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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Noisy church

150 replies

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 09/04/2018 07:56

I went to church this week for the first time in years for a christening, which was during the normal service.

OMG the noise.

There were children crying and not being taken out. Some eating loudly. Some whining. Some talking in their normal voices. Some running around. It added up to the priest actually having to shout to be barely heard.

Can’t people teach children to sit quietly for an hour? It was certainly not like this at church when I was growing up.

Even if you are not religious, it is clear that it is a quiet environment, not a soft play area.

It’s clear these children know there will be no consequences for playing silly buggers. I don’t mean hitting them, I mean a 7 yo knowing he won’t get to play on the wii when he gets home if he keeps it up. Even a toddler can be entertained to sit quietly, and as a parent you inconvenience yourself by taking a crying child out rather than inconvenience everyone else with the noise.

What the actual fuck is going on with parenting!

OP posts:

GoldenEvilHoor · 09/04/2018 19:26

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Whereisthegin1978 · 09/04/2018 19:27

Most churches have christenings once a month now during a family service. Family services are renowned for allowing children more freedom - kids groups aren't ok and children take part in the service. Other Sunday's you'll find kids groups taking place in the main service. Most churches now also have evening services which don't cater for children. Some even have an earlier morning meeting again not children oriented. So anyone who is part of a church will know to miss that once a month meeting If they aren't keen on The family service plus again most have mid week events. you can't really complain if you haven't accessed all the different styles - the days of one service on a Sunday are gone.

Whereisthegin1978 · 09/04/2018 19:28

Typo - kids groups aren't ON not *ok.

Babdoc · 09/04/2018 19:31

I've attended one church that had a creche for babies and toddlers, and several that send all the kids out for their Sunday School session after the first 15 minutes of the service. If we have a baptism, it's during the early (children's) part of the service.
My present church makes families welcome, and has a box of toys in one of the pews to keep toddlers occupied. We've never had a problem with rowdiness during christenings, even with a lot of visiting kids who aren't used to the church routine. Maybe we've just been lucky with well behaved families!

wendiwoowho · 09/04/2018 19:40

Why should church be quiet all the time though?
I think there should be a certain amount of respect, people are praying and reflecting. As long as children en aren't running around wild, a title noise really isn't an issue, they are children. I think it's opinions like this which sees churches attendance sliding. If it's a place where children have to go to which they need to remain silent and sit still the whole time, why would they want to go? It isn't anyone wonder people grow to dislike religion going in adult life.
This is also the reason I love my church, and my priest. The children are very much welcomed, it's a lovely community feeling and of course the children are part of that, they are the future.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 19:48

Tbh you can go to church anytime to pray. Doesn’t have to be during a service.

My eldest son loves empty churches - there’s never anyone there when we pop in.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 19:55

I just find the idea that churches should be experienced in one particular very stiff way really odd. I’m an atheist, my eldest son will never have the remotest concept of god or religion, but we both like going into churches and having a little break, or just nosing at the architecture (me) or the acoustics (him).

I’ve been to enough church services in all sorts of buildings in my time to know that there is plenty of choice in how you choose to worship god. If you want a very traditional service without children you will find one. If you want guitars and drums you will find that. If you are an atheist and want to go and sit in a church for a while to soak up the atmosphere and peace that’s fine as well.

Churches need people to survive, otherwise they become luxury homes - it’s good if they get all sorts through the doors. Some quiet, some noisy.

Bit odd to never go to church and then complain you don’t like that churches family services

BasilThirty · 09/04/2018 20:11

Any noise that drowns out the preaching/nonsense I have to listen to on the few occasions I have to be in a church for a christening or wedding is fine by me!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 09/04/2018 20:25

To families who attend family services, how do your children transition into "adult" or "regulars" church? Do you start taking them alone?

IME from attending a family service, I think it just happens as they get older. The masses during school holidays do get noisy when there is not children’s group, but mostly, that noise is children under the age of 4. I can’t think of very many occasions where the noise or wandering children have been older (or even as old as that tbh). By about 7 they’re usually fine and don’t even fidget that much.

We do have a number of adults and children with SN who occasionally shout out or shriek during the service. I think quite a lot of people would be upset if a non regular attender felt that this had ruined their child’s baptism.

mathanxiety · 09/04/2018 20:29

My (RC) church has a children's focus Mass at 9 every Sunday but families go to all the other Masses too.

There is always a slight hubbub/ background noise. You would never see a child running in the aisles though, and parents make an effort to tein in their children. There is a cry room for the incorrigible. There are no boxes of toys.

For the most part, small children and even toddlers are quiet for the hour and ten minutes it usually takes. Not sitting silently for the duration but paying attention off and on, held by parent off and on, looking at a book off and on, nibbling Cheerios, whispering, and the odd squawk occasionally... It really is possible to teach them to do this, and it's good for them to learn that different places require certain sorts if behaviour.

CampariSpritz · 09/04/2018 20:36

We’re always at the back at mass, along with most folk with very young children. Last week, the priest encouraged everyone standing at the back to come to the front where there were free pews. But no one budged (me, DH and DD who is 3 included). If the crèche is on (during term time), she will go in happily. If it is not on, we loiter at the back and if she gets too fractious, I go out with her. She doesn’t really enjoy it and I find it stressful keeping her quiet for over an hour. She didn’t want to go last week and I said (sounding very grown up!) “there will be no Easter egg hunt if you don’t go to mass”. When the priest went round with the bell, she said “right, mass is finished. Easter egg hunt now”. Arrrrrggggh!!

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 20:47

That's quite depressing Golden! :(

needyourlovingtouch · 09/04/2018 21:07

Church is a generalisation as they are all different. Some churches will have active groups for children and crèches while others are simply not suitable for 3 year olds. My DD could not and should not be expected to sit through an hour long catholic or trad CofE service.

Daddystepdaddy · 09/04/2018 21:15

It is a balance between being an inclusive welcoming venue for families and a respectful place for worship. It is quite hard to strike that balance.

That said, as a regular church goer it is a shame that so many people only turn up to weddings and baptisms and are prepared to judge a church based on that. It would be lovely to see you all on a normal Sunday too.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 22:27

Quite. And to me a church should be inclusive above everything else.

walkingtheplank · 09/04/2018 22:38

In my church we have children at most services as well as the monthly family service. There is also a glass room within the main church for children to play in. There is a bit of hub bub that my children have added to but all fine and not disturbing except....

...this Easter Sunday, Christening service included. So many children running up and down shrieking. Luckily the priest had written his sermon out in full so he could just shout it out without having to think and a server caught a lit candle stick that went flying.

I've always liked the sound of children in Church but everyone's experience should be considered.

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2018 22:55

That is a totally different scenario to NT children being allowed to run riot (and some are)

KichenDancefloor · 09/04/2018 23:04

I love going to a church where children are encouraged to act in an age-appropriate way.

That means;
Babies babbling
Toddlers toddling
Pre-schoolers dancing and 'playing' instruments
Infant school kids asking questions
Tweens with their noses in books
Teens sitting with their friends
Young couples holding hands
Parents of young children looking after each other's kids
SEN kids and adults doing whatever they need to do in that moment
Etc

It is rare for everyone to sit still and quietly, because that's not what people do and the church is made up of people of all ages and tolerance to the fidgets.

I do take issue however with people who are disrespectful to the church community, whether that is an older child running around or a visitor looking down their noses because church isn't the way it was in the 1960s. We don't even have pews anymore

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 23:17

It’s not a totally different scenario to being allowed to ‘run riot’- if both are behaving as well as they can. My adult disabled son is certainly quite capable of ‘running riot’ & I can imagine perfectly normal young child behaviour being described as ‘running riot’ by some.

Some services are appropriate for both, others not.

GoldenEvilHoor · 10/04/2018 04:37

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KichenDancefloor · 10/04/2018 07:00

I can't even begin to imagine this

Really? It's lovely to have someone to snuggle into, especially if the sermon is dragging on a bit!

GoldenEvilHoor · 10/04/2018 07:04

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Tomorrowillbeachicken · 10/04/2018 12:30

Tbh we try to get the kids out to Sunday school as quickly as possible in the service and back as late as possible in the service. I help with the Sunday school and with a church with kids with some Sen it is the easiest thing. I have to admit though that people who have moaned to me that kids should be seen and not heard got not too pleasant replies in return.

user1485342611 · 10/04/2018 16:37

YANBU OP. But some parents cannot understand that there's a happy medium between children not being allowed to utter a sound during a church ceremony, and children being allowed to take over with shouting, running around, playing with noisy toys etc.

But as I've said on another post, so many parents nowadays seem to think that 'family friendly' means that children take complete priority and no one else's needs have to be considered at all. You see it in restaurants all the time "But it's family friendly" being used to excuse children tearing around, banging into chairs, screaming their heads off in high chairs and so on.

HyenaHappy · 10/04/2018 23:11

I can't even begin to imagine this shock

I can’t even begin to imagine a church where people couldn’t hold hands. I’ve been in church since I was a child, including a formal one when I was younger. I’ve never encountered such strictness in any of them.

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