to think "ran away with a black man" is racist

[Slarti]

Seen a discussion on a local FB page, one of those "Who remembers parents/grandparents saying X when you were little" and everyone enjoys the nostalgia. Except this one was "Who remembers asking where you mum was and being told 'She's ran away with a black man'? And before anyone says, it isn't racist!"

My first thought was, are you sure?? Why mention racism in the first place if it's so benign? Isn't it a reference to interracial relationships being taboo/shameful/illicit? Anyway, the response on FB is unanimous - "My DM/DF/DGF/DGM used to say it all the time, so of course it isn't racist." My opinion that it might be hasn't gone down too well at all. AIBU?

But if you said someone was an 'ugly, short, bastard' you wouldn't be saying they were ugly because they were short, so why is the 'black' necessarily a portrayed as being a 'cause' of being ugly?

Because the term "short" doesnt define a race. Therefore cannot be "racist

I don't get it. At all. Is it an implication that presumably non-black husband's Penistone is not big enough for her? Or is it just somehow worse to runaway with a black man than a white one? I am looking for racist connotations here but without context I could say.

Dairy - Is it an implication that presumably non-black husband's Penistone is not big enough for her?

Haven't you read the whole thread? sorry but i'm crying with laughter here. Like its been said before, the connotation is that a black man is seen as a come down, Black been viewed as beneath white. She left a white man for a black man.

Yes it is. My older and younger siblings had white blonde hair and very pale skin. I took after my great great GF side of family olive skinned, dark haired as they were Spanish travellers.

I think I saw that fb post! And yeah I think it's racist

Penistone? Where can I find me one of them?

Did anyone used to sing the rhyme: I like coffee, I like tea, I like sitting on a blackmails knee? I think it was either part of a skipping or clapping game which we sang in the playground (this was the 1970's or early 80's). It sounds unthinkable that kids would sing this now, but we thought it was fine back then.

black man's- not blackmail

Another rhyme that was different in South London - we sang "I like x in with me' and the named person would jump in the skipping rope & we'd jump together. Where were the adults making sure children didn't use racist language? Who taught children these racist rhymes? I started school in the early 1970s, I'm middle aged not young.

Where were the adults making sure children didn't use racist language?I guess the adults around them. Probably parents.

Who taught children these racist rhymes?

Mind boggles. Hating a race is one thing making up silly songs about them is just down right pathetic. I suppose done to taunt the black children at school.

I doubt it was to "taunt black children at school". Those rhymes were said a lot when I was a child, and there were no black children at any school I knew back then.

I've never heard the phrase but of course it's racist.

Weirdly, I have heard the phrase "play the white man" and assumed it was negative towards the person being addressed, ie to "play the white man" is to act like a colonialist, throwing your weight around and behaving like a bigot. A bit like someone saying sneeringly to someone else "oh, playing the big man are you?" Clearly I've misunderstood.

i think its just sign of the times.
im not convinced its meant to be racist. my nan used to say this all the time when i asked where someone had gone
now its not appropriate. back in the day it wasnt thought about.
it just meant someone had gone awol,

Not racist .
When I was growing up if I asked where’s Mum the answer was always
“She’s away with a soldier “

or therbest one!
when asked what someone was doing....the answer was

"making a wigwam for ducks to dabble in"

i think its all the same!

I thought "gone to see a man about a dog" meant he's gone for a shit - am I totally wrong about that?

fresta yes we used to sing that song in the playground.
We regularly used the running away with the black man phrase and used the n word to describe the shade of brown our regulation school knickers were.

We watched the black and white minstral show and other similar programmes. Just seemed normal in the early 1970s in a gritty Northern town.
All send shivers down my spine now.

@Smallhorse

Not racist

Yes, it is. Why do you think it isn't?

I think its all the same!

No, it isn't. A soldier can be of any race.

Racist. The colour of the person they ran away with is irrelevant.

"But if you said someone was an 'ugly, short, bastard' you wouldn't be saying they were ugly because they were short, so why is the 'black' necessarily a portrayed as being a 'cause' of being ugly?

Because the term "short" doesnt define a race. Therefore cannot be "racist"

You didn't answer my question at all there. I didn't ask whether the word short makes something racist. I'm asking why inserting another adjective makes it causative, which is what you (or whoever) you were arguing.

The “gone to see a man about a dog” meant gone to the lavatory in our house too. (It was outside not sure if that made a difference).
I only ever heard “run off with the milkman” in my 50’s childhood.

I grew up in the 90s/00s and my parents said "Ran off with the bin man"

Never heard this phrase, won't ever use it.

I think it is racist but I don't nessecarily think people using it 30+ years ago were racist. If I heard it used today by anyone (old or not) I would just know to avoid that person in future

I think "Play the white man" means/meant 'be fair'. This is obv. as an alternative to none white skinned people who would be seen as cheats.

and yes of course the run off phrase is racist. Demonizes the whole group of black males.