So what happens when you have nothing in common with dp & dc?

[whattheactualfuckery]

Away for a break with dh and 2 x ds. I've hated it and then, what the actual fuck do I do?

I'm incredibly close to my 12 year old DS. You don't have to be the same sex to be close. What a sad thread

You're son is not even a teenager yet, they change. The OP never said she wasn't close to them when they were younger.

#Your

Rick she's an adult and lives abroad, but yes very close, we're in contact everyday

Get up to Gaudi's Parc Cuell and sit on the mosaic half ny and purvey the view. Barcelona is a place you dont want children with you in my experience, especially not rude teenage ones.

I would explore the little lanes off the Ramblas, eat tapas and drink wine and drool over art and the buildings and wear big sunglasses so I could stare at all the people. Watch your bag, you back packed, you know the rules.

Am I right in thinking you have raised your husbands kids and helped run your husbands business? What advice would your daughter give you?

Not 'half ny' but balcony*

How were her teenage years?
I do thing teenagers are fluid, they are not entirely the people they will become.
Don’t lose heart. I think this is s perfect storm. Your own feelings, teen children and your dh. It’s not just your boys.

Betty you get me, really looking forward to Barc

I think you are depressed. When you are depressed, you tend to catastrophise and feel low so unable to enjoy things even in company that you would normally enjoy. I recommend telling your gp and requesting talking therapies either CBT or counselling. Possibly both if you can afford it. You are projecting your unhappiness onto your family as the cause of it when in reality it is most likely the lack of enjoyment and feeling detached is a symptom of how you feel.

What about holidaying with another family or relatives? It might break up the dynamics a bit. I would look forward to Barcelona. It might be good to have a break & let them miss you. It could also help to focus on sharing something with them - maybe from your childhood/past so they start to see you as a person/individual rather than just their mum

Why should they feel sad if you are going on holiday alone? I would hope my kids would wave me off cheerfully if I wanted some time off!
DH hates beaches. He says they are too sandy. . I love them. My kids love beaches. DH ensures them or comes for a bit and does his own thing. He doesn’t feel resentful at all. Just sees it as ‘our’ thing.
I have never done activities with my parents beyond a little travel. They were never the activities type and I think in that generation activities were not constantly planned for kids. Again it has had no impact on my relationship with them.
I reckon there is more to this.

Do you think that you are now over the intense mothering period and you are wondering what next? And irritated that the people you spent that intense mothering period on don’t want to do stuff with you in the same way they did as kids. My MIL who was a SAHM all her life got to her 50s, kids live in a different country, have independent lives, not dependent on her, she doesn’t get to see the grandchildren as regularly, and now just feels and looks visibly empty and is fast sinking into depression.

Why aren’t you all going to the football together?

I am depressed yes,but have been on meds for over 10 years

Being 60 is no excuse. My DH is 65 and still capable and interested in hiking up mountains, dancing in clubs and at gigs, going whale-watching, etc., and our 18-year-old son still wants to join us on holidays as well as going away with his girlfriend. It sounds like he needs to address his health and fitness.

more can't afford 2 adult season tickets and dh plays 5 a side practically the same time

That's tough OP. Your husband sounds like he has become an old man too young. If you're ready to walk is it worth considering counselling with him as a last ditch attempt? You don't have to stick it out though, it doesn't seem like you are getting much out of the relationship.

I think with your sons you just need to bide your time - teenagers can be wankers, and if you are still their go to person for a bit of covert nurturing I think they will come out the other side and your relationship could be quite different.

You’ve been depressed for ten years?
Have you had counselling?

If you have been on meds for 10 years you shouldn’t still be depressed. Go and see your doctor about changing them. I know when I’m off my meds I hate my family, also! There’s your main problem, I think.

I think that the issue is your DH not doing stuff with you and not acting as a team with you.

Your boys are just learning to do the same.

(He can’t be that manacled if he’s doing 5-aside)

I adore my DSD, absolutely love her to bits. I have always been very involved in caring for her since I met DH and I manage to get on with her mum.

However, holidays with her when she was 12 13 and 14 were a pain in the bum. I really didn’t enjoy them whereas when she was younger it was ok.

Teenagers are not easy. I can quite see why you are upset. However, this too will pass. Just hang on in there and don’t make any snap decisions. Just ignore them and please yourself. The saving grace at this age is that you can be a bit more free to let them get on with it.

DSD is 18 now and we’ve had lovely holidays since she turned 15.

You’ve been parenting a long time by the sound of it, and having a little holiday to yourself sounds like a great idea. Barcelona is amazing, and you will have a much better time without bored teenagers.

I think it will do your husband good to cope without you for a bit as well.

MS I agree he feigns tiredness when it comes to the kids needs, but can play 5 a side twice a week

I have loads in common with my 2 DDs. Nothing in common with my DS or really my DP. We do manage to compromise on time together though, or go off as pairs and come back together later.

We do all have a similar sense of humour though, so I suppose that helps.

I get your struggle but I don't think LTBs is the correct response. I really think you don't enjoy time with them, but love them all really.

I think you ALL need to work on finding some common ground!

Yes I've had many years of Councelling

But no joy?

Yes some joy

I think it can be common for teen boys to not want to do anything with/go anywhere with their mom - can be seen as babyish or uncool.

A lot of teen boys don't want to do anything with their family full stop.

It is also not unusual for teenagers to take you for granted am- especially if you are the one who us always there for them , in the background making sure they are safe, cared for, few etc.

They are craving the attention of their dad because it's not so readily available.

Your trip to Barcelona is definitely the right move. And you need to seriously consider what future, if any, you have with your DP as in 5 years time your youngest DS will be an adult.

But in all of this please make sure that your DC know that your love for them is unconditional; that if you and their father separate and they choose to live with him (although from what you've said I'm not sure this is what he would want) - that they know there will always be a home for them with you.

FWIW my teenage DS wouldn't want to be seen any where with me either even though I know he totally loves me for the mom who is the safe place for him.