To wonder wtf people do without childcare??!

[StopBeingAGoat]

How the hell do people with 0 childcare options cope in life??

Obviously you can get around some things but there are others that taking your kids along just isn't an option!

What the hell do you do??!

Basically for background, I've found out today that family have an issue with having my dd, apparently it's a problem for them!

So I've decided to stop using them as an option in future.

Sat here wondering wtf my options are??

Child's father isn't on the scene at all, neither is his family. I don't talk to many family members of mine.

I've 0 options.

I am going to take into account your mh problems but remind you there is a child here. For whatever reason your family can’t help like they were.

How often were you leaving your Dc ?

She has s 1 . She is very easy to take most places.

Your Dc sounds like she is an incovienience to everyone

I got a job in a school. No other choice, despite being vastly over-qualified for what I do...

I don't think going to general medical appts such as blood tests is the same as an appt for mental health issues.
I'm surprised at the attitude of some people - as you said you never chose to be in this position.
Good luck :)

I just don’t do certain things.

It doesn't seem like most people commenting are actually getting your situation... You're not be moaning the fact you can't go out and let your hair down, you can't take your dc to group therapy, but if you don't have therapy, it's harder than ever for you to look after her, so you need the therapy all the nore, just a horrible, vicious cycle. I dont know anything about the system but i hope to God there is some help from SS or local HV or someone because this is horrific for you. I'm so so sorry OP.

Ah, so the real problem is that you feel it's unfair your child's father gets away without helping out. You don't need to say here, (you obviously don't want to go into the details of your family not wanting to help) but what can you do about this? If you can regain a tiny bit of control over him stepping up to his responsibilities it might make you feel less negative about the whole DC experience.
I have some sympathy for the feelings of finding it difficult that a dp doesn't come home to help out. Families where a dp works away for long periods of time also get this, but concentrate deliberately on building up other relationships to provide back up. You obviously had friends once, can you work on this too?

I didn't choose to do it alone, he chose to leave and now I have to suck it up?

I guess I just view it as unfair, that in struggling along, receiving government assistance because my DD father doesn't want to be ther

Well, you're right on both counts. Yes, it sucks, yes its unfair, yes he shouldnt be able to get away with walking away. But he can and he does and yes you do have to suck it up and get on with it, because what else is there to do? You walk away too to even it up?

Life is unfair sometimes.
Not many people chose to be single mums/dads but we are parents and we have to be there for our kids even if the other one does sfa.

Nobody said it was easy being a parent.

You need to check out all the suggestions made to see what support you can get. You might be surprised how much there is. And go to cab for help with claiming everything you are entitled to.
Good luck.

You’re right OP; it isn’t fair.

But life really is about how you play the cards you’re dealt.

I'm also unable to get to appointments, undergo treatments. I cannot take ds with me and so don't go. My mental and physical health is dependent on paid childcare. Which i cannot afford enougth of.

Surely you must have known you could end up as a single parent? It can happen to anyone. You have to live with it as you can't force him to have involvement.

Naively it never crossed my mind. Certainly not having any involvement from the father!

I always believed I'd be with the guy I had kids with for the rest of my life or at least until the kids were old enough. Looking back, I literally never thought it was even likely.

Silly me! Ever the optimist & people wonder why I expect things to always end up shit now.

I think about suicide so very regularly.

Am I going to do it?? No because I'm too fucking scared....because I don't want to leave my beautiful baby.

On the other hand, I just can't "suck" it up and move on & just get on with things.
I'm incredibly unhappy, stressed out & tired. Everywhere I turn I feel like I'm hitting a brick wall.

I'm so desperately depressed & have been since my ex left. I don't think il ever be happy again.

My child isn't an "inconvenience" to me.....this whole situation is, the feelings I have, the depression. I'm stuck in a rut. I'd rather die than feel like this any longer.

I regularly hope il contract life threatening illness so I "wasn't given the choice" whether to live or die but secretly be happy.

I know, I'm messed up & need to see a doctor but it's gone past all of that now. There's nothing left they can do.

It’s traumatic to be let down like this, and left to all the hard work alone. It’s okay to feel traumatised and angry and miserable and scared.

Just please believe that you can and will survive and thrive and so will your DD. You won’t feel like that overnight, but you’ll get there.

What’s “too late” medically?

You are living for your beautiful baby as you have said.This is what you can cling to to get you through the suicidal feelings. Seek further help from professionals where possible and just keep fighting on each day at a time. You are not the only one in this boat. Take care and good luck

Silly me! Ever the optimist & people wonder why I expect things to always end up shit now.
But you're not addressing the positive actions which ppl are suggesting. Fair enough if you just wanted to vent or have some sympathetic words, but it seems a bit defeatist to ignore or dismiss these comments.
I understand depression, there's a lot of it in my family. You have to keep fighting it. Noone else can do it for you.

You have family. Your ex and father of your child is out there somewhere and owes you both. You have had friends in the past. Build on this. What can you do, step by step, to create a better situation a year from now?

Sorry @Battleax my bad. Apologies. X

NP.

I have cancelled around 6 gp appointments so far.

You didn't have to cancel any. You can take a 1yo, in their pram, to a GP appointment. I suspect your mental health is what has caused you to cancel the appointments and the child is just offering a reason. Please don't miss appointments, you need then and they are the only way you are going to get better, With support.

As for the evening group, you just need a babysitter. Yes you will have to pay, but it's not a huge amount of money if you can get a recommended teenager.

Christians Against Poverty are a group often recommended on here - you don't have to be Christian yourself, but they deal with a lot of people with debt and benefit issues and will be able to identify everything you are entitled to. Have you also applied for child support from your ex? As you say, he should also be supporting your DD.
I know how depression can sap your energy, but if you do one thing today id suggest calling a group like the one above, who can give you some concrete support. capuk.org

Finally - you say you've 'decided' not to use family for childcare. Unless something is really awful, is there any way you can take that decision back? It sounds like for the next few months you may need to take every scrap of help available, until you are back on your feet a bit. Good luck and you're doing an amazing job for your baby.