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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To insist to accompany dh to x ray results, possibly cancer

257 replies

Alicantine · 10/04/2018 00:48

I know it cannot possibly be a good news, but he wants to go on his own to hear the news and I am really upset at the thought.

Here is the background: The hospital rang this morning saying the doctor needed to speak to him urgently and he needs to be there tomorrow (well later today Tuesday 10th April) 3pm. He has had blood in his urine for months but only told me recently. As soon as he told me, I booked a gp appointment for him (about a month and a half ago). When he went the Gp said he needed some tests made and he made a referral. X ray tests were last Friday and they said he should expect the results within 7 to 10 days.
However, today Monday they called home several times (we were out) and we picked up the fourth call in the afternoon as soon as we came back. And they said "you need to come urgently tomorrow 3pm".

Am I right to think this can only be a bad news?

He is adamant he is going on his own, whereas I feel I need to be there.

Sorry for my syntax and order information I do not want to drip feed but I have tears just writing this as I love him so much and I am so scared of losing him

He's 39 and I'm 38. We've been married for 18 years. We have six children together that we love dearly. He is a great dad to them he has his own business and always manages to be there for them and help me with everything I need. I also run a different business and we've been doing great lately. Our relationship had had its fair share of us and downs, but I can honestly say that in all these years he's been my rock, and we haven't had nothing major in the past three years or so, if not more. We laugh, joke, and talk every day, and we always make sure we both know how much we count for the other one.

I believe it would be scandalous for him to go on a test results appointment like this without his wife. But at the same I want to respect his wishes and not upset him. I just don't know what to do to help him right now. If anyone has been in a similar situation or could advise me it'd be great.

I read testimonials of people preparing themselves to attend a cancer test results appointment and most of them say they were happy that someone was there with them, to ask the questions they didn't think about... I told him and he was like "I'm not like everyone, I want to go on my own" :(. What should I do?

OP posts:
MinesaPinot · 11/04/2018 22:24

Thinking of you both and keeping everything crossed for you x

dontbesillyhenry · 11/04/2018 22:37

Fingers crossed lovely

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/04/2018 22:48

Hi OP, thanks for coming back. It's good DH has an appointment so quickly as the waiting can be awful. Keeping everything crossed for him, hope you manage to get some sleep Flowers

UnderslungBowlingBall · 11/04/2018 23:36

Thanks for the update, as others have said it's good he's got an appointment soon, fingers crossed it turns out to be ok.

MrsMozart · 11/04/2018 23:39

Thank you for the update.

We'll be here, holding your hand and providing support.

Shednik · 11/04/2018 23:52

I have been thinking of you and checking this thread. Everything crossed for you and your dh.

Chasingsquirrels · 12/04/2018 00:09

Been thinking of you both Alicantine, hope you get a good outcome x

MagicJay · 12/04/2018 06:23

Been thinking of you both so much. These things are so very difficult to face alone but to do them together will make you both stronger.

glitterbiscuits · 12/04/2018 07:19

Thanks for the update. Hope that you get some proper answers soon and they are all good.

froggybiby · 12/04/2018 07:23

I hope for you it's not cancer. Sending my best wishes Flowers

Medwaymumoffour · 12/04/2018 08:37

Good luck with the tests and much strength to you both

thethoughtfox · 12/04/2018 08:39

It is his body, his personal information, his choice.

thethoughtfox · 12/04/2018 08:40

PS Fingers and toes crossed.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 12/04/2018 08:41

Probably best to rtft thethoughtfox.

Feckitall · 12/04/2018 08:44

Thinking of you OP..going through the same experience here too..2 years after DH last had cancer...trying not to panic....

Alicantine · 18/04/2018 12:52

Well.

Unfortunately they believe it is a cancerous tumour.

He has just called me five minutes ago.

HE went to his appointment on Saturday but they had moved it to this morning and we were not home to pick up the letter (odd!).

He had a cystoscopy whereby they insert a camera in the urethra and you get the results straight away. Although this time round I could not be with him anyway.

The consultant said only the biopsy will confirm 100% but from his experience etc he is pretty sure it is a tumour and the biopsy will help determine how deeply installed the cancer is.

I am a bit numb.

It is a very lonely place right now.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 18/04/2018 12:58

What horrible news for you and DH. Been through similar with my DH and you are right it does feel very lonely. Offering you a virtual hand hold.

LimonViola · 18/04/2018 13:10

I'm really sorry OP. Your mind must be all over the place.

Who do you have to talk to/sit with in real life? I hope you have a couple of close trusted friends who can hold you through this 💛

yerbutnobut · 18/04/2018 13:22

Really sorry to hear this. It can feel a lonely place but you have one another, sometimes can be worse for family watching a loved one go through it, I felt an over whelming sense of guilt when I was diagnosed with cancer. Sending you both my best wishes xx

MagicJay · 18/04/2018 13:25

I'm so sorry to hear this OP. Best wishes to your DH and you and the whole family.

RLOU88 · 18/04/2018 13:30

Sending my unreserved best wishes and hoping you both have the world of support. X

RLOU88 · 18/04/2018 13:31

Sending my unreserved best wishes and hoping you both have the world of support. X

patstar · 18/04/2018 13:43

My sincere best wishes to your husband and yourself. xx

bonbonlavie · 18/04/2018 13:52

So sorry to hear this.

We're all with you and I hope that gives you some comfort xx

Amanduh · 18/04/2018 13:54

FlowersFlowers