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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To insist to accompany dh to x ray results, possibly cancer

257 replies

Alicantine · 10/04/2018 00:48

I know it cannot possibly be a good news, but he wants to go on his own to hear the news and I am really upset at the thought.

Here is the background: The hospital rang this morning saying the doctor needed to speak to him urgently and he needs to be there tomorrow (well later today Tuesday 10th April) 3pm. He has had blood in his urine for months but only told me recently. As soon as he told me, I booked a gp appointment for him (about a month and a half ago). When he went the Gp said he needed some tests made and he made a referral. X ray tests were last Friday and they said he should expect the results within 7 to 10 days.
However, today Monday they called home several times (we were out) and we picked up the fourth call in the afternoon as soon as we came back. And they said "you need to come urgently tomorrow 3pm".

Am I right to think this can only be a bad news?

He is adamant he is going on his own, whereas I feel I need to be there.

Sorry for my syntax and order information I do not want to drip feed but I have tears just writing this as I love him so much and I am so scared of losing him

He's 39 and I'm 38. We've been married for 18 years. We have six children together that we love dearly. He is a great dad to them he has his own business and always manages to be there for them and help me with everything I need. I also run a different business and we've been doing great lately. Our relationship had had its fair share of us and downs, but I can honestly say that in all these years he's been my rock, and we haven't had nothing major in the past three years or so, if not more. We laugh, joke, and talk every day, and we always make sure we both know how much we count for the other one.

I believe it would be scandalous for him to go on a test results appointment like this without his wife. But at the same I want to respect his wishes and not upset him. I just don't know what to do to help him right now. If anyone has been in a similar situation or could advise me it'd be great.

I read testimonials of people preparing themselves to attend a cancer test results appointment and most of them say they were happy that someone was there with them, to ask the questions they didn't think about... I told him and he was like "I'm not like everyone, I want to go on my own" :(. What should I do?

OP posts:
GlitteryFluff · 10/04/2018 12:16

Wishing your DH lots of luck Thanks

MagicJay · 10/04/2018 12:24

Good luck today, to you and you DH.

aliceinwonderlandbrum · 10/04/2018 12:28

Good luck to you and your husband OP xx 💐

notapizzaeater · 10/04/2018 12:28

Good luck today

nellly · 10/04/2018 12:37

Good luck today Thanks

Teaonthelawn · 10/04/2018 13:24

Thinking of you both

FizzyGreenWater · 10/04/2018 13:33

Good luck. No it doesn't sound good but a. It could literally be anything and b. even if it is bad news, that does not mean it is not treatable.

So fingers crossed for you Flowers

feathermucker · 10/04/2018 13:41

Good luck

ZigZagIntoTheBlue · 10/04/2018 13:43

Good luck Flowers

Felicitycity · 10/04/2018 13:46

Good luck.

CuppaTeaAndAJammieDodger · 10/04/2018 13:46

Loads of luck to you both - I hope the news isn’t as bad as you fear, but if it is, at least the ball is rolling now and treatment can begin. Sending you lots of positive vibes 🌷

BrendasUmbrella · 10/04/2018 13:51

Best of luck Flowers

cornishclottedcream · 10/04/2018 13:52

Good luck and stay positive.

yerbutnobut · 10/04/2018 13:56

Sorry to hear you find yourselves in this situation. A few years ago I was diagnosed with cancer, my friend had driven me to hospital as I didn't drive at the time and that i am grateful for as I went into shock and couldn't concentrate so driving would have been tricky. Also, as I was told I switched off after hearing the C word and my friend had to ask lots of questions and make sure my next appointment was clear and what happened from there etc...its a lot to take in and your DH isn't going to grasp before hand how he is going to react if he has never been told of such a diagnosis before.
I would otherwise have been on the 'respect his wishes' bench, but having experience of it I found it best to have someone there. Can he take a friend or someone else? Maybe he's concerned about your emotional involvement?
Thinking of you and your Family OP, best wishes.

yerbutnobut · 10/04/2018 14:00

Sorry, my phone decided to completely skip page 2 with OP update on!!Grin
Glad to hear he changed his mind OP.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 10/04/2018 14:01

Good luck op

BewareOfDragons · 10/04/2018 14:03

Best of luck to you and your DH, OP. I'm glad you're going with him.

VioletCharlotte · 10/04/2018 14:04

Thinking of you both. I can only imagine how frightening this just be for you Thanks

HollowTalk · 10/04/2018 14:04

I'm glad you're going with him and wish him all the best.

CiderwithBuda · 10/04/2018 14:09

Glad he changed his mind. I was on my own when I was told although mine was technically a pre-cancer. It was classed as aggressive though. I had texted DH but he hadn’t checked his phone so he’d only read it just as I was leaving the hospital anyway.

Aridane · 10/04/2018 14:09

Best of luck - and I'm glad in the end he wanted you with them.

For myself, I really didn't want anyone with me at my cancer appointments. I wanted to focus on myself and not also have to manage the reactions or distraction of having someone with me. But that's just me

LML83 · 10/04/2018 14:09

Glad he changed his mind. Good luck Flowers

AlessandroVasectomi · 10/04/2018 14:11

I’m so glad to read that he changed his mind. A few years ago I had a terrible time with colitis and major abdominal surgery - all in the past now and all successful, thank goodness. Throughout it all my wife attended all the consultations with me and I was so grateful. As a previous poster said, we both remembered different things from the mass of information we were given and the decisions we had to make, but we were able to piece it all together and make an informed choice.

My wife showed such strength and resilience during the whole episode that it brought us closer together and I’m sure that aided my (lengthy) recovery. I’m sure you’ll be just the same for your husband and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for the best outcome this afternoon.

TheHobbyKing · 10/04/2018 14:18

I’m glad he’s changed his mind. DH has always wanted me there and it’s good to be in the loop about everything as it affects your whole life. Especially when you have DC to think about as well. I’ve found all our friends and family really supportive and it really does help to talk about it and not try and hide it. DH has been very open and honest about his cancer treatment and it’s certainly bought everyone closer together.

FoodGloriousFud · 10/04/2018 14:28

Good luck today, hoping for positive news