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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Noisy church

150 replies

DoctorWhatTheFuck · 09/04/2018 07:56

I went to church this week for the first time in years for a christening, which was during the normal service.

OMG the noise.

There were children crying and not being taken out. Some eating loudly. Some whining. Some talking in their normal voices. Some running around. It added up to the priest actually having to shout to be barely heard.

Can’t people teach children to sit quietly for an hour? It was certainly not like this at church when I was growing up.

Even if you are not religious, it is clear that it is a quiet environment, not a soft play area.

It’s clear these children know there will be no consequences for playing silly buggers. I don’t mean hitting them, I mean a 7 yo knowing he won’t get to play on the wii when he gets home if he keeps it up. Even a toddler can be entertained to sit quietly, and as a parent you inconvenience yourself by taking a crying child out rather than inconvenience everyone else with the noise.

What the actual fuck is going on with parenting!

OP posts:
PaleBlue · 09/04/2018 08:27

My ds knows to be quiet but does find it difficult to sit so I give him his fidget spinner and tell him he can stand up at the side of go out to the corridor.

Churches here are desperate for families to start attending the so I think they would be happy to have noisy children running around. Congregations at the churches I attend are mainly made up of elderly people. It must be love!y to go to a noisy family friendly church.

WiggyPig · 09/04/2018 08:28

What they all said. At my church we have a children’s service just for children once a month (and the adults know the main service will then be child free!) and an all age service, both are a bit riotous. Under 3s at the back and bigger ones encouraged to Sunday school after the first 15 mins.

Churches do so much more than the family service. I wouldn’t take 3yo DD to the 8am service or Evensong or Morning Prayer or the Taize or the Good Friday service - but at the family service she and the other kids make a joyful noise, and it’s encouraged.

It wasn’t like that when I was little either but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 08:30

That’s your church Charleston - wasn’t true of family services at the church I attended as a child (stil isn’t true of that church).

Lots of different styles of church to choose from.

newcupcake · 09/04/2018 08:33

Sounds fab ! Churches need to be fun, noisy vibrant welcoming places where children are As much a part of the church family as anyone else, my three have always toddled about being themselves during church and everyone loves them. Obviously if they were screaming I'd take them out but normal child noises are fine. Children being seen and not heard in church is archaic.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 08:33

Incidentally at my church as a child they always had a really traditional matins service before the family service for those who couldn’t cope with the kids

So the monthly timetable was something like matins/family service one week a couple of sung eucharists some of the other weeks and the a less formal non-family service the other week. So plenty of non-noisy-child services.

grasspigeons · 09/04/2018 08:37

actually, I'm going to go against the grain here - I don't think this church was doing family worship that well

being inclusive isn't the same as boring the children to death so they run round whining and crying for the hour and everyone just having to tolerate . I want children to join in at dinner in a restaurant but I don't leave them whining and crying whilst the adults talk politics.

the church I attend most has a room off to the side for parents to take upset children babies into, it has toys and the service is played on speakers in there, and you can see whats going on. When they are happy you can go back in. Its not a disgrace thing just a courtesy, there is lots of movement between the quiet room and the main church

But more importantly children have stuff to do and are included. There isn't much sitting still - so in the music bits for instance there are massive flags and maracas that they are encouraged to wave around and walk around with. They get given jobs, even if its just holding paper cut outs of the characters in the particular bible story. The vicar moves around the room and the children can move between their parents and sitting at where ever the front is for that bit of the service.

gussyfinknottle · 09/04/2018 08:37

We had the priest's old dog roll in at our wedding. It was great.
Don't like it? Go in the week to one of the daily services. Oh, I forget, you don't go.

AddictiveCereal · 09/04/2018 08:39

I'm an athetist - but what do you think Jesus would think about this?

Bekabeech · 09/04/2018 08:39

Family services have been like this for years.
In fact they were too noisy for my children so we often "missed" them.

So if it was a family service/messy church etc. then YABU.
However my DC could be quiet when necessary or were taken out, they didn't feel any less part of the Church, and were welcome at quite formal services (Funeral Mass, Cathedral Weddings etc.).

YouAndMeAreGoingToFallOut · 09/04/2018 08:39

There aren't many children at our church at all - many weeks my almost two year old and an another child about the same age are the only ones there. They stay for the first 15 minutes of the service and then go to the crèche in the church hall until communion. Services are usually 90 minutes so it would be a huge struggle to keep them quiet and still for that length of time!

cloudyweewee · 09/04/2018 08:40

I never go to the Family Mass at my church for this very reason. I went once, but never again!The children weren't allowed to run around or talk loudly, but it was geared towards families with children. I go to a quieter Mass and every week, a woman brings her young child (who must be about 2/3 and she sits very quietly, occasionally whispering questions to her mum who answers equally quietly. This, I approve of!

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 08:42

I went to church this week for the first time in years for a christening

You mean a service deidcated to a child being accepted in the church, and there were actual children there!? Shock How upsetting for you.

Tinkobell · 09/04/2018 08:44

OP - your language is not exactly pious or raising the standard is it?
Last year, i went to a gurdwara.....that has a very casual, familial atmosphere - kids running about, people walking in and out....very welcoming and warm.

MorningsEleven · 09/04/2018 08:45

@bertielab

Think I've got something in my eye.

lovesugarfreejelly63 · 09/04/2018 08:45

I would love to see a few noisy children running around in my church, we don't have any, just a dwindling elderly congregation, threat of closure always hanging over our heads

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 08:46

Can’t people teach children to sit quietly for an hour? It was certainly not like this at church when I was growing up.

You strike me as someone who doesn't have children. No, you can't teach a small child to sit quietly for an hour. It's not what they do.

PoshPenny · 09/04/2018 08:47

You see I'm with the OP. When I was little I was told it was Gods House and I had to sit quietly and be on my best behaviour. So I was. I know how tough it is - I took my daughters when they were tiny on my own as my DH was working away and it was very hard keeping them quiet-ish and contained. I don't like the kids running round in a free for all and their parents ignoring it. I go back to its Gods House and we should all be polite and respectful in there.

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 08:50

I think sometimes people who happen to get a 2 year old who will sit queitly for hour think this is some down to some sort of brlliant parenting effort on their part. It's really not. It's luck of the draw. LIke getting one who is great at maths or learns to read at two. Feel lucky, not smug.

kittensinmydinner1 · 09/04/2018 08:50

I'm with you OP. I've gone to church all my life. As a child we went to family service once a month. As a mother I took my children to family service twice a month. They stayed in for first hymn and child centred talk, then all out for Sunday school. Adults stayed in for worship because that's why they came to church.
About 7 years ago a different curate came to assist at the church and persuaded the vicar to change to encourage child centred services three Weeks out of 4. With Sunday school once a month. Queue the benign smiles of parents with no concept of appropriate behaviour in church. Kids running wild , can't hear the vicar speak, complete distraction. Why is it always the 'crunchy' parents who can't discipline their dc to sit still for an hour and obey instructions. ? Why was their child's right to run amok greater than the congregations right to enjoy quiet worship ? It's not difficult to be a firm parent, it just takes effort ! (and before anyone starts, I have 2 ds with SN , one with ADD and another who attends a special school for Autism, so not vaguely 'on the spectrum' ) they just know that when it's not appropriate to run around, they don't do it !!.
You don't get this in a Synagogue or a Mosque. Children are taught to respect their environment and for once in their lives it's not 'all about them'. We are raising a generation of kids that believe they are entitled to behave exactly as they want, where they want without any consideration to others - and encouraged in this mindset by over indulgent and lazy parents.

The only solution for me was to vote with my feet. I found Quakers and have been very happy there for 7 yrs. peace perfect peace. The dcs still go to youth church out of choice, but at a different, less chaotic Cof E. It was even too much for them.

Devilishpyjamas · 09/04/2018 08:51

I don't like the kids running round in a free for all and their parents ignoring it

So go to a different service.

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 08:51

I go back to its Gods House and we should all be polite and respectful in there.

Do you think god wanted you to be there ignoring the service shushing your children and probably putting them off church?

Do you think god thinks that's "polite"?

WhaleTasting · 09/04/2018 08:53

I found Quakers and have been very happy there for 7 yrs. peace perfect peace

You switched religions because one was too noisy? Confused

MimpiDreams · 09/04/2018 08:54

My church is beyond noisy and it's fantastic. Teaching and prayer is done through the home groups. The Sunday service is a celebration, a coming together of the church family, screamy kids and all.

Grumpyoldpersonwithcats · 09/04/2018 08:54

I'm with you OP. There is a balance between a bit of noise from kids at church and sitting in the middle of Ikea's ball pit. A few churches round us have two Sunday morning services - one 'wheels on the bus / happy-clappy / oooh my God is so big' service and one service for adults with real music and actually some theological content. I'm fully aware I'm a miserable old git and am out of touch with the current zeitgeist (or choose to ignore it Grin) but my children have been taught how to behave and respect others and the fact that they both sang in traditional church choirs and now both have paid church organist roles (one from age 15 and the second from age 13) probably shows my attitudes.
The problem is that when the kids at the family service grow up a bit they stop going to church because it is too childish. The CofE has been dumbing down for years but numbers are still plummeting - clearly the family service concept is doing nothing to stop the rot.

SerenDippitty · 09/04/2018 08:55

I'm an athetist - but what do you think Jesus would think about this?

I don’t think he’d have minded the noise, he did say “ suffer the little children to come unto me”!