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Original poster

Noisy church

150 replies

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 09/04/2018 07:56

I went to church this week for the first time in years for a christening, which was during the normal service.

OMG the noise.

There were children crying and not being taken out. Some eating loudly. Some whining. Some talking in their normal voices. Some running around. It added up to the priest actually having to shout to be barely heard.

Can’t people teach children to sit quietly for an hour? It was certainly not like this at church when I was growing up.

Even if you are not religious, it is clear that it is a quiet environment, not a soft play area.

It’s clear these children know there will be no consequences for playing silly buggers. I don’t mean hitting them, I mean a 7 yo knowing he won’t get to play on the wii when he gets home if he keeps it up. Even a toddler can be entertained to sit quietly, and as a parent you inconvenience yourself by taking a crying child out rather than inconvenience everyone else with the noise.

What the actual fuck is going on with parenting!

OP posts:
Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 08:00

Was it a family service?

When I was a kid (so going back to the 70’s Church of England) kids were encouraged to come to family services - held once a month, they were noisy, joyful affairs. The church kept bags of toys and it was fine for noisy children to stay. Christenings were usually part of the family services.

The other services on the other Sundays were traditional affairs and noisy children would not have stayed - but they had Sunday school available those weeks (no Sunday school of family service weeks).

Think it’s quite a common model now, was unusual in the 70’s/80’s (in c of e anyway)

gussyfinknottle · 09/04/2018 08:01

I think it's called "Suffer the little children to come unto me" in the bible. But if you know better than the central book of the Christian Church, that's fine.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 08:03

And yep at family services it was fine for the children to be in the aisles. The vicar’s wife used to tell parents struggling to keep their offspring in the pews it was fine to let them go.

Was/is just a very different style of service.

Etino · 09/04/2018 08:03

If you go to church so rarely, it’s non of your business.

shakeyourcaboose · 09/04/2018 08:06

gussy you got in before me! I rarely attend church unless invited to a celebration, but l was so pleased at a recent christening that the celebrant actually pointedly stated this, and to quote Whitney 'the children are the future' of the church!

missbonita · 09/04/2018 08:07

I was really surprised by this at a friends babies christening. One little boy was running up and down the centre aisle shrieking during the service and my friend looked like she was about to cry! She was told it was alll part of an ‘acceptance’ movement to encourage kids to come and for people to bring their kids but surely it’s not a great idea to put off all the adults without kids!

autumnboys · 09/04/2018 08:07

We didn’t have a christening yesterday, but we did have a family service. That’s what it’s supposed to be like. If the church had enough families to make that much noise, they are doing something right - ie making children welcome & not holding to seen & not heard.

isittheholidaysyet · 09/04/2018 08:07

Was this a specific baptism service?
Or a normal service with baptism?
Were the kids the church kids or the baptism guests, or were they both the same thing?

Kids rarely have to be quiet for long periods of time these days, even in school, and even then not until they are aged about 6 or 7.

In my church the kids are fairly quiet and well behaved, but that takes a gargantuan effort by the parents, who have been doing this every week since the kids were born.
My 11 and 9 year olds get it. My 13 year old still struggles with church behaviour.

SerenDippitty · 09/04/2018 08:11

DH’s family is Catholic and on the rare occasions I’ve accompanied him to mass it’s been like a zoo. Can hardly hear the priest over the noise of the children.

Owletterocks · 09/04/2018 08:14

This is why church attendance is diminishing. I haven’t really gone since I had kids because I was made to feel unwelcome if they uttered a sound. It is very difficult to get a toddler to sit still in silence for an hour and not much fun for the parents or the toddler.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 08:14

She was told it was alll part of an ‘acceptance’ movement to encourage kids to come and for people to bring their kids

And was happening at family services at the church I attended as a child, back in the 70’s. It’s not new - although some churches may have been slower on the uptake & some may still not offer family services.

AJPTaylor · 09/04/2018 08:16

If its the first time you have been in years, its no concern of yours is it?

ladymariner · 09/04/2018 08:16

Well I think its rude. A church is supposed to be a place of worship, not a bloody free for all. Why do some parents think its ok to let their kids run riot?

ShatnersWig · 09/04/2018 08:18

When I used to go to church as a youngster (80s) kids stayed in for the first 15 minutes - first hymn, a reading, a talk specifically for the children - and then went out to Sunday School or creche.

I don't think these messy services are necessarily a wise move. Because if children are allowed to just run up and down the aisle and do what they like, they won't understand why they can't/shouldn't do that in cafes or other places. I think it's a valuable lesson to try and get kids to sit relatively quietly for 15 minutes.

coconuttella · 09/04/2018 08:19

I think it’s a balance...
A church should be welcoming and that means recognising that children are children and to expect them to sit still for an hour or so while the adults get on with things is both unrealistic and only serve to make churches miserable places. So there should be child friendly things for them to do, either as part of the service, or alongside it (crèches or colouring/Lego tables etc.)

However, I also think parents have a responsibility to ensure their children are respectful and not disruptive to the point of turning the place into a noisy free-for-all.

ladymariner · 09/04/2018 08:19

There's a massive difference too between children playing quietly at the back with toys provided, which I think is great and encourages children to feel welcome, and children charging about screaming and kicking off whilst their parents sit and ignore them.

DeathStare · 09/04/2018 08:20

Well I think its rude. A church is supposed to be a place of worship, not a bloody free for all. Why do some parents think its ok to let their kids run riot?

Because the church sets the rules and in many churches this is OK. There are different ways to worship - it doesn't have to be undertaken quietly. Churches have different cultures and practices. You need to find one that suits you, rather than go to one with a different ethos and then moan that it isn't the way you like it.

Lalalaleah · 09/04/2018 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bertielab · 09/04/2018 08:21

One of my DC is nearly deaf in one ear and half in the other. The band in the church, the music etc make them run round like they are on speed. Anyone calling their name - they can’t hear above the noise. It had got to the point that I was reluctant to go (in tears most weeks and exhausted after chasing after them and trying to keep them quiet! ) and was told by all the elders and the leader that - no, it’s their church too, let them run. The vicar then said to the entire church about the hearing problems, that said child wasn’t rude if they ignored them and to let them run and enjoy being able to be themselves in god’s church. So now they run and enjoy the music and the impact it has. The entire congregation look after them (I said no to them running out the door etc !). Church is family for us. They treat the child as part of the family.

Anyone coming in might wonder why the heck this child is running around but they can’t hear. We have 6 SEN children as well in our church - the parents are supported to come to church etc the children go to Sunday school and the main part of the service is child free apart from family services. The child are free to be themselves within reason and the parents helped.

Sometimes you don’t know the situation.

The entire church is raising these children and showing them tolerance.

We don’t go to prayer meetings, home groups etc so there are many ‘quiet’ things we don’t attend so that others have some peace!

FreudianSlurp · 09/04/2018 08:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coconuttella · 09/04/2018 08:24

If its the first time you have been in years, its no concern of yours is it?

Indeed! It’s a little ironic that one of the reasons you probably don’t go more often is that church is stuffy, full and serious, and you have more “fun” things to do on. Sunday.... yet when you do go and it’s more lively and child-friendly, and not what you don’t really like, you take umbrage!

MyOtherProfile · 09/04/2018 08:24

Presumably if you were visiting for a christening so were lots of these families with children so the children may not be used to church at all, and possibly neither are the parents. If it was a normal service and not a christening then it's most likely the children would have gone out for Sunday school part way in so it wouldn't be an issue.

Minniemannymoo · 09/04/2018 08:26

This is why I don't go to church with my smallest DC. When I went to church we were encouraged to talk and go up to the front and it was made about us children. I loved going every week.

I've been a few times with my DC and it's a chore to keep them quiet and I hate the dirty looks so we simply don't go as a family. I don't want to have to give them toys , tech and food and I don't want to be constantly shhhing a 2, 3 and 4 year old. Why go to a family service if you don't want family noise?

About 25 years ago a little boy legged it to the front of the church and hid right behind the tabernacle. There was a microphone in that area and all you could hear was his giggling. The priest found it hilarious. He was the most amazing priest though.

charlestonchaplin · 09/04/2018 08:26

Many places, including churches have a more relaxed attitude to children these days. But it isn't meant to be like a soft play centre or playgroup, at least not the churches I have attended. There are usually age-specific activities for children in separate rooms. The children go there after worship ( the singing bit) except for once a month or so when the entire service is child-friendly. There is also a crèche for children under two.

The idea is for children to engage with the message, not for church to be a playground. We are all more understanding and tolerant of children's behaviour but I think some people are mistaken in thinking church is a free for all. No-one (well, few people) expect you to keep your child silent, but they don't expect you to abdicate responsibility altogether when you walk through the church door.

OneStepSideways · 09/04/2018 08:27

Even a toddler can be entertained to sit quietly

Really? How? My two year old only engages with quiet activities when she's in the mood. If other children are running around playing there's no way she will sit still and look at a book!
I wouldn't take her out if it was cold or wet. Nor would I expect parents with babies to stand outside in the cold because the baby's crying. If there was a rule that children must sit quietly or go outside I doubt many people would attend the service.

I agree with older children being taught to sit quietly, but I'm not sure it's realistic with preschoolers!