to think "ran away with a black man" is racist

[Slarti]

Seen a discussion on a local FB page, one of those "Who remembers parents/grandparents saying X when you were little" and everyone enjoys the nostalgia. Except this one was "Who remembers asking where you mum was and being told 'She's ran away with a black man'? And before anyone says, it isn't racist!"

My first thought was, are you sure?? Why mention racism in the first place if it's so benign? Isn't it a reference to interracial relationships being taboo/shameful/illicit? Anyway, the response on FB is unanimous - "My DM/DF/DGF/DGM used to say it all the time, so of course it isn't racist." My opinion that it might be hasn't gone down too well at all. AIBU?

English isn't my first language so for me the phrase would mean that someone actually did run off with another man who was black. Though I would not know why his skin colour would need to be mentioned.

Peace not piece

It’s what people used to say. Times were different.

My dad and granny used to say this too.

My girlfriend's nana used to say it to her (then her mum did run away with a black man) so she laughs when she hears it now.

It's not something you hear anymore but I definitely heard it a lot as a child.

Of course it's racist, I knew it was even as a child when people used to say it but then my Mum didn't allow these kind of comments and would explain them to us and why we shouldn't use them, this was the seventies. Looking back my Mum took quite a stand against casual racism especially where showing an example to her children was concerned, which was unusual in our social group.

I do wish people would stop the self important Reported . Just report it if you have concerns and allow other adults to manage their own discussions.

I’m in my 40’s, whenever I asked where my Mum was I was told...

• she’s run away with a Blackman, a sailor, the milkman, the gypsies whichever came to mind first I guess. The point is they were interchangeable and just something daft you said to kids...my parents were told the same when they were children.

There was nothing negative about any of the options, they all represented a life more fun than the drudgery of the truth...supermarket, helping Nana out, next door chatting...

We all say things that are passed down through the generations as an automatic response, without any thought to the implications.

This saying was a meant to be humorous 'back in the day'. It may have been racist and certainly would be if you said it now, but that doesn't make your grandad or whoever used back in the 1970's a racist (although he may well have been). It was a different era then, things change.

The same as 'white trash' is racist too. Implying all non-whites are trash.

Racist oh dear god that word is so overused these days. I have heard this phrase in my childhood. I don't think it's racist. Isn't racism hatred or fear of another race? How is this that then? Its not derogatory in any way. Or is it the use of the word black?

There was nothing negative about any of the options, they all represented a life more fun than the drudgery of the truth

But even when othering is "positive" it's still racist. Describing someone as exotic, for example. The intention might be to say something nice about someone but in doing so it represents them as the other.

It's racist, it stems from the idea that black men are more animalistic and sexual so not safe for white women to be around.
You still get these myths around blank sexuality even today, look at the popular trope of the fierce aggressive black woman.

bobstersmum it represents black people as the "other", whether it be because she's run off for a more "exciting/exotic" life or because interracial relationships were scandalous, it's racist.

Whenever I said something 'wasn't fair' my mum would say 'neither is a black mans arse'.
For balance I would say that this is an old fashioned expression that isn't racist but I wouldn't use it myself because it inappropriate.

YANBU

I used to hear that as a kid. My Dad used to say it. He wouldn't have meant it to be racist but it obviously was. Thankfully, he wouldn't say it now. It's taken a lot of work but I think he understands these things now.

OP, I don't know what FB group you are on but they sound like a bunch of ignorant idiots. Why waste your time with them. I'd leave the group.

I lived in a country where white people were pretty rare. The locals described white people as white people because we were white. Was it racist? Very possibly. Was it also descriptive? Yes. Did the locals ask to have their photo taken with us? Yes. International travel for the 'common man' had just opened up in that country and it was exciting to meet people from other places.

I do see 'running away with a black man' as racist in the context used though I heard it in a 'positive' way that she would be having more fun! Was I racist in thinking that? Possibly! The black community in my town were afro Caribbean and known for good music and family parties at the local church hall. We had great fun.

My point is we can all be a bit racist and stereo typical sometimes and growing up in UK in the '70's was a very different time.

What does 'play the white man' mean?

I must be incredibly thick or naive then or possibly both because I think its just another thing that's been over analysed and deemed to be offensive and racist. Why are all these long ago phrases being dredged up constantly? Because nowadays we are so pc we can't say bloody anything without it being taken the wrong way, so we have to bring up things from the past. Blimey, Little Britain won't be doing another series will they! How times have changed

bettybaggins 'play the white man' means to be fair and not cheat someone. It comes from the idea that 'the natives' from the colonies were untrustworthy.

bobster there are quite literally thousands of things you can say without being taken the wrong way . What you can't do is spout casual racism.

When I was a child in the 70's and would bleat "it's not fair!" My DM would say "a darkies backside is never fair." and that would be the end of my perceived injustice. I never understood the meaning of it until she spelled it out to me as a teenager when I asked her. She would never say this now but she only repeated what her DM used to say to her in the late 1940s.

There is nothing wrong with running away with a black man is there??

But the 'black' is the punchline.

Of course, there's nothing wrong with running away with a black man.

But the very reason this saying was it existence was because there was something very wrong with running off with a black man. It wasn't about the fact you were running off...

But even when othering is "positive" it's still racist. Describing someone as exotic, for example. The intention might be to say something nice about someone but in doing so it represents them as the other

I can’t get on board with that, at all. My Dad wasn’t black, he wasn’t a sailor, nor a milkman - all of those things were equally used and simply things my Dad was not. It could have included tall, ginger or a mechanic. It was ‘other’ simply in the sense that it was not something my Dad was. To call that racist, to me, is ridiculous.

But the very reason this saying was it existence was because there was something very wrong with running off with a black man. It wasn't about the fact you were running off...

Rubbish. It was seen as a FUN thing. Whether that’s right or wrong these days, to suggest it would be FUN, that’s what it was, NOT bad.

bobstersmumtotally agree with you, you cant say anything these days without being called a racist. or sexist etc
PC gone too far i think ,where is freedom of speech?

Annie you must realise that interracial relationships were once seen as bad. Even if the person using the phrase meant it in a "fun" way it's still othering!