Softzilla: You play; you pay!

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

Before you all get excited: no party yet (I was trying to keep when it was vague so more anonymous but i give up) . I have had a message from softzilla.
'So are we calm enough to sort this oot for tomorrow? '

Also, I don't think a shoe of solidarity is a thing.

It's worth trying though, Nelly. We could all ambush SZ and give her a good kicking . . .

Unacceptable that softzilla was willing to upset TPF in order to continue the drama.

Friends are supposed to nurture and support one another....softzilla really is a nasty lady.

ClownPockets

Naughty!

You can't 'win' with people like SF so best to completely ignore - and tbf the OP has reacted by sending back a couple of texts

But the text she sent was only telling SZ that she was willing to drop the matter and move on. That isn’t ‘feeding drama’, it was sent with the clear intent of putting a stop to the drama.

The only one I can see creating and feeding the drama, is SZ.

OP is being considerably more restrained and diplomatic than I would be in that situation. I would have lost my shit long before now.

c,mon, Schaden, I bet Vanka loves a shoe!

He does Imaginarycat - from stiletto to jackboot, they send a shiver of delight down his spine - but sadly with the horrendous political situation at the moment, he and Vanka are too busy to get involved (you can't imagine how much he has wanted to stick his oar in on this thread . . . but didn't want to risk him derailing it).

Fair dos, Schaden, his time will come...

OP, at any point throughout this, have you not wondered if these new friends are worth the drama? Or if they’re real friends at all?

After all, they all know her, know what she’s like, but they’re still friends with her.

Then there’s all the carrying stories back and forth. They seem to be relishing all of this ongoing-for-zero-reason drama.

It’s one thing for posters on here to be silly and get carried away. But for your friends in RL?

The constant calls, texts, meet-ups about it...if you don’t enjoy drama as you say (and you’ve no reason to lie, right?) then why are you letting yourself getting dragged into this shite?

Find new friends who don’t prolong and encourage non-issues...

From what i have been told about NCT groups they are very clickey which is why I never joined one.

They come across as the "cool" girls at school... bitchy and two faced... not my sort of person.

Clearly I am tarring however I have been told this by multiple people. You might get the odd normal person who tries to fit in but like those groups at school, unless you are willing to cause trouble and be nasty you get pushed out.

She honestly sounds nasty and nuts! I think it’s also hard if she is established within the group but I wouldn’t engage with her now. I would be civil if I saw her but that’s all.

It certainly sounds like you'll be stuck with SZ if you want to continue to be part of this group of friends, OP. If you really don't want to continue seeing her you'll need to find new friends. Your DD will choose her own friends once she starts school so it might be time for you start again.

Otherwise you could still be posting on here about her in 5 years time.

I'm another one who thinks it might be an idea to start finding some new friends away from this group. Not many groups would condone this sort of drama.

Totally agree with mad and bonny.

I've a friendship group met through kids, some in playgroups, some through school, other friends of friends all local. Been here nearly 10 years and never has there been a single incident of "drama" . Because we are all adult women who are reasonable.

I would think carefully about this whole weird group. Are they relatively new friends? They sound like they should star in one of the dire teen dramas my 12 year old watches.

I think at times the amount of drama is overestimated. You've only seen the drama because that is what I've posted about. The vast majority of what we've done have been normal undramatic dull mum stuff. They have maybe checked in on me more than normal because they know I have been upset, by this and other stuff, but that is what friends are for and I wouldn't call that being dramatic. If it carries on of course I will rethink.

I know what you mean about drama.
I think your doing the right thing by refusing to play her games...
But if she demands you answer and talk... I would just put the phone down on the table while with everyone a call her so all can hear you say it is done...

See to me, that would be something that would hugely add to the drama, and if I were one of the people who was forced to listen into the conversation, I would be most annoyed at being drawn into someone else's drama and would probably avoid them from then on.

Sounds ironic considering I’m on Mumsnet but I’ve found friends made through the common factor of having a baby or child the same age end up being hard work friends , online chats and groups with big bunches of mums just become filled with drama and bitching . Find friends you get on with on personal level and don’t bother with acquaintances who you can’t trust as far as you throw them .

Decloaking having read both threads.

Keep up the dignified front OP, you’ve behaved very well in the face of much provocation from SZ. Those who said you should have answered her calls have obviously not found themselves in a similar situation.

Another vote here for Softzilla and the Shoe of Solidarity if you go for a third thread.

if I were one of the people who was forced to listen into the conversation, I would be most annoyed at being drawn into someone else's drama

You see, if it was me, I'd be quite happy to support and witness and exchange for a friend.
It doesn't mean I have to gossip about it.

It's what friends do for each other

Just disengage OP. Disengage.

You know she's a twat and in time everyone else will too.
When she texts or calls making any plans or demanding you respond be cool and tell her you are busy. Distance yourself from her.

You don't need to feed the drama.

The whole way you handled the party was admirable. Again she tried to intimidate you by staring and saying nothing. She wanted a confrontation because that's the kind of person she is.

But I certainly would not want to hang out with her again at any future meet ups and for God's sake don't shake her hand again lol

Leave her to it.

The shaking hands thing wasn't as weird as it sounds lol. Friend 1 says I have misrepresented it. It was more of a moment where the tension got too much for her and she said 'oh shake hands or something will you? ' to break it. And then was surprised that we actually did!

The shaking hands thing wasn't as weird as it sounds, I read that as friend doing what you would do with children who aren't accepting apologises so you will shake on it to get them to move on IYKWIM.

Apologies for doubting you OP. It just seemed so ridiculous that there is actually someone who is such a dick as SZ.

I hope everyone sees her true colours and tells her to bog off.

OP i've just read both threads and think you have behaved brilliantly throughout. Kist one question, what did TBF stand for. I know who and what it refers to but couldn't figure out the initials and must have missed the bit that says it.

@moaningmeanowlark wasn't it TPF - tactless pregnant friend?