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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist to accompany dh to x ray results, possibly cancer

257 replies

Alicantine · 10/04/2018 00:48

I know it cannot possibly be a good news, but he wants to go on his own to hear the news and I am really upset at the thought.

Here is the background: The hospital rang this morning saying the doctor needed to speak to him urgently and he needs to be there tomorrow (well later today Tuesday 10th April) 3pm. He has had blood in his urine for months but only told me recently. As soon as he told me, I booked a gp appointment for him (about a month and a half ago). When he went the Gp said he needed some tests made and he made a referral. X ray tests were last Friday and they said he should expect the results within 7 to 10 days.
However, today Monday they called home several times (we were out) and we picked up the fourth call in the afternoon as soon as we came back. And they said "you need to come urgently tomorrow 3pm".

Am I right to think this can only be a bad news?

He is adamant he is going on his own, whereas I feel I need to be there.

Sorry for my syntax and order information I do not want to drip feed but I have tears just writing this as I love him so much and I am so scared of losing him

He's 39 and I'm 38. We've been married for 18 years. We have six children together that we love dearly. He is a great dad to them he has his own business and always manages to be there for them and help me with everything I need. I also run a different business and we've been doing great lately. Our relationship had had its fair share of us and downs, but I can honestly say that in all these years he's been my rock, and we haven't had nothing major in the past three years or so, if not more. We laugh, joke, and talk every day, and we always make sure we both know how much we count for the other one.

I believe it would be scandalous for him to go on a test results appointment like this without his wife. But at the same I want to respect his wishes and not upset him. I just don't know what to do to help him right now. If anyone has been in a similar situation or could advise me it'd be great.

I read testimonials of people preparing themselves to attend a cancer test results appointment and most of them say they were happy that someone was there with them, to ask the questions they didn't think about... I told him and he was like "I'm not like everyone, I want to go on my own" :(. What should I do?

OP posts:
CastielIsMyAngel · 10/04/2018 21:36

GirlsBlouse17 RTFT. He changed his mind.

Thinking of you OP

Orlandointhewilderness · 10/04/2018 21:46

Thinking of you. xx

MinesaPinot · 10/04/2018 22:25

Flowers Thinking of you all OP

Ickyockycocky · 10/04/2018 22:29

Thinking about you. 💐

MusicalMummyJules · 10/04/2018 22:40

Thinking of you this evening and hope you are coping with whatever news you were given.

Justaboy · 10/04/2018 22:40

I had a drop what your doing and call in monday first thing after a brain scan seemed the consultant was off to a golf tournament and wanted to get his outstanding paitents seen as soon as before he went away;!

One very bad weekend spent fretting wife came with me for support much appricated:)

Blood in pee?, can sometimes be a cancer but not always and if it is like ALL cancers the sooner its treated the better the outcome.

And i expect thats why they want to see him and now, in a way good job whatever it is has been discoverd and can in all probility be treated.

MagicJay · 10/04/2018 22:40

Been thinking about you both all day. Sending love.

Moviestar · 10/04/2018 23:10

Thinking of you OP and saying a little prayer for your family tonight ,if thats acceptable. I hope you are all doing ok.

thisismadness77 · 10/04/2018 23:17

I hope you are ok OP.

huha · 11/04/2018 07:35

Hope the silence isn't a bad sign OP. Thanks

jellycat1 · 11/04/2018 08:12

Hand hold for you and your DH Thanks

moreofaslummythanyummy · 11/04/2018 09:19
Flowers
CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 11/04/2018 13:12

Thinking of you - absolutely no need to update us if you don’t feel able to, but know that we’re all wishing you the very best Flowers

Dogjustguffed · 11/04/2018 13:21

What others said. No pressure/need to update, but I want you to know that I am thinking of you x

BuntyII · 11/04/2018 15:15

I am guessing that the silence is not a good sign Sad

GirlsBlouse17 · 11/04/2018 20:45

Thinking of you and DH OP x

Emilizz34 · 11/04/2018 20:51

Just reading this now . I really hope that you and your dh are ok .

MrsMozart · 11/04/2018 20:56

Just seen this. All bits are crossed lass.

Original poster
Alicantine · 11/04/2018 21:25

Wow.

Had no idea so much warmth could be felt across a virtual place like a forum.

Thank you all for your support and understanding, and sorry for my delay.

So we went, and the doctor said they discovered a mass on the wall of his bladder and an enlarged prostate...both of which, he said, could be due to cancer but also to other things.

Therefore he qualifies for an urgent referral (apparently it is the norm when cancer is suspected), and he has further tests starting from this Saturday 10am.

So in a nutshell: we still do not know. He even said that in some cases the scans make it appear like that there's a mass but then upon further inspection they sometimes discover there is no mass but that the prostate could be applying pressure on some places, which would then make it look like there is a mass.

In any case, it looks that if there is indeed a mass and it's not cancer or an illusion, then we still need to expect further tests and treatment...

But I have to admit that reading from your comments and the experiences of some of you here has strengthened me and I feel like I'm more able to help him now than before, and for this I'd like to thank you all.

OP posts:
MarvelleGazelle · 11/04/2018 21:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Somewhereovertherainbow13 · 11/04/2018 21:50

Flowers thinking of you and hope Saturday goes as well as it can x x

Floottoot · 11/04/2018 21:51

Alicantine, I'm so glad you were able to be with your DH to see the GP - you sound very level-headed and rational, which can only be a positive right now.
A close friend's husband went through the same thing earlier this year. He had been having symptoms for nearly a year before mentioning it to her. Blood tests showed an issue, a scan showed something, so he had to have biopsies. Thsnkfully, they came back clear.
I am keeping everything crossed that it will be the same outcome for your DH.

HolyMountain · 11/04/2018 21:52

Thinking of you and your Dh, take care.

FrancisofAss · 11/04/2018 22:16

Alicantine - glad to hear you were with your dh. Sorry that you are still in the dark about what is going on but I am glad to hear they are moving swiftly towards diagnosis. Fingers crossed it is the ‘better’ end of the scale of things. Huge hugs to you.

TheHobbyKing · 11/04/2018 22:24

Thanks for the update and I hope things go as well as they can.

We found that things happened very quickly and we’re very grateful to the NHS for everything.