends a fortune on something.

areyoubeingserviced · 14/04/2018 15:02

Let your dh deal with it .

diddl · 14/04/2018 15:07

Well how are they going to make you pay for anything?

Clarify that you sent cash therefore it's obviously on IL to treat her GD.

CowesTwo · 14/04/2018 15:10

And did it not occur to them that they may have made the trip only to find you were all away for the weekend?

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 15:12

Grrr. How outrageous. Maybe link the websites you found with a budget?

Thequeenisdeadboys · 14/04/2018 15:14

Sometimes..words fail me ! Cheeky bloody buggers !

IggyAce · 14/04/2018 15:19

Glad you have left DH to deal and I just hope he doesn't cave. Enjoy your evening.

Gemini69 · 14/04/2018 15:25

it's a very entitled behaviour from your MIL and SIL Hmm

BerylStreep · 14/04/2018 15:31

Well if her birthday is in May then that is the way round it. Tell her that you had already sent money when she didn't cash in her 'token' but that you are happy to buy her an early birthday present. It's only a couple of weeks away.

Who gives a toss if SIL complains when it's her birthday, just put her right and remind her you bought a dress for DN.

AuntFidgetWonkhamStrongNajork · 14/04/2018 15:31

Your DH is a fool if he cancels his plans for the weekend and actually takes them both shopping. A total mug.

chocatoo · 14/04/2018 15:34

Very very cheeky! However, if I left it to DH he would just pay out loads of money rather than stand firm and then I would be even more fuming.

I think the way to go is to put some cash (£25?) in an envelope before they set off to the shops and say something like 'we sent cash for the outfit alongside your birthday present, but here is some more to spend today'....I would have a quiet word with MIL (or text) and say that that is all that is in the coffers then I would then leave her and MIL to go shopping just the 2 of them. Do not end up paying for expensive coffees and lunch. If they suggest stopping, just say 'we're a bit skint at thee mo, lets get shopping then head back'...or pack a lunch bag.

chocatoo · 14/04/2018 15:36

Yes to making it clear it's for birthday...but I still think cash in envelope so that when it's gone, it's gone.

summacummamumma · 14/04/2018 15:36

Please make sure your husband doesn't just pay up to make life easy...CF like this need to hear the hard truth...

pinkyredrose · 14/04/2018 15:37

isn't Prom at the end of year 10? misses point

TinaTop · 14/04/2018 15:49

Don't leave your DH to sort it as he's likely to fork out a fortune to appease his mother. Make it clear to DH that you'll be extremely annoyed if he coughs up. Tell MIL and DN sorry but she's already had the cash. It isn't your fault if she cries because MIL misled her.

Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 15:50

Out now. Don’t think it’s an end of school prom, think that’s just what DN is calling it. Probably end of term disco!

Thanks mydog It’s a worrying time. DH has irons in the fire, he may even get his old contract back when the company organise the new budget (it’s happened before to other people DH knows) but right here and now we have les than half our usual income and MIL knows that.

Anyway, what the fuck has it even got to do with MIL?! She’s such an interfering cow. SIL lives near her and tells her everything.

OP posts:
Original poster
longhairdocare · 14/04/2018 15:54

cowestwo MIL had asked me what we were doing this weekend and I told her nothing much. Didn’t occur to me she would turn up. Also, she only asked a week or so ago but probably bought train tickets ages ago. The trip was definitely secretly planned which makes me wonder whether MIL sprang it on us on purpose because she knew the time had passed for the shopping trip.

OP posts:
ItsNachoCheese · 14/04/2018 15:55

Your mil sounds like a complete tool