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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Softzilla: You play; you pay!

951 replies

Unreasonableunreasonableness · 11/04/2018 19:07

Before you all get excited: no party yet (I was trying to keep when it was vague so more anonymous but i give up) . I have had a message from softzilla.
'So are we calm enough to sort this oot for tomorrow? 'Hmm

OP posts:
Dobby1sAFreeElf · 20/04/2018 23:20

I think random has it. She's made out you are closer than you are, then you accidentally publicly showed you weren't.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 21/04/2018 08:43

It does seem odd that they all had that view. Actually of all those there it's actually party friend and friend 1 I'm closest to.
It is slightly worrying that literally no one seems to have heard from her since the party....

OP posts:
Nanasueathome · 21/04/2018 08:44

Perhaps you need to invite her out OP
...and you pay

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 21/04/2018 08:57

Sounds like she's "socially sulking" hoping that others will seek her out to invite her to things. To make her feel that she's "in the right"

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 21/04/2018 09:00

Yeah I agree with squiffanys. She’s sulking to get people concerned and then actively invited out so she is ‘invited’. I’d see this as a good thing that she’s socially ostracised herself.

Hope the hangover at playgroup wasn’t too bad! Brew

prettybird · 21/04/2018 09:40

If she's wanting "invited out", presumably she also expects the inviter to pay for her! Wink

BerylStreep · 21/04/2018 10:05

I’m quite sure she feels that you have wendied her.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 21/04/2018 10:25

I feel awful that she would think that. It was and never would be my intention to 'Wendy ' her.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 21/04/2018 10:47

I know that OP, and the circumstances are far from Wendying, but softzilla has displayed such lack of self awareness, that is how she will be spinning it, both in her head, and I suspect to others.

I would fully expect her to do a doe eyed weak smile to others, saying that she feels a bit isolated and pushed out of the group, but she can fully understand how they took your side. At this point she might try to blink back a tear and look away. She will be conspicuous by her absence in the group, until people start to feel really bad for her and make a super effort to involve her again.

She really does come across as being very manipulative.

Original poster
Unreasonableunreasonableness · 21/04/2018 12:19

Well I expect she's had quite alot of messages asking her about it now.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 21/04/2018 17:11

Op you need to make it clear that you are not friends and only see her at this group.
She is going to be making up stories like mad about herself and how upset she was re your 'fall out' to anyone who contacts her to ask why she wasnt there.
Just be ready she is not done yet. You spoiled her last plans she wont forgive and forget these people never do.

Strawberry2017 · 21/04/2018 17:29

@BerylStreep what does wendied mean? I've never come across that before? X

Strawberry2017 · 21/04/2018 17:29

@BerylStreep what does wendied mean? I've never come across that before? X

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 21/04/2018 18:10

Wendied is a totally MN phrase.
It means a new person who joins a group and gradually elbows out one of the original members. Stems from a thread about that subject and newbie was called Wendy

Strawberry2017 · 21/04/2018 21:35

@BreakfastAtSquiffanys thank you! Didn't have a clue!
Still trying to learn the Mumsnet lingo! X

FizzyWizzyFlash · 21/04/2018 21:38

Why is she still in your life?!

Don't entertain her!

youngnomore · 21/04/2018 22:46

Never heard of wendied before Grin

perfectstorm · 22/04/2018 00:13

The original Wendy thread.

sockunicorn · 22/04/2018 00:40

well the wendy thread was enlightening, thanks perfectstorm!! there are some proper bunny boilers knocking around Shock

BerylStreep · 22/04/2018 09:17

PerfectStorm, that's not the original one - IIRC the original Wendy thread was back in 2012. It all centred around the school gates, and suddenly the OP's entire friendship group froze her out in a really vicious way. She never found out what it was the 'Wendy' had said she had done. I've tried looking for it, but can't find it. It may have been in chat.

But yes, to summarise, a Wendy is a newcomer to a group, who then freezes out the person who introduced them, usually by spreading lies about them. A friendship cuckoo of sorts.

perfectstorm · 22/04/2018 18:55

Oops, sorry - I linked from someone else's linking to "the original Wendy thread" on yet another Wendy thread... didn't check for accuracy!

I didn't think it was in chat, but maybe I've just mis-remembered?

The depressing thing is how common it seems to be.

GabsAlot · 23/04/2018 21:42

just watch your back op shes prob playing the victim now

sockunicorn · 25/04/2018 10:17

any news Op?

Figmentofimagination · 25/04/2018 12:04

New thread for anyone who's interested

Softzilla returns..... to soft playhttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3231021-Softzilla-returns-to-soft-play

Figmentofimagination · 25/04/2018 12:04

New thread for anyone who's interested

Softzilla returns..... to soft playhttp://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3231021-Softzilla-returns-to-soft-play