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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To insist to accompany dh to x ray results, possibly cancer

257 replies

Alicantine · 10/04/2018 00:48

I know it cannot possibly be a good news, but he wants to go on his own to hear the news and I am really upset at the thought.

Here is the background: The hospital rang this morning saying the doctor needed to speak to him urgently and he needs to be there tomorrow (well later today Tuesday 10th April) 3pm. He has had blood in his urine for months but only told me recently. As soon as he told me, I booked a gp appointment for him (about a month and a half ago). When he went the Gp said he needed some tests made and he made a referral. X ray tests were last Friday and they said he should expect the results within 7 to 10 days.
However, today Monday they called home several times (we were out) and we picked up the fourth call in the afternoon as soon as we came back. And they said "you need to come urgently tomorrow 3pm".

Am I right to think this can only be a bad news?

He is adamant he is going on his own, whereas I feel I need to be there.

Sorry for my syntax and order information I do not want to drip feed but I have tears just writing this as I love him so much and I am so scared of losing him

He's 39 and I'm 38. We've been married for 18 years. We have six children together that we love dearly. He is a great dad to them he has his own business and always manages to be there for them and help me with everything I need. I also run a different business and we've been doing great lately. Our relationship had had its fair share of us and downs, but I can honestly say that in all these years he's been my rock, and we haven't had nothing major in the past three years or so, if not more. We laugh, joke, and talk every day, and we always make sure we both know how much we count for the other one.

I believe it would be scandalous for him to go on a test results appointment like this without his wife. But at the same I want to respect his wishes and not upset him. I just don't know what to do to help him right now. If anyone has been in a similar situation or could advise me it'd be great.

I read testimonials of people preparing themselves to attend a cancer test results appointment and most of them say they were happy that someone was there with them, to ask the questions they didn't think about... I told him and he was like "I'm not like everyone, I want to go on my own" :(. What should I do?

OP posts:
Laigny · 10/04/2018 14:43

Best of luck. Xx

fraggle84 · 10/04/2018 14:58

Thinking of you

memememe · 10/04/2018 15:03

hope it goes ok xx

kyrenialady · 10/04/2018 15:05

Hope it all goes well.

corythatwas · 10/04/2018 15:30

Good luck!

Hellsbellscockleshells · 10/04/2018 15:38

Hope it goes well OP and isn’t as bad as you feared. I was in this position and wanted my DH with me (as well as supporting me, he asked relevant questions I hadn’t thought of as I went to pieces, he also remembered more details after the appointment that i’d forgotten.
But I am sure if it was the other way round DH would prefer to go alone.

user1494588420 · 10/04/2018 15:41

Thinking of you 🌺

PrawnBhuna · 10/04/2018 15:42

Hope the news isn’t too devastating OP. I’m likely to be in a similar position tomorrow. It’s shit. And my DH works away so won’t be able to come even if I want him.

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 10/04/2018 15:58

Thinking of you OP and PrawnBhuna

Chasingsquirrels · 10/04/2018 16:05

Thinking of you both Alicantine.

stressedoutfred · 10/04/2018 16:37

Thinking of you and your DH x

Paperdoll16 · 10/04/2018 17:08

Hope all is okay Thanks

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 10/04/2018 18:56

Thinking of you op. Thanks

Chickychoccyegg · 10/04/2018 19:28

Hope all ok Flowers

MyMushroomsInATimeSlip · 10/04/2018 19:39

Hope you are ok op. Just for info for
Op and incywincybitofa:
There are no issues about radiotherapy "exposure" for a breastfeeding baby unless the baby is in the radiotherapy room! (Wouldn't ever happen). Radiotherapy does not make someone radioactive and is cannot be passed onto someone else.

Rachie1986 · 10/04/2018 19:47

Hope all is ok OP x

pigpoglet · 10/04/2018 19:47

Hope you are both ok 💐

BuntyII · 10/04/2018 19:51
Thanks
TheHobbitMum · 10/04/2018 20:02
Flowers
letstryagainaaahhhh · 10/04/2018 20:10

Thanks thinking of you and your family this evening.

Polkadot1974 · 10/04/2018 20:34

Thinking about you

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/04/2018 21:00

Thinking of you all Thanks

dontbesillyhenry · 10/04/2018 21:09

Sending love

GirlsBlouse17 · 10/04/2018 21:09

Hi Alicantine am sorry to hear about your husband. What a huge worry for you. I pray that he does not have cancer. I have posted a link for Macmillan who are very supportive and offer all sorts of advice.

I guess if your husband wants to go to his appointment on his own, all you can do is be there at the end of the phone or wait at the hospital ready for when he needs you which he will

Will be thinking of you both xxx